Featured Fanfiction
Enjoy some wonderful fanfiction by some tremendous authors! Each month, I will feature a
new story (or a new part) to a great piece of fiction about Stargate SG-1. Be sure and send the author your feedback when you're finished reading it!
I know they'd love to hear from each of you!!
January 14, 2008:
Here's a story for you from Lingren!! She's a great author with loads of talent! You can find more of her works on fanfiction.net, but read this one here and be sure and send her your feedback! Happy Reading!
written by Lingren
October 11, 2007
So here's a great story, and one of many, from a great fan and friend of mine! Allison W. is no longer writing fanfiction, but her site is still up and her stories for Sam and Jack are as great as ever! So be sure to check out her site! The story I chose is a fun, romantic shippy story for Sam and Jack and one I know you'll enjoy! Be sure to send her your feedback! She'd love to hear from you! Hope you will take the time to read this and check out her site! Enjoy!!
written by Allison W.
Be sure and visit her site full of all kinds of wonderful fanfiction!
August 9, 2007
Are you ready for another great story?? This one is from an author probably most of you have already read (I'm behind the times apparently...but I've also been buried in my series!)...Spiletta has a lot of great stories that she's contributed to the fanfiction world (a lot of which I have yet to read but will one day). This month I'm going to feature one of her stories entitled "Years Ago"...a "shippy" fic to bring a smile to your face! Be sure and send her your feedback, and check out the other stories on her site, a lot of which are from other television series! Enjoy!!
written by Spiletta
Be sure and visit Spiletta's website for more stories!
July 10, 2007
Here's a new story that will delight Stargate fans as well as JAG fans!! Some of you have probably already read it, but as with any good read, it's always fun to go back and read it again! So sit back and enjoy this one from Trisha S. entitled "To The Rescue"! And be sure to send her your feedback...it's always so wonderful to hear from those of you who take the time to read our stories, and I know she'd love to hear from each of you! Happy Reading!
written by Trisha S.
April 23, 2007
So here's a good story that I dug out of Amanda Tapping's home page (www.amandatapping.com)! It was published back in 2005, by an author going by the name of Gen Varel. You may have already read this, but if not, be sure and check it out. Apparently, this was the author's first attempt at writing, and I thought he/she did a great job.
Be sure and send feedback for the fic as well! Here's the email address for Gen Varel!
So here's my latest featured fanfiction...hope you enjoy it!!
March 6, 2007
This is a story by Kelley R., who not only writes fanfiction herself, but is a great support of my writing! I hope each of you enjoy this story of hers. It's not new, but if you're like me, you find little time to have any extra time to yourself. I'm doing my best to catch up on all the great fanfiction out there while still writing my series. So even if I may feature old stories, give them a second go around, and you may find yourself discovering them all over again! Happy reading!
January 1, 2007
This is a BRAND NEW story never seen in the fanfic world of Stargate/Sam and Jack! Because it is his first, I'm going to post ALL of the parts to this story (6 in all) instead of waiting for each new month. Please be sure and send him your feedback! As a new author, I know he would greatly appreciate it! Thanks for reading it and enjoy!!!
Part 1 (see below) Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6
Title: New Horizons
Author: Mark
R.
Feedback: Constructive comments appreciated. (mradcl@adelphia.net)
Spoilers: Too numerous to mention, generally everything up to, but not including “Threads” in S8.
Rating: PG-13, S/J Romance, Friendship, Angst, and Hurt/Comfort.
Summary: Sam
finally lets her heart have a say, too. She
and Jack finally have that talk, and what transpires goes a long ways towards
explaining their relationship (or lack thereof) on the show. I think this would have been a much better ending
to S8 or launch into S9.
Disclaimer: All
publicly recognizable characters, places, and things are the exclusive property
of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment,
not monetary purposes, and absolutely no infringement on copyrights or trademarks
is intended.
Copyright: All original characters, situations, and the
story are the property of the author. Copyrighted on August 31, 2006, by Mark S. Radcliff.
Author’s
Notes: Yep, guys like a little romance,
too! (If what happens is plausible and it’s mixed with some
good Sci-Fi, that is!) Also,
in several instances, Sam and Jack think back to things that happened in the
past. To help avoid reader confusion,
I’ve italicized those long recollections.
Please enjoy!!
Dedication: Several people were instrumental in encouraging
me, giving guidance, and serving as betas. Most notable were the following: My loving wife,
Candy, who kept my nose to the grindstone, particularly when I thought I'd
never get the story finished. Special
thanks also go to my mother, Irma Jean, who is an author in her own right,
and one of my betas. Thank you also
to my son, Eric, who shares my interest in becoming an author. Like so many others, he gave me much needed encouragement
throughout. This is one of only two
attempts of mine at writing thus far, and my favorite S/J author, excellent
beta, and new friend, Suz, was absolutely instrumental
in helping me learn to make my dialog sound natural, the story more canon
compliant, and grammatically correct. My
thanks also go to my good friend and Sci-Fi ‘sounding board’, Fred, and last,
but certainly not least, to my daughter, Rebekah,
who was really, really supportive. By
the way, Honey, I love you lots more!
New Horizons (part 1)
“Colonel Carter, please report to General O’Neill’s office,” the PA speakers blared out again for the second time.
Even from across the locker room, the airman’s tone
seemed overly loud and harsh to Sam. She
wanted nothing more than to just ignore it and head towards home. She just wasn’t in the mood for whatever the
General might want to talk about at this late hour. Surely it could wait till tomorrow or the next
day when she wouldn't be so tired. Realizing
she was doomed to be disappointed, she couldn’t help grumbling aloud, "Damn!
What do you suppose he wants?"
