Yesterday
Title:
Yesterday
Author: Suz W.
Spoilers: After Sight Unseen, Smoke & Mirrors, and
Paradise Lost (episode tag on all of them)
Feedback: I’d
love some!!
Old
Stories Referenced: “Along The Way Home”, “Shadows
Of Suspicion”
Rating: PG-13, S/J Friendship, Angst, and mild sexual
situations.
Summary: With the line drawn between them, can Sam and Jack
find a way back to each other?
Disclaimer: All publicity recognizable characters and places are
the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for
entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or
trademarks was intended.
Copyright: The original characters, situations, and story are
the property of the author. Copyrighted
on July 16, 2006, by Suzanne R. Whitmarsh.
Author’s
Notes: This story follows “Dividing
Lines”. I know my last story left you feeling a bit
on the down side…I am sorry about that. But
there is a reason for it; and besides, I have to keep you guessing (wink!).
And as a reminder, since I haven’t done it in a while, the text
in italics
takes place in the past and is usually a flashback; regular text indicates
the present story. I just hope
you will continue to read my stories and enjoy them, no matter what I throw
your way. Thanks for your continued
support.
Dedication: This story is dedicated to
Sam opened her eyes slowly, allowing the early morning light that was streaming through the sheer curtained window to creep into her quiet world of dreamless sleep. As her eyes met the soft light, painted in hues of pink and orange, she squinted and stretched out her long, lean body, turning on her side towards the window as she buried her face into the soft down pillow to reminisce once more in the feeling of sheer comfort.
Coming up from the soft folds of the pillow, Sam faced the new day with a yawn. Not wanting to get up just yet, she focused her attention on the world beyond her window, taking in all the colors that the new light touched, surprised to find her senses so acutely aware of every detail before her. There was a light breeze blowing softly in the partially opened window, causing the curtains to dance in the air, and affording Sam a view of the world beyond them without having to get out of bed. The crisp mountain air was cool, clean, and heavy with dew. It was nearing the middle of November, and the temperatures had dropped considerably in the past two months.
Two months. So much had transpired in her life during that time that it made her head spin. So much emotion and turmoil had flooded her world that it made her heart hurt to think about it. But something about the new morning before her gave her mind and heart a chance to rest, to allow her soul time to recoup and reflect, in hopes of shedding old skins for new ones. As Sam continued to stare out across the expanse before her, she took it all in. The mountains lining the horizon, with their great peaks covered in early winter snow. The trees as they rustled gently in the breeze, with the leaves making a crinkling sound as they brushed against one another, fighting to hold onto that branch for one more day before falling to the ground. Most of the foliage had lost its brilliant coloring of fall, replaced by hues of browns that indicated the world around her was preparing for the winter ahead.
A short distance away from her house, but still within view, a small pond reflected its surroundings in a mirrored surface, untouched by the breeze. Whiffs of thin steam spiraled off the surface towards the sky as the cold air touched the water that had yet to be frozen. Sam snuggled deeper under her covers as she watched the artistic display, not yet ready to experience the cold for herself.
As she continued to gaze out of the window, she suddenly spotted two people wandering towards the edge of the pond. She couldn’t see their faces, nor could she see well enough to identify them, but what she was able to decipher was a man leading his young son out on a beautiful early morning, fishing poles in hand, hoping to catch the first fish of the day. A gentle smile graced her face as she watched the father help his son to anchor the line with bait. Their silhouettes against the morning sunshine made the scene appear to be more dreamlike than real, and as she continued to watch them, she found her mind drifting to the one man she always associated with fishing, a sport to which he had apparently never been very successful at.
Jack’s image filtered through her mind…his face, his smile…the way his eyes seemed to penetrate Sam’s soul every time he would look at her. They had been through so much together, good and bad, as co-workers and as lovers. Despite all the obstacles put before them, they had somehow managed to find their way to each other, even if only in secret. The time she had spent with Jack since becoming more than his 2IC had given her more happiness than she could ever remember. So why had she broken it off? Why bring so much unhappiness between them…what had it accomplished besides providing immense heartbreak and pain?
Even Sam couldn’t answer her own questions. All she knew was that she missed Jack terribly, and had spent every night since the break up crying herself into a fitful sleep. The only thing she could decipher was that since that awful mission to the Replicator world, and her subsequent opinion clashing with Jack, Sam was afraid of not only losing her lover, but one of her dearest friends and co-workers, not to mention possibly her career should their relationship have come to light in one of their highly charged “discussions” on the base. So after a lot of painful thought, she had decided for them that the best thing to do was to step back from each other and find some space. It had been obvious from the moment she told Jack her decision that he did not agree.
That awful day two months ago seemed as
fresh in her mind as yesterday. Like a
coward, she had told him it was over, jumped on her horse Sugar, and rode away
from him at top speed. She remembered
nothing of that ride back to the stables except that she saw everything through
blurred vision, tears welling up in her eyes at a constant rate, consequently
spilling over her cheeks. Like a maniac,
she had climbed into her car after hastily stabling Sugar, making a mental note
to come back later to properly take care of the horse. For hours, she had just driven, with no
destination in mind. The only place she
wasn’t going was home, fearing that she’d find Jack waiting for her on her
doorstep. After growing tired, she
couldn’t even muster the courage to risk finally going back to her house, so
she had checked herself into one of the local Bed & Breakfast Inns. After soaking in a hot bath for what seemed
like an eternity, she allowed herself a few hours of sleep, hoping to escape
the torments of her heart.
The next day, she’d carefully made
her way home, and to her great relief, found it empty and desolate, much like
her soul. To Sam’s surprise, Jack never
called or even tried to come by. As
timing would have it, she had a few days off from the base, and was grateful
for them. But she knew that she would
have to face him sooner or later. When
she finally did three days later, she was shocked.
They finally met up with each other
in the briefing room with General Hammond and the rest of SG-1. The team had been scheduled to check out a
new planet where ancient technology was believed to have been placed. Jack had greeted her with his usual nod,
surprising her at his nonchalant attitude towards the woman who had just broken
his heart. But his eyes had held hers
for just a moment more than he usually dared to while on base, obviously
searching for answers to his questions.
But then General Hammond had entered, breaking the eye contact, much to
Sam’s relief. Throughout the meeting,
Jack sat next to her as he usually did, reclined slightly in his chair, half
listening as the General briefed them.
When the meeting had ended, Sam had
been the first one to get up, hastily gathering her notes, and headed to the
door without a glance back. She had then
made a beeline to her lab, closing the door behind her, before setting down her
things and collapsing on a nearby stool.
Her breathing had been unsteady as her insides shook like a leaf. ‘Come on, Sam,’ she’d thought to herself,
‘pull yourself together! This cannot
happen, especially here!’
But she had no sooner calmed down to
a manageable level, and had opened her laptop to attempt to get some work done
when her lab door slid open, with Jack on the other side of it. Shocking her once again that day, Jack had
simply walked over, giving her a half smile, laid a folded piece of paper down
in front of her, and then turned and walked out of the room, shutting the door
behind him.
Sam had just sat there, dumbfounded,
looking at the closed door for what had seemed like an eternity. When she finally found the strength to look
away and look down at the paper in front of her, she had reached for it with a
shaky hand, like it was the verdict of a death sentence.
Sam blinked and took in a long, cleansing breath of the fresh morning air circulating around her room, trying to pull her mind from memories of the recent past. Rolling over onto her side, she reached out a hand and opened her bedside table drawer. Searching blindly with her fingers, she finally found what she was looking for. The paper was still folded the same way Jack had presented it to her, and as she rolled back onto her back, she once again carefully opened the letter she had already read a dozen times.
Sam-
I’ve never been really good at
words, or saying exactly the right thing, so I figured I’d write it down and
see where that gets me. You really
caught me off guard last week when you told me it was over. And though I usually try to portray the manly
man type, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I’m okay…because I’m
not. Frankly, it hurts like hell, and
your decision did nothing short but devastate me. My heart is aching, a feeling I haven’t
experienced since losing Charlie…so I’m hoping you’ll interpret that confession
as proof of just how much I really love you.
I understand that I put you in a
difficult decision back on the Replicator world with Fifth, but I did what I
felt was necessary to keep everyone safe, you being on the top of that
list. I’m not going to apologize for it
or wish I could go back and do things differently…because I wouldn’t. All I can hope is that one day (hopefully
soon), you’ll come to some kind of understanding about it so we can work
through things.
Basically it comes down to this: I
love you enough to hold out hope that I can somehow convince you to pick back
up where we’ve stalled out. Though I
always hoped our careers and respective opinions wouldn’t get in the way of
what we have, I was never foolish enough to put the possibility out of my
mind. But if I do know anything, it’s
this: that I’m not going to give up on you, and I’m not going to let you give
up on us. I don’t care if it takes the
rest of my days, we will find a way to work through this.
Just know that I respect your need
for time and space to think, and I will do my best not to pester you too
much! Though it will be hard to carry on
normal appearances, I think for the sake of our futures, we really need to try
to do our best. So rather its fate’s
intervention or on your own time, I will continue to hold out hope for us and
our future. I love you so much…please
never forget that.
Love,
Jack
Sam’s heart swelled every time she had read that letter, just as it was doing now as she lay in bed reading it once again. The first time she had read it in her lab, she’d had to turn her face away from the security camera due to her inability to hold back her tears. She had just wanted to curl up into a little ball and die right there. Knowing she had hurt Jack so much twisted her insides to the point of pain, causing her to almost double over. After a few minutes had passed and she felt collected enough to quickly gather her things, including the letter, she’d fled for the surface, exiting the base as fast as she dared without arousing suspicion. Driving home, she had pulled into her driveway and had made a beeline for the couch after entering the house and dumping her stuff. There she allowed herself to sob uncontrollably for what seemed like an eternity, until sleep finally overtook her.
Hours later, she had woken up, a disheveled mess with puffy eyes to match. Not having to report back to the base until early the next morning for their mission, she spent the rest of the night with cucumbers on her eyes, hoping to reduce the swelling to a dull roar before morning. And as she lay there, she had decided that she would do her best to put on a normal appearance when she was with Jack, though it would be one of the hardest things she’d done yet. She loved him so much and wanted nothing more than to be with him, but her mind had the driver’s seat, and it was telling her she needed to evaluate things a little further before deciding on anything.