The first time she’d heard the summons was in the shower. The water had been running full blast and just as hot as she could stand. It stung her face, running in torrents down her chest, belly, and legs, but it felt great. Choosing to ignore the slight discomfort for the greater good, Sam chose instead to dwell on how the dirt, grime, and even some of her stress seemed to be flowing away with the suds down the drain. Stepping from the shower, she caught a brief glimpse of herself for the first time in the locker room's full-length mirror.
‘Well, I kind of look like a lobster, but at least I’m clean and smell better,’ she thought to herself.
Sam was bone-tired and hungry, and although she wasn't
really in a bad mood, she was utterly exhausted. It was an understatement to say that she was
looking forward to leaving the SGC behind and just head home for a few hours
of much needed downtime and rest. Once
there, she prayed she’d be able to find something edible to pull out of the
freezer and nuke for a quick late night dinner.
Pursuing the fantasy a little farther, she let her mind drift along
to consider how nice it would be to eat, turn on a little music, maybe even
grab a glass of wine and a steamy novel, and just enjoy a long, soothing soak
in the hot tub before finally heading off to sleep for at least eight straight
hours in her own bed – a real bed,
she mused.
After a few seconds of pleasant revelry, reality took
over, penetrating the heavy curtain of exhaustion gnawing at both mind and
body, and she had to conclude it would probably never happen. For one thing, the General didn’t normally summon
you to his office without a good reason. Although
it was unusual for him to summon her for a late night meeting right after
returning from such a long and grueling mission, it wasn’t unheard of.
But even if that wasn’t the case, she’d just finished talking to Pete
on her cell phone not thirty minutes earlier.
He’d surprised her by being in town for a few days, and was already
over at the house waiting. In a way, she kind of wished he wasn’t, ‘at
least not tonight,’ she grimaced to herself.
Almost any other time, Sam would love to see him, but
tonight she just needed the peace and solitude of a quiet house. She really needed time and space to think through
all the things weighing heavily on her mind, not the least of which was Pete
Shanahan himself and their rapidly approaching wedding. Intellectually, she was excited by the prospect,
but she was having trouble getting her heart to embrace what her head insisted
made perfect sense.
Pausing a moment to reflect on the whole conflict within,
she realized she'd been having more and more second thoughts lately and needed
to figure out why so it could all finally be resolved. Although she was looking forward to being with
him again, it would only make the eventual soul-searching she had to do that
much more difficult. “Oh well,” she sighed in resignation, “I can't think
about that now; duty calls… again,” she added with a huff.
SG-1 had just returned through the Stargate a little
more than two hours before from a routine – which translated in Sam’s weary
mind as ‘boring’ - mission to PQ4118. It
had been particularly grueling because they’d found precious little evidence
of any useful minerals, past or present civilizations, artifacts, technology,
or any other useful or even interesting phenomena.
Plus, they’d endured what must have been the harshest part of the short
summer season. For five long days they'd
braved daytime temperatures averaging 125 degrees and then only dropping back
to the high 80’s come nightfall.
It still would have been considerably more bearable
except for the fact it had been excessively humid following what must have
been a long and protracted rainy season. The
majority of the indigenous life they'd seen seemed to be insects bearing a
striking resemblance to domestic mosquitoes, only on steroids. They were huge! With copious quantities of stagnant, muddy water
in close proximity to the gate, they were apparently breeding like mad.
Due to the combination of extreme heat and humidity, there'd been no
question in using just the most basic modesty in their sleeping arrangements
or attire. Without a second thought,
they'd all adopted the practice of sleeping outside in their underwear, but
due to the biting risk, it had been necessary to employ triple mosquito netting.
Since exposing bare skin was so hazardous, washing and personal hygiene
had not only been very unpleasant, but downright dangerous.
In addition to being physically taxing, there’d also
been some friction among team members. For
the first time Sam could ever remember, Daniel and Teal’c argued. Daniel apparently lost his temper over something
Teal’c had said. In retrospect, it
seemed trivial enough, but before she'd been able to mollify either one, they
were yelling in each other’s face. Tired,
stressed out, and sensing a potentially explosive situation they’d all regret,
she’d simply reacted without thinking. Looking back on it now, maybe calling both men
‘big babies’ wasn’t the most tactful way to handle things. Sam was sorry she’d chosen those particular
words, even if they had seemed particularly appropriate at the time. The fact was, she’d lost her own temper as well,
and before she could stop herself, spewed out the first thing that entered
her mind. As a result, the situation
had been defused, but there’d been consequences.
The last day had been pure hell. They’d all avoided even talking to each other
until just before stepping back through the Gate. Thinking back on it now, she supposed the General
needed to be apprised of the incident, if one of the guys hadn’t done so already.
Whatever the consequences, it had to be done.
She hoped one of them had spoken up because she really wasn't too thrilled
about the prospect of being the one to do the informing, but it was definitely
her responsibility. She knew if he had been informed, it wasn’t
during the short mission debrief. One
of the men would have had to do it afterwards.
Now, the more she mulled the whole thing over in her mind, the more
convinced she became that the incident, along with her less than professional
response, just might be the purpose for her unusual summons. ‘Dumb, Carter, dumb,’ she chastised herself
in disgust.
One small consolation had been that just before leaving
the infirmary, she’d witnessed both men apologizing. After walking over to where they stood talking
quietly, she had as well, and given each of them a heartfelt hug and affectionate
peck on the cheek. After all, they
were her family, and she couldn't love them more then if they were her own
flesh and blood. When they parted a
few moments later, she was confident they were all back on good terms. ‘Everything’s going to be okay,’ she assured
herself. ‘True, I’ll probably get yelled
at for letting things get so out of hand, but I guess I really do deserve
it. Oh well, it won’t happen again,’
she concluded wearily. She decided
that’s exactly what she’d tell the General; that she was sorry, she’d handled
the situation badly and it wouldn’t happen again.
She knew he'd respect her honesty and genuine regret concerning the
whole matter. Having made her decision,
she forced the whole thing to the back of her mind and finished getting ready.
Finishing up blow-drying her hair, Sam quickly slipped
on some panties before grabbing the towel she’d thrown casually over the low
bench. With one easy motion, she turned
and executed a textbook right hook, expertly banking it off the pale green
wall and down into the canvas hamper below.
She couldn’t help grinning absent-mindedly, unconsciously unable and
unwilling to prevent thinking affectionately of the man who’d taught her how
to do that so effortlessly.
Almost immediately, her conscious mind reacted. ‘No Sam, you’re ‘so’ not going to go there right
now. You’ve got all the man you need
in your life waiting for you at home.’ Normally,
just thinking about being wrapped up in Pete's big arms was enough to make
her whole body tingle with excitement and anticipation, but lately she'd noticed
his ability to thrill was being subtlely impaired
by a small but growing feeling of shame and regret over Jack - the General,
she automatically corrected herself - and what could have been between them
if only circumstances had allowed.
As if trying to convince herself of the illegitimacy
of such feelings, she reasoned, 'Whatever we may have once felt for each other
is over, right? So, why do I still
think about him with such affection? After
all, he’s just a good friend,’ she told herself half-heartedly. Besides, hadn’t she overheard two nurses in
the infirmary discussing with what seemed to be considerable regret, that
he might be seeing some woman named Kerry?
‘I hope so; he needs someone in his life, too.’
But her heart betrayed her once again by pointing out the obvious.
'If you really believe that, why aren't you the
slightest bit happy at the prospect?'
Realizing she was once again allowing herself to become
thoroughly depressed over something she'd spent endless hours analyzing before
without reaching any satisfactory conclusion, she decided to just take the
easy way out again and drop the whole line of thought. ‘Okay, enough,' she resolved, ‘I don't have
time for this. I’ve got to get my butt
in gear and report.' She knew Jack
was pretty easy going, but he wouldn’t wait indefinitely, especially if he
thought she might be blatantly ignoring him.
After slipping on a bra and T-shirt, she dug around
a few moments in her locker looking for a clean pair of fatigues. Finally finding them, she put them on and moved
over to the sink to apply a bare minimum of makeup. Finishing up quickly, she took one last long
look at herself in the mirror, quickly finger combing her hair before deciding
she at least looked presentable. Putting
her personal kit away, she opened the locker room door, making sure to swap
the gender sign back for the men, and headed purposefully towards the General’s
office.
Striding through the familiar cream-colored halls ,Sam
couldn’t help feeling powerless to prevent many of the same old warm thoughts
of her CO she'd been thinking only moments before from once again invading
her conscious thoughts. ‘I mean, it’s
not like there’s not at least a half-dozen more important things I ought to
be thinking about,’ she grumbled. The
whole damn thing was so frustrating because for the first time in her life,
she felt utterly incapable of efficiently ordering and focusing her own mind. Even her revolutionary new idea for improving
Naquada reactor performance and the forthcoming
visit she had planned with her dad and brother in
So she walked on, lost in thought, oblivious to everyone
and everything, her mind locked in mortal combat with her heart. “Why does life have to be so complicated anyway?”
she mumbled under her breath. Her pondering
ended abruptly as she rounded the final corner. She was so preoccupied that she never even saw
Daniel coming, and didn’t react until it was too late to avoid a spectacular
head-on collision.
As usual, Daniel’s mind had been somewhere far away
as he strode purposefully along. Rounding
the corner, he was caught totally off guard and unable to stop, and utterly
powerless to prevent the collision that sent them both sprawling, knocking
the air out of his lungs. The coffee
he’d been so carefully carrying was flung high into the air, only to splat
halfway up the sixteen-foot walls before dribbling back down to the floor.
The books slung casually under the other arm flew up as well, quickly
falling back to pummel them both on the head.
Initially surprised and a little dazed to find herself suddenly sprawled on her back and looking up at the
ceiling, Sam quickly recovered enough to reposition herself into a slightly
more lady-like position. With her back
against the wall, nursing a tingling elbow, she couldn't help seeing a funny
side to the whole incident, and soon found herself laughing hysterically.
Seeing her laughing so hard made Daniel wonder if maybe
she hadn't completely cracked and gone 'round the bend. Reminding himself of the apparent strain she’d
been under lately, he resisted the urge to call her on it. “Uh, Sam, you okay? I didn’t even see you coming." Carefully hauling himself back to his feet,
he watched her and waited for an answer, relieved to see her laughter die
as she seemed to slowly regain her normal composure.
As an afterthought, he offered her a helping hand, "Here, let
me help you up.”
With a final chuckle, she reached out to take advantage
of the assistance, “I’m alright, Daniel, really; it was my fault anyway.
I wasn’t paying attention." Once
up, her smile quickly evaporated to be replaced by a slight frown. "I guess I was just lost in thought,"
she added somberly, grudgingly recalling her previous train of thought.
"O-o-okay," he said carefully. “Anything I can help you with?"
Seeing his look of concern, she smiled back reassuringly,
taking care to formulate her answer carefully before responding, "No,
I really don't think you can help me with this.
But hey, thanks for offering," she replied, with perhaps a bit
more enthusiasm than she actually felt.
"Oh, technical stuff, right-t-t,” he drawled,
playing dumb. She’d been thinking about
something all right, but he’d bet his next paycheck it wasn’t about anything
technical, and he had a pretty fair idea it had to with Pete Shanahan and
the wedding. Most everyone who knew
her at all couldn’t help but observe she’d pretty much become a basket case
since at least a week before heading off on their last mission. He knew that if she’d just open up and talk
about her problems for a change, he could help.
But no, that wasn’t Sam’s way. She
was obviously holding everything in, trying to deal with it all on her own.
She should know that after all these years they'd worked together,
he could read her better than just about anyone, except for Jack O’Neill of
course. Concluding that it might just
be better to allow her to continue believing he was completely clueless, he
added simply, “You're right, I can't help you too much with that."