As Sam continued reflecting, she remembered their first encounter that following morning as they were readying themselves for the mission. They had greeted each other with a simple good morning, their tones remaining indifferent since they had Daniel and Teal’c as their audience. But Sam remembered feeling his eyes on her from time to time, and looking over at him, she would capture them long enough to see the critical difference in his mood from what his tone had indicated, lying just underneath the surface of his brown eyes. He was hurting, and it pained her to know she was the cause.
The mission had lasted only a few days, and beyond finding the device they believed to possibly be stemming from the Ancients, nothing unusual had occurred. Sam and Jack had kept the conversation between them to a minimum, and it had become obvious to Sam on that trip that Jack was going to stick to his word: to keep appearances as normal as possible, and not push her to make a decision. He had always been a man of his word, and that character trait was something she admired and respected about Jack the most.
As the days continued on, and they had returned from their mission, General Hammond had given them clearance for a few days off. Folding the letter and carefully placing it back in the drawer where she had found it, Sam folded one arm under her pillow and closed her eyes, remembering one of their more light-hearted conversations. She had met up with him accidentally in the hallway of the SGC, her heart doing it’s usual jump, but with a little extra punch due to the fact that he was in his civilian clothes and looked ruggedly handsome. Giving him a smile that was warmer than it had been since they’d broken up, she had decided to accompany him to the elevators that he was obviously heading for. Jack had just finished telling her that he was headed up to his cabin at the lake.
“I could stay,” Jack stated, with obvious
hope in his tone.
For a moment, Sam wanted nothing
more that to tell him to, but she still hadn’t worked things out in her
head. To be honest, she hadn’t had
time. And with the Ancient artifact now
in her possession, she didn’t see any free time for herself anytime soon. Sighing internally because she did want to
get it worked out, she simply gave him a small smile. “We’ve all been cleared, Sir. The base is clean. Jonas is probably suffering from stress. This is still all pretty new to him.” She briefly thought back on the incident in
the Gate room earlier that morning when they had returned. Jonas swore that he had seen an alien
creature fly into one of the walls, but after a thorough search of the base,
nothing had been found.
Jack felt his heart drop
slightly. He was hoping she wouldn’t
kick his suggestion to the curb so quickly, but it was obvious she still wasn’t
sure which direction she wanted their relationship to go. It had been so hard on him trying to act like
nothing was different between them, and he missed having her in his arms so
much. But he wasn’t giving up, no matter
how far she tried to push him away.
Deciding to give it another shot, he went at her from a different
angle. “You could come with.”
Sam felt her heart skip a beat as
she looked over at him. Not sure what he
had in mind exactly, she spoke up, her voice smaller than normal. “Sir?”
Jack couldn’t help chuckling to
himself as he watched her trying to figure out his intentions. He hated walking on pins and needles, and
frankly was getting a little tired of it.
He really wanted her to come with him so they could have a real heart to
heart talk, and hopefully find a way back to each other. It certainly couldn’t happen while they were
here on base, or anywhere close to it.
“Fishing, Carter. I’m going
fishing.”
Sam could see from the light in his
eyes that he had more in mind than just fishing. Every fiber in her being wanted to accept his
invitation, but how could she go? Not
only was she still unsure of what to do in regards to their personal relationship,
but she had a new piece of technology sitting in her lab, just waiting for her
attention. “You know I’m planning on
studying the artifact.”
Jack sighed. He’d lost out again to the scientific
world. “Yes. It’s always something, isn’t it?”
Sam felt guilty for having to turn
him down and hurting him once more.
Whining just a little, she spoke up after him as he boarded the open
elevator. “Oh, come on, Sir. We both know the only reason you asked is
because you knew I had something else to do.”
Even though she knew that wasn’t true, she had to keep up appearances on
base.
Jack followed suit. “No really.
I think you should come. Fish,
fish some more…” And with that the elevator
doors shut on him, leaving him staring at nothing but he own reflection in the
chrome door.
Sam felt her shoulders drop as the
elevator whisked him away. Turning
around to head back to her lab, a thought hit her. If she finished up with the artifact early,
she might feel up to surprising him.
Although she had planned to work through things on her own, she was
beginning to believe that it was only fair to work things out together. Feeling a little more at ease with the idea
in her head, she picked up the speed of her walk, hoping that time would be on
her side.
Sam opened her eyes and sighed. She really had wanted to make it up there, but time hadn’t been her friend. Jack didn’t even make it to the lake that trip due to the artifact causing an epidemic on the surface. Once he had returned to the base for his debriefing, they had another mission assignment on the books. It had been another opportunity lost to the wind.
Looking back out the window, the sun was now high enough in the sky that the light had changed from a soft orange-pink to a bright, sparkling yellow. Climbing out of her warm cocoon, she grabbed her robe at the end of the bed and slipped it on as she walked to the window. Wrapping her arms around her, she continued to watch the father-son outing. With a small smile curling her lips, she watched as the father helped the young son cast out the line. As the buoy hit the water, it made small ripples in the water that glinted in the morning light.