"No, Daniel, it’s nothing like that,” she assured
him. “It's uh, well, it’s kind of personal,
you know? I guess I just need to sort
through some things that are kinda’ bothering me.”
Shocked that she’d shared even that little bit, he
decided to push his luck and press for details before she thought about what
she was saying and totally clammed up. “Uh,
Sam, you’re not having second thoughts about the wedding are you? I thought you guys were crazy about each other.”
Sam really wasn’t surprised by the observation and
question. Daniel was anything but dense, and he’d hit
the nail right on the head… again. Although
she hoped he’d never know just how often it happened, the fact was, it had
taken him only seconds not only to home in on the fact that something was
wrong, but also, exactly what it was. Of course, that didn’t change the fact that
she really didn’t want to talk to him about it.
How could she, really? For one
thing, she didn’t even know where to begin.
And although she loved him like a brother, she was way too confused
and embarrassed to confide her personal feelings for Pete or Jack to anyone. 'Besides, there’s no way he could be completely
impartial about the matter since he and Jack are best friends,' she thought
to herself.
Suspecting he just might be searching for a chink in
her armor, Sam decided her best defense would be to distract his attention
away from the real issue before things got too intense or uncomfortable. So, looking him squarely in the eye, she spoke
up. “Daniel, I’m a little confused
right now, that’s all. I just have
a lot on my mind, okay? I really appreciate
your concern, but I just can’t talk to you about it. Can I take a rain check on the sympathetic ear
part?” she asked, forcing herself to grin just for appearance’s sake. “Besides, Jack wants to see me in his office;
I’ve got to go. Talk to you later. Bye,” she mouthed back over her shoulder, striding
purposefully away through the open door and into the General’s outer office.
Daniel looked thoughtfully after Sam as she disappeared
from sight. He hadn’t missed her inadvertent
use of Jack’s given name, which was something she never did.
“If she’s not a train wreck about to happen…” he observed.
“She doesn't even realize the lie she’s living.
I just hope when she comes to her senses, it's not too late,” he muttered
half aloud. Shaking his head slowly,
he headed for the elevator that would take him down to the level his lab was
on.
Entering the General’s outer office, Sam came to an
abrupt stop before a standard issue gray military desk. Recognizing the man sitting behind it was Lieutenant
Harter, the General's back shift administrative aid,
she cleared her voice and intoned, “Lieutenant Harter, Lt. Colonel Carter
to see the General, as ordered.”
Startled to hear a voice, he automatically flinched
nervously and frowned before looking up from the requisition spread out across
the desk. The SGC was quiet as a tomb
at this early hour of the morning, and he’d been fighting just to stay awake. When her words finally filtered through the
mush of his sleep-deprived brain and he recognized who she was, he couldn't
help but smile. There was no one he’d
rather have standing in front of his desk than Samantha Carter. She had to be the hottest woman in the whole
SGC. In fact, she was almost legendary
to the majority of the single guys on base, and that certainly included him. ‘Not that any of us will ever get the chance
to take advantage of that now,’ he thought regretfully. Rumor had it she was marrying some cop from
Finally realizing she was waiting patiently for acknowledgement,
he reluctantly forced himself back to the present and quickly cleared his
mind before answering with military precision, “Yes ma’am, the General’s been
waiting for you. Uh, I think he’s a
little pissed though," he confided conspiratorially. "He was expecting you some time ago.
I think he wanted to meet with you and then get out of here at a reasonable
hour, but the President called and nixed that.
He’s been on the phone with him for a good while now.
He told me not to disturb him unless the sky was really falling, and
to give you a message to be back here in precisely
thirty minutes or…” he finished, his voice conspicuously trailing away.
Sam cringed. “Or
what, Lieutenant?” she demanded sternly. Only too painfully aware how far she’d pushed
her luck in reporting, she couldn’t help thinking, ‘This
is so not good. Now, he’s going to
have something else to chew me out about.’
With a sigh of resignation, she couldn’t help mouthing under her breath,
“Yeah, that’s just what I need.”
“Ma’am?” queried the Lieutenant quizzically.
“Huh? Oh, nothing,
nothing at all. I was just… oh, never
mind!” she responded gruffly. “Uh, you said he wanted me back here in exactly
thirty minutes. Thirty minutes or what?”
she asked, still more than a little worried.
“Or, he’ll send the SF’s out to get you,” he answered
with a big smile.
“Great,” Sam acknowledged, “just great. Well, I'll be back here in precisely thirty
minutes then.” Starting to leave, she
remembered her manners and turned back around to add, “Oh, and thanks for
the tip.” With that, she turned smartly
on her heel and headed for the commissary to grab a quick cup of coffee while
she waited.
Striding in through the open door, she headed straight
over to the coffee urns. A quick glance
around the large room revealed only three other occupants. Two seemed lost in deep conversation at a table
over in the far right corner. The third
was Daniel, who was sitting in the team’s usual place. As she watched, she noticed he appeared to be
idly picking at some kind of nasty looking pastry while simultaneously paging
back and forth through a big, thick book.
‘How totally Daniel,’ she thought affectionately. Quickly deciding a distraction was in order, she finished drawing herself a mug of coffee and grabbed
a couple sugars and a spoon before walking over to join him. “This seat taken?” she enquired as cheerfully
as she could muster under the circumstances.
“Huh?" Daniel asked with mild surprise, as her
voice suddenly registered. "Oh,
no, have a seat, Sam,” he answered, indicating the
chair directly across the table. Puzzled
to be seeing her again so soon, he added, "I thought you said you had
a meeting with Jack." Scrunching
up his brow, he peered questioningly back over the top of his glasses.
"Yeah, well, I did,” she responded with a slight
frown. After a second, she added conversationally,
“Actually, it’s more correct to say I still have a meeting." Not
waiting for his inevitable request to explain, she continued on without pausing.