As a cold, crisp breeze brushed across her face, she shivered and pulled her robe closer. Gradually, her mind drifted back to Jack. It had pained her to turn him down for the fishing trip offer, but she had to be sure of the direction her heart and mind were going. After the team had gotten back from a rather routine and uneventfully short mission, Jack left the base for a vacation, except this time he didn’t make an offer for her to join him. In fact, she hadn’t even known he was going until after he was gone. Though it shouldn’t have, it had hurt her a little. She didn’t know if he had purposely gone for some alone time to think, or simply that he didn’t want to risk being turned down again.
But she never had the chance to ask him. The day he had returned from his vacation, he was arrested and charged with the murder of Senator Kinsey. Jack had been as baffled and confused as the rest of them. What they hadn’t known was that Kinsey wasn’t really dead, but under lock and key at a military hospital in a coma. But from the start of the whole fiasco, Sam made it her personal mission to do everything she could to help him. She owed him at least that much, even if her heart still didn’t know what to do on the personal side of things.
So she had
sought out help from the very people the SCG worked so hard to avoid sharing
any information with…the N.I.D. Luckily,
she was on relatively good terms with Agent Barrett, so she had traveled up to
“So who else knows about this?” Sam asked
Barrett as they walked side by side, discussing the secret investigation that
he was leading in order to expose those in the N.I.D. who were involved in less
than honorable operations, and known as the Shadow group.
Barrett hesitated slightly before
turning and answering. “As of this
moment, the President, a few members of his staff, and you.”
Sam looked incredulously at
him. “You’re working alone?”
Barrett nodded. “The smaller the operation, the less chance
of it being compromised. You have no
idea how far the corruption goes, Major.
Not even the SGC is immune.”
Sam suddenly felt a bit guilty
forcing him to relay this information due to her own situation. “Then you’re taking a big risk talking to
me.”
He looked at her and gave her the
smallest of wry smiles. “I need your
help. Besides, I think there’s more that
you’re not telling me. You’ve seen the
evidence against Colonel O’Neill. What
makes you so sure he’s innocent?”
Sam could feel his eyes on her as
she did her best to conceal her real feelings.
She loved Jack with an incredible passion, and despite the problems they
were having, that emotion had never wavered.
Love was not the problem…the military was. Sam took a small breath, hoping to calm her nerves
before answering him, searching for just the right words to hopefully throw him
off the scent. “When you work with
someone that long, you just know.”
Barrett studied her for a moment
before answering. “No, there’s something
more than that. There’s something you’re
not telling me.”
Sam’s mind raced to find the right
thing to say. She couldn’t believe she
was being so transparent. But
considering her emotional state right now with everything that was happening,
it shouldn’t surprise her that she was having a more difficult time concealing
how she really felt about Jack. Trying
her best to build up irritation that she could voice to him, she looked over
and met his eyes for a moment. “You’re
job requires you to be suspicious of everybody, even your co-workers. Where I come from, we trust each other with
our lives every day. Maybe that’s
something you can’t understand.”
Barrett thought about her answer for
a moment before responding. “Well, I
guess it’s never too late to learn.”
Sam took inhaled a deeper breath of
air, hoping that he was truly playing along with her story as he appeared to
be. She couldn’t risk anyone finding out
about her and Jack’s true feelings for one another, especially now. It would only worsen an already incredibly
bad situation. And though she wanted to
believe that Agent Barrett would never say anything even if he knew the truth,
she couldn’t be sure.
Taking in a
deep, cleansing breath, Sam moved away from the window and walked over to her
dresser. Opening the top drawer, she
moved aside various undershirts until she came across what she was searching
for. Pulling out the frame, she looked
at the picture, her heart suddenly welling up with emotion. It was a picture of her and Jack, snuggled
close with big smiles in the carriage ride they had taken together in
But due to their secret status in the “real” world, ever since framing it, Sam had been forced to keep it hidden in her drawer in case anyone paid a visit to her house and accidentally found their way into her bedroom. Routinely, she pulled it out and just spent time starring at it, dreaming of what it would be like to feel that way all the time as she had that day…free to love the one man that meant more to her than her own life. Placing it face down against her chest, she hugged it tightly as she sat down in a nearby easy chair, pulling her legs up underneath her to curl into a ball. Resting her head back, she allowed her mind to once more drift to Jack and the recent events that had brought her to where she was this morning.
Sam could still remember her surprise at Maybourn’s sudden appearance at the SGC. She was even more surprised to find out that he had with him a piece of technology that even she had never seen, let alone knew anything about. Using it as a bargaining chip to go through the Gate, SG-1 had taken him with them to the location that Maybourne had described as having a cache of Ancient weapons and technology. But it was supposedly protected by an energy barrier that could only be deactivated by the key that Maybourne had, and using a combination that only he knew.
Still mentally kicking herself, she should have expected a trick on Maybourne’s behalf. As she had gone over to assist him in getting the device working, she suddenly had felt a sharp shock run through her body as things went black. Temporarily regaining consciousness, she found herself on the ground, watching helplessly as Jack jumped after Maybourne, who was attempting to escape through the energy barrier he’d obviously gotten working. And before she could blink, they were both gone, along with the barrier, and it was then that her living nightmare had begun.
After Jonas and Teal’c had found her and helped her to her feet, Sam had frantically radioed the SGC for equipment and support in analyzing the doorway. Out of all the artifacts and devices she had analyzed and figured out in the past, she felt confident that they would be able to do the same with this piece of technology. But as the days passed, her confidence had begun to waver and her frustrations had only grown in intensity. Unfortunately for Dr. Lee, he had gotten the blunt force of her mood.
Dr. Lee approached Major Carter with a
delicate edge. “Major, this technology’s
unlike anything we’ve come across before.”
He watched as she appeared to have barely comprehended what he’d just
said.
Sam muttered an irritated
response. “I know.” She was trying to concentrate on the task at
hand, and he wasn’t helping her do that.
But to her dismay, he continued his inquest.
“We have no frame of reference, no
way to interface.” Dr. Lee’s voice
pleaded with her to understand his mind-set.
But all it did was push her to the
edge. Looking over at him, she gave him
a look that could have cut glass, and a tone that equaled it. “I’m working on it, Doctor, as you should
be!” Sam couldn’t believe that she was
having to spend time having this conversation.
Jack was lost, stranded in a place they had no knowledge of and no way
of knowing what kind of conditions he was facing. It unnerved Sam to no end, and as she blamed
herself for his predicament, she suddenly found herself missing him more than
she ever had, especially at the prospect of possibly never seeing him again.
Dr. Lee backed off slightly, giving
her a look of surprise and fear at her sudden and uncharacteristic
response. “Right.” Retreating, he went back to his workstation,
trying to understand what had just happened.
Unbeknown to Sam, Teal’c, who had
been meditating, opened his eyes and studied her. He felt deep sympathy for his friend, for he
knew she was going through Hell. The man
she loved dearly was lost, and the situation presented only a slim chance of
hope at getting him back. He found
himself wishing that she knew he was aware of her and O’Neill’s secret love so
he could help her through this properly, but he didn’t think she needed any
other surprises at the moment. But he
made himself a promise to keep a careful eye on her, and help when an
opportunity presented itself.
As the days had continued to pass, Sam slept less and worried more. She was living in a nightmare that had no end, and it was beginning to affect her dramatically. Suddenly aware of the possibility that she may never see him again, her decision to break up with him seemed so trivial and pointless. All she wanted to do was love him, and tell him how wrong she was to ever doubt they could make it work, despite all the odds. But with no progress made in finding a way to reactivate the doorway that had taken him from her, she feared she’d never get the chance to tell him that she’d finally come to her senses.
Sam had just returned to the planet
from reporting to the SGC when she rejoined Teal’c back at the ancient
doorway. “I covered as much territory as
the range of the UAV will allow.”
Teal’c spoke to her in a soft
voice. “Have you received word from the
Tok’ra?”
Sam nodded, allowing a hint of
disappointment in her voice to surface.
“Yeah. They responded and said they didn’t know when one of their
operatives with access to a ship would be able to help us…” Turning her head, she became distracted
mid-sentence as she watched the scientists collecting their equipment. Quickly turning back to Teal’c, she changed
subjects. “What are they doing?”
Teal’c knew his answer would not go
over well with her. “I believe they have
completed their analysis.”
Sam couldn’t believe what she had
just heard. Marching over to Dr. Lee,
she pounced on him with a temper and sarcasm none of them had ever seen. “Excuse me?
Where’s Colonel O’Neill? I don’t
see him, do you? Did you guys find him
while I was gone?”
Dr. Lee could see the stress had
gotten to her, and while wondering if it wasn’t something more, he chose to
ignore that thought and respond to her as defensively as he dared. “We’ve been here for a week and, I’m not
sure, but I’m pretty certain we could all spend the rest of our natural lives
trying to figure out exactly how this works.
Do you know what? Even if I could
snap my fingers and turn it on right now, I’m beginning to doubt whether it
would determine where it sent Colonel O’Neill.
I’d bet anything that the targeting data is in the artifact that Colonel
Maybourne used to open that doorway.” He
took a much needed breath and waited for the top to blow.
Sam was shocked at his attitude
towards her. All it did was insure her
anger raged on. “I say when we’re done
here,” she said, with flames licking at her words as she said them.
Dr. Lee decided there was no point
in backing down now. “With all due
respect, Major, I will submit my report to General Hammond. If he’s prepared to commit to a long term
analysis project, I’m happy to come back, with my big suitcase. But until then, if you’ll excuse me?” Turning around, he took shaky steps away from
her, hoping that she wouldn’t shoot him twice in the back with her Zat.
Sam felt enraged and defeated all in
one moment. She didn’t know where to go
from here. Her help was leaving and they
were no closer to knowing anything then before they had started. And somewhere out there, lost in a place she
couldn’t reach, was her destiny. But
what scared her more than anything at that moment was that she might never get
the chance to show him just how much she believed in them and their future. And of course there was the darker question
looming in the back of her mind: would
he forgive her for being so stupid and foolish as to think they could live
their lives apart from each other? The
possibility of his answer scared her more than she chose to admit. But she found herself hoping that she’d at
least get the chance to ask him..