"Unfortunately, I was a bit too
slow in reporting. While the General
was waiting, the President called, and he's still talking to him right now. So, I haven't actually been in to see him yet,
but his aide said I'm to report back at precisely at 0045. And," she sighed, still absent-mindedly
chasing the little bubbles floating across the surface of her coffee with
her spoon, "since I don't have enough time to get any useful work done
in my lab, I just figured I'd drop by here and grab some caffeine."
She’d intended it to sound to Daniel’s ears like the
whole thing was really no big deal, but she had to admit that inwardly, she
was more than a little concerned. Her stomach was boiling and churning uncomfortably
as she contemplated all the possible consequences. Finally forcing aside all those unpleasant thoughts,
she glanced across the table at Daniel, and was pleasantly surprised to find
he wasn't laughing at her plight, as she’d half expected. Instead, his only reaction had been to lay down
the reference book he’d been reading, and with considerable deliberation take
off his glasses and slowly begin rubbing his eyes.
Knowing his friend the way he did, Daniel couldn’t
help but dismiss the explanation as nothing more than a convenient cover for
whatever was really bothering her. Slowly
messaging his tired, dry eyes, he thought back to their earlier discussion
in the hallway. When he finally looked
back up, he gazed at her intently, searching for any clue as to why she seemed
so intent on rigidly bottling up and concealing her personal feelings if indeed,
nothing was wrong. But, her face displayed
nothing but her patented, noncommittal mask.
He decided to risk forcing the issue by getting right to the point. She’d probably consider it meddling, but he
felt somewhat justified, reasoning it was all for her own good, even if she
couldn’t see that herself. Taking a
deep breath, he jumped in with both feet, “Sam, are you sure you don't want
to talk about…?”
The instant it registered what he was starting to say,
something inside Sam seemed to snap; she didn't even let him finish his sentence.
Springing up like an uncoiling spring to tower threateningly above
him, she interrupted, unconcealed anger flashing in her eyes.
Before she could stop herself, she saw red for the second time in as
many days, causing her to react purely on instinct.
With no thought of the possible consequences, she hissed between pursed
lips, “Daniel, I told you I do not, repeat not
want to talk about that with you!” Leaning
over the table to leer down menacingly, she continued, “Do you understand
me? Do I make myself perfectly clear?”
Her vehement response surprised Daniel, but there was
no way he was going to be put off. On
the other hand, he wasn’t stupid, either.
Sam didn’t lose her temper very often, but when she did, he was smart
enough to know he best keep his mouth shut until the resulting explosion blew
over. Content in that knowledge, he sat patiently,
watching the anger abate and the scarlet slowly begin to drain from her cheeks.
As her temper slowly ebbed, Sam realized that no matter
how justified and provoked she might have felt there was really no excuse
for having been so rude. Ashamed now
at how she’d reacted, she stole a quick glance back over her shoulder to the
other occupants in the room. Both looked
away quickly, confirming her suspicion that the outburst hadn’t gone unnoticed. Fighting back her growing fatigue and the embarrassment
at being so nasty with one of her dearest friends in the world, she slowly
sank back down into her chair and sighed, rubbing her temples in a vain attempt
to relieve a suddenly pounding headache.
Glancing back up, she saw Daniel still staring at her
expectantly, obviously waiting for her to say something. “Look Daniel,” she began, “I’m really sorry
about that. I guess I just snapped. I was way out of line, and I apologize for being
so rude. I don’t know what’s making
me so tense lately.” After a second
she corrected herself, “Well, actually I do, I suppose. But like I said, it’s personal. Please give me some space and forgive me if
you can,” she implored. She paused
long enough to glance down at her clinched hands before looking back up and
sighing in resignation. “Daniel, look. If we absolutely have to talk about this, can
we at least go somewhere else? I promise
I’ll try to be civil and reasonable. Just… Oh, never mind,”
she said in disgust. “Let’s just go;
I feel like a bug in a jar in here.”
For the first time since her outburst, Daniel responded
calmly, “Sure, Sam. Let’s head up to
my lab."
Arriving there a short time later, Sam made sure she
was the first one to speak. “Daniel,
why are you so intent on pursuing this? You
know I’d rather not talk about personal issues,” she added plaintively.
Choosing to avoid her question for one of his own,
Daniel responded, “Sam, why are you so afraid of talking to me? I mean, granted, it’s personal, and I’m sorry
about that. But considering how long
we’ve been friends, you have to admit your refusal is kind of out of character. We’re family, you and me, and since when couldn't
you and I talk about anything?”
It was all she could do to fight back the tears of
frustration threatening to overwhelm her as she sought to meet his gaze. 'Humph, if you only knew, Daniel,' she thought
dejectedly. Instead, she just answered
back defensively, “I’m not afraid of anything, Daniel. Haven’t you ever been so confused and mixed
up about something, you don’t even know how you really feel, to say nothing
of being able to explain it to someone else?
Well, that’s how I am right now, only worse, because it’s so intensely
personal."
Her voice was trembling, and had become little more
than a whisper as she finished speaking. Finding
herself unable to look him directly in the eye, she
added in desperation, "And, you just won't let it be."
Shaking her head and holding up her hands in frustration, she continued,
"I don’t think I can talk to you about this, Daniel.
I'm sorry; I just can’t. I almost
wish I could though," she finished with a deep sigh.
For a moment Daniel sat quietly watching the various
emotions play across her attractive, but troubled face. His sympathies were with his friend; he could
imagine how she must feel. But he also
knew he had to get her to reassess the doubts she must be experiencing about
the wedding. She had to come to grips
with a fact everyone seemed to know but her: that she didn’t really love Pete,
at least not enough to marry him.
As much as he loved and respected the woman standing
in front of him, arms wrapped around herself and
staring blankly at the gray wall, he had to admit she was terribly naïve. She was unhappy and couldn’t figure out why.