Sam opened her eyes and slowly unfolded her legs out from underneath her, allowing the blood to flow back through them properly. Looking over at her walk-in closet door, she carefully replaced the picture back in the dresser drawer before moving over to it. Turning the brass knob, she opened it. Entering the closet, she reached up to the shelf on her left and pulled down an adorable teddy bear. It was a silky soft brown with a bright red ribbon tied around the neck. And in its paws was a white, heart-shaped silk pillow, with the phrase “Thinking of You” stitched on the front. Sam hugged it close to her chest, burying her face into it. Jack had given it to her what seemed liked ages ago. He had told her it was so she would always know and remember that even when he wasn’t with her, he was thinking of her.
Her heart swelled with emotions. Moving out of the closet, she sat down on the edge of the bed once more and laid back down, curling into a ball on her side, with the teddy bear nestled close to her heart as she rested her chin on the top of its head. Going back in time once more, Sam suddenly remembered the breaking point for her during their efforts to rescue Jack from the place he’d been sent to with Maybourne.
The darkness around her was almost
calming, allowing her to shut everything else out except what she was
feeling. And she was desperately
hurting. Letting the tears flow easily
down her face, she gripped the edge of the hard metal bench she sat upon,
curling her fingers around it until the cold metal bit into her skin. Not caring about the minor discomfort in comparison
to the incredible ache in her heart, Sam didn’t know what to do or where to go
from the point she seemed endlessly suspended in.
Jack was gone, out of her reach, and
with the very good possibility of never seeing him again. The thought sent her mind spinning in all
directions, making it impossible to think clearly or rationally. They’d exhausted every possibility they could
think of to open that portal, but each one only brought utter failure and more
heartache.
But what hurt the most was that she
had left him, foolishly believing that it was the best for both of them. How wrong she had been, and now it was
possibly too late to change things. But
then she didn’t even know if she’d pushed too far. Even if he were here, Sam feared that he
would be too afraid she’d pull back again later on and tell her it was too late
to go back. Sitting there feeling
impossibly lonely, Sam realized for the first time what she must have put Jack
through when she told him it was over.
Crying for herself and for what she
had done to Jack and his love for her, Sam failed to hear the locker room door
open softly behind her. Still sitting in
her workout clothes, Sam jumped as Teal’c’s voice suddenly filled the
room.
“Major Carter.” His voice was deep and tender, obvious
concern for his friend surfacing.
Sam quickly wiped at her tears and
sniffed quietly as she responded, her voice unable to hide the fact that she
was so upset. “Teal’c. This is the women’s locker room.”
Teal’c wasn’t going to abandon her
when she so obviously needed help.
Thinking of a response, he answered her.
“It appears there is no one else here but you, and you are fully
clothed.”
Sam sat up a little straighter and
couldn’t help a small, sad smile forming on her lips at his sense of the
obvious. “True.” She wiped again at her face as he came around
and sat down next to her. Sam could feel
his eyes on her, exploring her features for answers to the questions she was
sure he had.
Teal’c could see how deeply upset
she was at O’Neill’s absence. He feared
for his friend’s safety and hoped that he was alright, but it was obvious that
Major Carter was in just as much danger; maybe not physically, but certainly
emotionally. Though he rarely allowed
too much emotion to cloud his heart, and subsequently his mind, he attempted to
reach out to her. He knew that O’Neill
would want him to.
Teal’c spoke up with an even softer
tone. “Are you alright, Major
Carter?” He knew it was a dumb question,
but he had to ask.
Sam halfway shook her head, with her
voice cracking as she responded to his question. “I’m fine, yeah.”
Teal’c could see that she was trying
to convince herself of that, but it had become very obvious over the past few
days that she wasn’t. “Have you given up
hope of finding O’Neill?” He hated
asking the question, but he needed to know the extent of what she was thinking,
along with the depth of her pain.
Sam bit down on her lower lip,
trying her best to control her emotions, but with little success. She could feel another surge of tears on the
horizon even as she opened her mouth to speak.
“Hope? No. I’m starting to think Dr. Lee is right. I don’t think the doorway is the
answer.” She took a short, shaky breath
before precariously continuing. “It’s
been almost a month, Teal’c. If there
were a way back…It just…it feels like we just lost Daniel, and I don’t know if
I can…” For all her efforts, Sam
couldn’t contain her tears any longer. Reaching
out for Teal’c’s broad, solid form, she wrapped and arm around his neck and
allowed herself to cry openly, not caring what he thought, though she knew he
would not judge her.
Feeling his strong hand on her back,
she dug deeper into her rolling emotional state and just let go, allowing him
to hold her as she sobbed like a baby.
After what seemed like an eternity to her, she finally pulled back out
of his embrace and wiped at her face once more.
Daring a glance in his direction, she met his eyes. But instead of them
being suspicion and questioning of her erratic behavior, she found that they
were only caring and concerned for her.