She steadfastly refused to consider that it might just be because she
wasn’t being particularly honest with herself.
He was sure she was using only her intellect to categorize everything
as being either black or white. What she didn’t realize was that being happy
necessarily involved the heart and considerable shades of gray. Daniel decided against pulling any punches;
it was better to get right to the point. And
if that ended up hurting her in the process, he prayed that she'd at least
understand he was doing it because he loved her like a sister. Pulling out a stool, he patted the seat, beckoning
her to come over and sit. “Sam, come
here and sit down. I want to ask you
a few things, okay?”
Sensing she wasn’t going to like what he had to say,
Sam moved to comply anyway. “Sure,
Daniel, shoot,” she sighed in resignation.
Taking a deep breath, she exhaled slowly and pulled the stool back
a few feet before sitting down, consciously intertwining her fingers in her
lap to avoid any appearance of nervous fidgeting.
Taking the plunge, he began. “Sam, I'm going to start by making some observations
and stating a few opinions you may not want to hear. But I want you to promise you'll at least listen
and be totally honest in responding. And I want you to listen to your heart for a
change.” After pausing to collect his
thoughts a moment, he continued on. “Now,
I know you think I’m meddling, but I prefer to think of it as just being a
good friend who cares too much about you to sit idly by and say nothing while
you inadvertently do something that could really screw up your life.
So first, I want you to answer whether you’re really
in love with Pete, or do you just love being with him? It's important, because there’s a huge difference.
My gut reaction watching and listening to you is that you’re just going
through the motions here. I mean, I can see how fond you are of him.
Sam, that’s great for liking someone, but it may not be enough of a
basis to really love them. I sense you ‘want’ to love him unconditionally,
but you’re holding back. Why do you
suppose that is? Could it be you still
have feelings for someone else, someone you might outwardly have given up
on like he did you once upon a time?”
Sam felt sick listening to Daniel talking so logically
about a part of her personal life she’d tried so hard to put behind her.
She desperately wanted to just get up and run away to stop his unwanted
onslaught. The emotions roiling inside
her were threatening to make her physically ill.
If the truth be known, she was precariously close to breaking down
completely, and that was something she just could not allow to happen.
So with a monumental effort, Sam forced her mind to calm her quaking
insides. But it did little to improve her mental and
emotional state. It was just as good
Daniel wasn’t giving her time to answer. She
didn’t know how she could.
“It’s not an easy thing putting someone you really
care about totally out of your mind,” Daniel continued. “You know who I’m talking about don’t you?
So I guess my question would be: are your feelings for Pete justification
enough to lose Jack forever?” Pausing, he waited several seconds to let the
question sink in before resuming. “You
can't answer unequivocally, can you? Well,
if you’re planning on marrying him, the fact that you can’t is probably a
good part of the reason why you're having such serious doubts.”
Sam couldn’t quite stifle a little gasp in response
to Daniel actually asking her that most personal question. “Well, I …” she stumbled, before being cutoff
as Daniel again rambled on. Irritation
flared as she realized he still had no intention of letting her speak.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong, Sam. I don't fault you for having ‘em; anyone in their right mind would. What worries me, though, is your response to
the whole dilemma seems to be just ignore it or put
it off to think about later. Meanwhile,
you continue forging ahead with your plans as if there’s no problem, even
though everything seems to be indicating that Pete may not be the right choice
for you."
Sam had to acknowledge there was at least an element
of truth to everything he'd just said. She
wanted more than anything to finally open up and confess how torn she really
was about finally closing the door on her feelings for Jack O'Neill.
There was no doubt it would have a cathartic effect, but could she
deal with the consequences? Besides, it wasn’t that simple.
In spite of her fondness for Daniel, she had to admit
she resented him a little for having backed her into a corner and then presuming
to lecture her over things that were anything but straight-forward, as well
as being absolutely none of his business. As she grudgingly conceded that he was just
being a good friend and she definitely needed the counseling, she still felt
more than a little annoyed and irritated at being placed on the defensive
by such well-meaning accusations. She
was sorely tempted to lash out at him all over again.
If she was being perfectly honest, she had to admit
that yeah, there were doubts. In fact,
the list was growing, but she prayed none were insurmountable. Under close scrutiny, she’d discovered Pete
wasn't nearly as perfect as the image he projected, but then again, her current
predicament was ample proof she wasn’t either.
On the plus side, she had no doubts he loved her almost to the point
of worship. But that devotion both
thrilled and was no small source of concern.
Lately it had become almost stifling, as if she was not only his best
friend and lover, but also a favorite possession to hang all over, display,
and protect. That degree of possessiveness
was suffocating to the point she’d pretty much come to resent it.
Sam prided herself above all else on being an intelligent,
independent woman, one perfectly capable of standing on her own two feet. Somehow, she had to make Pete understand that,
along with her need for a certain degree of autonomy in her life, emphasizing
that she could never just be ‘the little woman back home’. Other than that, theirs was an almost storybook
relationship. Pete was sweet and caring
beyond her wildest expectations. He
loved her, and it showed.
Out of nowhere, her mind grudgingly acknowledged that
Jack did, too. But the Air Force regs keeping them apart were still in force and immutable,
and there was absolutely no reason to expect things to change in the foreseeable
future. Besides, looking in the mirror
and seeing her youth slip away was a constant reminder that she couldn’t afford
postponing getting a meaningful life away from work any longer. 'Of course I love Jack. I always have,' she'd finally admitted. But in the days and weeks that followed, she’d
convinced herself it was all so very pointless. Without one or both of them giving up their
careers, they could never be together, and she didn't want to take a chance
on life passing her by.