Relishing
momentarily at his alien ignorance, Sam mustered a very small smile. “Sorry.
I guess you weren’t expecting that.
I certainly didn’t mean to…”
Teal’c cut her off. “Major Carter. It is not necessary to explain your
actions. It was obvious you needed
someone to talk to, and I am concerned for your well-being. Offering my help was mandatory, not optional. Besides, I know that O’Neill would want me to
help you. He would expect nothing less.”
Sam knew he was right. But how was she going to explain her
emotional state? Using Daniel’s death as
an excuse was only a partial truth. She
couldn’t tell him about her relationship with Jack, could she? Looking over at him, she gave him a small
smile and took a breath. “Teal’c, maybe
I should explain…”
Again, he cut her off. “I do not require an explanation, Major
Carter. I know you grieve for the loss
of Daniel Jackson, and now at the possibility of not getting Colonel O’Neill
back. Everyone expects miracles from
you, and I feel they forget that you are merely human. Even if you fail to find a way to get O’Neill
home, it is not your fault, nor your failure.
But I refuse to give up hope yet.
I believe that we will see O’Neill again.”
Sam studied him for a long
moment. He was incredibly wise and
infallibly honest. Just the fact that he
didn’t require her to explain her odd behavior made her feel surprisingly
better. It was rare to find a person on
Earth that could match his qualities.
And through this simple act of just listening to her and not judging,
she actually felt a small surge of hope and renewed energy. Taking a deeper, more cleansing breath, she
gave him a real smile. “Thank you,
Teal’c.” Reaching out, she placed her
hand on his and gave it a gentle squeeze.
Knowing he required no further
explanations, she stood up and wiped at her eyes one more time. Deciding to go for a quick run to clear her
head before returning to her lab, she moved to the door and gave him another
look before walking out. Teal’c was the
definition of a true friend, and she was incredibly lucky to have him in her
life.
Feeling emotionally exhausted, Sam opened her eyes and forced herself to get up. Moving into the bathroom, she turned on the shower and got undressed. Stepping under the pellets of hot water, her skin reacted immediately to the therapeutic touch. Letting the water run aimlessly over her head and skin, Sam ran her hands over her wet hair, slicking it back. Reaching for the shampoo bottle, she lathered her hair, massaging her scalp at the same time.
But no amount of scrubbing and relaxation could keep her mind from running over the past events. After her talk with Teal’c in the locker room, her run had been refreshing enough to give her a slightly uplifted perspective, along with renewed encouragement to keep going.
The shower felt great after her 10 mile
run. She hadn’t intended to go so far,
but her body seemed to know what it needed to get her back in the right mindset
for what she needed to be doing. And
that was finding a way to bring Jack home.
He may not want her anymore, but she at least owed him every effort she
had to get him back; he would do nothing less for her.
Arriving in her lab after quickly
dressing, Sam had only just begun to go over her notes when Teal’c walked
in. It took only one look for him to
know that something was different about her.
He recognized the spark of determination in her eyes and realized the
Carter he knew was back. Happy to see
that she had found a way to work through some of the turmoil in her mind, he
bowed his head in her direction. “Major
Carter. I am happy to see that you
appear more rested.”
Sam gave him a heartwarming
smile. She owed him a lot. “I am.”
She could see that she didn’t need to say anything else; her presence in
the lab was all he needed to know that she was doing better, at least for the
time being. As she turned back to her
computer, Teal’c joined her, quietly waiting to see what he could do to help.
No more that ten minutes later,
Jonas walked into her lab. “General
Hammond says he’s considering new SG-1 leaders; you included, Major.”
Sam could feel a slight irritation
at his comment beginning to surface. The
last thing she wanted to think about was finding a replacement for Jack. It was something she just couldn’t handle
right now. Trying her best to quench her
annoyance, she gave him a quick, half smile.
“We know.” Abruptly changing the
subject, she continued. “Do you have
anything?”
The light bulb popped on over Jonas’
head. “Yeah, yeah…I was finally able to
come up with some photos of that artifact Maybourne got his hands on. It’s quite old, making the scroll a bit
difficult to read, and I’m pretty sure the markings on the stone are just
decoration, but…”
Suddenly, Sam interrupted him. She had been half listening and half watching
the footage of the planet where the doorway was. Teal’c had put it on moments before and
something grabbed her attention, causing her heart to skip a beat. “Teal’c, wind back that tape!”
Complying with her request, Sam
waited anxiously for the moment in the footage she was looking for. Suddenly, she saw it. “Stop!
There…”
Jonas, who had joined them for a
closer look, spoke up. “That was the
first day we were there.” Not really
seeing anything significant, he was curious to know what it was that had
sparked her attention.
Sam hadn’t even heard his
comment. Her voice held excitement for
the first time in weeks. “I don’t
believe it! It wasn’t visible after that…I
forgot it was even there.”
Jonas
was really confused now. “What?”
Sam looked over at him briefly and
then pointed to the screen. “The
moon! The doorway device doesn’t use wormhole
technology; it wasn’t designed to send you across the galaxy. We thought they’d been sent somewhere else on
the planet, but they haven’t been.
They’ve been sent to that moon!”