When Pete came along, he’d offered what she couldn't
have with Jack, and she loved everything about it. The more they saw each other, the easier she
found it to resist the attraction she'd always felt towards her CO. Not that those feelings disappeared; they just
faded, subtlely shifted to the back of her mind
because embracing them only brought pain and regret. Until fairly recently, Pete had been her conscious
mind's odds on favorite. But now, she
wondered whether maybe Daniel was right. Maybe she wasn't in love with him so much as
she really liked all the attention he constantly showered on her. Besides, he was ready, willing, and available
to give her the companionship she longed for.
Over the last few weeks and months, she'd thought about
that a lot. And the more she did, the
larger the kernel of doubt grew, and the more twisted the knot in the pit
of her stomach became. In light of
all the turmoil, it didn't really shock her to discover Jack O'Neill was once
again becoming a serious contender for her heart.
The ensuing battle to resolve her indecision was beginning
to take its toll. She found herself
barely able to function at work. Even alone in her own bed, she wasn’t sleeping
particularly well. Everyone seemed
to be noticing the stress and distress she was under, and as a result, she
found herself constantly bombarded with well meaning offers like Daniel’s
to help or lend a shoulder to cry on. But
she’d resisted, not only because she was normally such a private person, but
also because she saw offers of help and understanding as being synonymous
with pity, and she hated the weakness that implied.
With the wedding rapidly approaching, she’d nearly
cracked under the pressure. It wasn’t
any wonder she’d become the emotional wreck Daniel sought to rescue. No matter how hard she fought it, her logic
and intellect seemed to be losing ground, gradually being forced to at least
acknowledge the alternative desires of her heart. As a result, her perfectly planned future seemed
destined to be ousted on its ear. It
had progressed to the point that she honestly couldn’t decide whether marrying
Pete was what she really wanted. ‘What
about Jack if I do?’ she kept wondering. Which is more important, a normal, fulfilling
life with a good man for whom she might never have unconditional love, or an uncertain one at best with the one man she’d always
loved, and knew she could never forget.
Long ago, the open blaze hidden deep in her heart for
Jack O’Neill had been effectively banked, but it still existed as an intensely
smoldering coal; hot, just starved for oxygen.
In light of her current confusion and doubts, she knew her control
over it was becoming tenuous at best. Now,
more than ever, if she let her guard down for even a second, it might well
prove disastrous to her relationship with Pete.
Whether that should be a matter of concern at this point was another
huge question needing eventual resolution.
As her mind wandered on, she considered how gradually,
but with increasing frequency over the last several months, she'd found her
thoughts inexplicably drawn back to Jack, where he was, and what he might
be doing. During those times, she sorely
missed all their harmless flirting and his tendency to show up unannounced
to just talk or bug her in her lab as he once had. Even in her lover’s arms, she increasingly found
herself thinking about him, wishing it was his arms that held her. As shame once again washed over her, she couldn’t
help pondering the very real ramifications.
What it really came down to was that she was pretty
sure she loved Pete, just not unconditionally.
‘Yet,’ she added half-heartedly. ‘Only,
what do I do about Jack; I love him, too. When I’m with Pete, we have such a good time.
What we share is real and solid and right now.
He’s good for me,’ she reasoned. ‘But,
do I love him enough to forget Jack?' She
didn’t know, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized Daniel’s
concern could easily come to fruition. Whatever
the answer, one or both of the men, along with herself,
were likely to get hurt badly.
Daniel watched her sitting, obviously fighting back
tears in a vain attempt to control her conflicted feelings. Whatever they were, he doubted she realized
how vulnerable she appeared right now. She’d
hate that. He knew she had to be hurting;
in fact, he was probably hurting her even more by forcing her to go through
all this against her will, but it was the only way he could think of to help.
With a start, Sam realized Daniel was staring at her
intently, apparently waiting for a response.
Sam knew she had to answer, and the best way to do that was to get
back on the offensive. Hopefully that
would deflect his attention away from her personal life.
Glancing back up, she matched his gaze as impassively as possible,
hoping to conceal all evidence of the turmoil roiling inside her head and
heart. When she eventually spoke, her
voice was steady, but considerably more accusatory than intended, something
she instantly regretted. "Daniel,
why do you… in fact, all of you,”
she emphasized, “hate Pete so much? What’s
he ever done to you?"
"I don't hate him, Sam," Daniel replied quietly,
“I really don't. But I don't like him
much either. I've seen how he acts
around and treats you. You know I,
actually, we," he emphasized,
"care about you very much. You’re
an important part of our family and we love you. Some more than others possibly, but you get
the idea," he said with a small grin that faded away quickly.
"Sam, you're so bright and thoughtful. You’re caring and beautiful and incredibly gifted."
He stopped momentarily, smiling from ear to ear before adding, "And,
did I say bright?” he queried playfully, hoping a little humor might lighten
her spirits just a bit. The quirky smile faded abruptly as he began
speaking seriously again. "What
matters is that I know you well enough to say with confidence you pride yourself
on being an independent woman. You're
anything but weak and indecisive, and unless I miss my guess, you don't need
any man to take care of you. Now I
said all that to say this: I don’t think Pete respects you like he should,
and he’ll probably never appreciate how strong you really are. I fully expect there'll come a time when he'll
ask you to sacrifice your ideals and career to be subservient to his own,
because he honestly doesn't understand you're someone with an even stronger
desire to succeed and make a difference.”
Daniel stopped a moment to gage Sam’s reaction before
continuing. “The background checks
he had done on you and the incident where he busted up our stakeout of Osiris proved he doesn't fully trust you, at least what you
do here. I mean, don't get me wrong,
I know he loves you. But to put it
bluntly, I think it's more because you're a beautiful and desirable woman
and a whole lot less because you're strong, forceful, independent, and intelligent. He doesn't respect you as an equal, Sam, and
it hasn’t dawned on him yet that he's not even in your class.”
Sam couldn’t help blushing as she stared back appreciatively.
She was unbelievably flattered. She
certainly didn't view herself in quite those glowing terms, especially now. But as far as Pete was concerned, several of
the things he'd said qualified for at least honorable mention on her list
of doubts and fears.
Even so, it was against her nature to give in too quickly.
"Daniel, I agree in principal that he has some minor character
flaws, but then again, so do I. In fact, if you only knew,” she added meaningfully. “But as you just pointed out, he loves me and
is kind and considerate to a fault. He's
fun to be with. Although we can't discuss
anything he doesn’t already know about the SGC, we talk about everything else.
I love it when he treats me like a lady and just holds me, when he
surprises me out of the blue, and when he's passionate and satisfies my needs. Sometimes he just sits with me for hours holding
and talking to me or silently watching me read or sleep. Daniel, he's just about everything I've wanted
these last several years, but thought I could never have. Is it wrong for me to want all of that with
this wonderful man, a husband to come home to and maybe some kids someday,
as well as my career?”
She paused a moment, carefully planning her next few
words. “As for Jack, and this is strictly
between us, Daniel,” she warned, “I know I’ve pushed him away; I had to.
I still have very deep feelings for him; you know that.
But you also know our situation. We’re
still completely off limits to each other, and that will probably never change. In the meantime, I’m not getting any younger,
and I’ve been fortunate enough to meet and fall in love with Pete. Wouldn’t I be a fool to pass him up just because
I still have feelings for someone else? Tell
me, Daniel, should I risk sure certain happiness on the possibility of what
admittedly could be better, but is still by any definition, just an unlikely
dream?”
Daniel thought about her question at length before
answering. How could he even pretend
to answer such a personal question, let alone with impartiality? He loved her and wanted to help, but surely
she realized his and Jack’s close relationship meant he had to recuse himself. Picking
his words carefully lest she misinterpret and think he didn’t want to help,
he answered, "Sam, you know I can’t answer that. All I can say is that the answer lies somewhere
in your heart, not your head. Don’t
try to over think this. When you find
the right answer, you’ll be sure because you’ll feel it; you’ll just know.
You’ll be at peace and there won’t be any doubts about it,” he concluded
with feeling.
“Now, as far as Pete’s positive attributes are concerned,”
he continued, “I’m really glad he makes you happy. But you need to take a step back and listen
to yourself. You just went on about
how good he treats you. Pardon my bluntness,
Sam, but you didn’t give me the impression you were in love with him so much
as you were glad the two of you are basically compatible. So, let me ask you this: do you doubt what I
said earlier about how Pete thinks? Do
you seriously believe he’ll ever be okay with your being gone for days or
weeks at a time with him totally in the dark about when you’ll be back or
what you’re doing? What about when
you’ve have a bad mission? Will he
ever see the need for the team, which Jack as our CO is still a major part,
to get together to help each other through any consequences?
Will he ever approve of you just hanging out with us occasionally? I kind of think not,” he said rhetorically. “And most importantly, since you said you still
have feelings for Jack, do you really consider him to be acceptable collateral
damage for this basic physical attraction and stability Pete offers?"
Sam wasn't saying anything, obviously stung and hurt
by his honest assessment, so Daniel took it as a sign to forge ahead. "Incidentally, I can tell you as Jack's
close friend, and he'd kill me if he knew I told you this, he loves you, Sam,
very much. He hasn’t actually come
out and told me, but I can see it when you’re together. But he’ll never act on those feelings as it
stands because he's convinced you've rejected him for another man. A man he fervently hopes,
and I honestly believe, you don't really love. But unlike Pete, he’s honorable to a fault,
loving and respecting you way too much to ever say anything. He seems to have this crazy notion that if he
can't have all of you, he'll take whatever little piece you divvy out. But I can honestly say,
it will kill him to see you marry Pete.
Oh, he'll suck it up alright; maybe even go to the
wedding if you ever get up the nerve to invite him. Then, he'll probably retire for good and you’ll
never hear from him again. Sam, it’s
obvious to me, Teal’c, Cassie, your dad, hell probably everybody that’s ever
known you for more than a day that you're true soul mates, whether you think
so or not. If you go through with this,
I'm absolutely certain you'll eventually come to regret it. And for what it's worth, I can tell you we all
pretty much see it the same way.”
He stopped and looked down, wondering if she’d seen
the light, half fearing he’d way over-stepped the boundaries of even a close
friend. ‘Well, it’s too late to worry
about that now,’ he thought. Out loud,
he said, "Sam, I can imagine how you must feel, I really can. And you’re probably angry for me butting in
like this. But all of your friends
here at the SGC feel the same way; it’s not just me.
I hope you realize we'll always be there for you no matter what you
decide. Now, please tell me you'll
go home and really think this thing through.”
Thinking back to his earlier likening of her situation to that of an
out of control train, he felt compelled to add, “The track’s heading downhill
and the proverbial engine's picking up speed.
I'm convinced that while you might have short-term happiness, the inevitable
long-term result will be a train wreck of truly biblical proportions for all
three of you. Now, I've said my piece.
I’ll shut up, and I promise I won't mention it again.”
Knowing there was nothing else he could say, Daniel
hopped off his stool and walked over to gently grasp Sam’s shoulders to slowly
turn her around from the wall she’d been facing. When she looked up, her eyes were brimming with
tears. Leaning in to kiss her forehead,
he gently pulled her into a soft embrace while simultaneously rubbing up and
down her back as she began sobbing uncontrollably against his shoulder.
When she finally stopped crying a few minutes later, she pulled back, mumbling a heart felt, “Thank you, Daniel, I needed that - all of it. And I will think about it, I promise.” After ineffectually dabbing at the tears with her fists, she sniffed and leaned over to gently kiss Daniel’s cheek. Dropping his hands, she quickly turned to walk out into the hall and head off for her private quarters. Somehow, she just had to pull herself together enough to be presentable for her meeting with Jack….
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