The room seemed to be almost spinning as her brain put everything
together.
Jonas wanted to believe her theory,
but he still had his doubts and questions.
“How do you know that?”
Sam grabbed the photo of the
artifact that Maybourne had used to access the doorway. Pointing to it, she defended her
reasoning. “The big circle is the
planet, the little circle is the moon…the line between them is the path of
transportation!” Looking from Teal’c to
Jonas, she could see she was finally getting through to them. Holding onto the photo, she headed for the
door. General Hammond had to be the next
one to know. If there was still a Tok’ra
ship close to the vicinity, it could pick them up and transport them down to
the planet. Keeping her fingers mentally
crossed, she headed for his office with an extra stride in her step, and her
teammates in tow.
General Hammond had taken action immediately after Sam had told him her breakthrough idea. Sending a message to the Tok’ra with their urgent request, Sam had been immensely relieved to hear that the same ship that had done the initial planetary scan was only a few hundred thousand light years away, and could be there in a few hours. Wanting to be there when they were transported to the planet from the moon, General Hammond had given SG-1 permission to return to the planet and escort their fellow teammate and friend home, along with Maybourne.
As Sam continued her refreshing shower, running the soapy loofa slowly over her skin, she closed her eyes and remembered that critical moment that had her nerves in knots…
Shielding her eyes from the sun
shining overhead, Sam stared up into the blue abyss, endlessly searching for
signs of the Tok’ra ship entering the atmosphere. They had arrived on the planet 30 minutes
ago, and with her nerves on edge, it felt to her like they’d been there for
three hours. Teal’c, Jonas, and a small
medical unit waited with her, hoping that as the minutes crept by, it was not
an indication that there were complications in the rescue mission.
With all the guilt over what she had
been putting him through, combined with the frustration of trying to figure out
how the doorway worked, Sam had barely given thought to Jack’s physical
condition and how he was fairing on the moon.
But now that their location had been discovered, her worry had been
transferred to his welfare. After all,
it had been a month, and who knew what kind of resources, if any, that they had
to survive on. She knew that Jack was
resourceful; all she could hope was that it had been enough to keep him
alive.
Blinking back tears that had started
to form, she focused her attention on an object that had just appeared in the
sky, glinting brightly like a star. It
was the Tok’ra ship. Swallowing hard,
she held her breath as it approached, slowing it’s descent as it’s afterburners
kicked up dust as it made a soft landing.
The door to the ship slid open, and out into the sunlight stepped Jack,
with Maybourne at his side as he helped him hobble along. The Tok’ra Jolen was at Maybourne’s other
side, also helping to support him.
As they approached, Sam and the
others moved forward to meet them. The
medical unit moved ahead of Sam, Teal’c, and Jonas, and took Maybourne from
Jack and Jolen, helping him to sit carefully on the ground so they could
examine him briefly before heading back to the Stargate. Jack looked over at Jolen and shook his
hand. “Thanks again, buddy. We really appreciate the lift.”
Jolen nodded. “There is no need for thanks, Colonel. The Tok’ra owe you’re people a great
deal. It was the least I could do. Besides, if I hadn’t received Major Carter’s
call for help, I would have never known you were in need of my assistance.”
At the mention of Sam’s name, Jack
slowly turned his head and met her eyes for the first time since he’s gotten
trapped on that moon. Standing there in
the bright sun, looking at him with those amazing eyes of hers, Jack couldn’t
help feeling like he was dreaming. He
had honestly begun to lose hope that he’d never get to see her again. Though he knew full well that there was still
a barrier between them, it felt so good to be standing in her presence
again. It was the best medicine he could
have asked for.
Sam watched him carefully as he made
the brief exchange with Jolen. She could
see that he was exhausted, a little thinner, with a few cuts and bruises, and
one nasty wound to his leg, but other than that, amazingly okay for all that he
had been through. But when his eyes
suddenly found hers, she caught her breath as her heart began rapidly beating
in her chest. She wanted nothing more
than to take him into her arms and never let go, but despite the obvious
reasons why she couldn’t do that, she also had to remember that nothing had
been resolved between them. But with the
look that Jack was giving her, she allowed herself to think there might be a
slim chance of resolving things to a point that would bring them back
together.
Realizing he’d been starring at Sam
a little too long, he rapidly blinked and cleared his throat. Looking over at Teal’c and then Jonas, he
smiled and nodded. “So what’d I miss?”
Teal’c returned his smile. “It is good to have you back, O’Neill. Do you require medical assistance?”
Jack looked down at himself. “Not as much as I need a good shower, some
real food, and about two days worth of sleep.”
Jonas spoke up, obvious concern in
his voice. “But, Colonel, you’re still
bleeding from that wound in your leg.
Shouldn’t you let…”
Jack held up a hand. “It’s nothing that can’t be patched up by the
Doc when we get back.”
Sam voiced her concern as well. “Sir, were you shot? The Tok’ra scans only indicated you and Maybourne
as the two life signs.”
Jack ran a hand through his hair and
nodded towards Maybourne, who was moaning and groaning on the ground as the
medics worked on him. “Yeah, let’s just
say Maybourne wasn’t quite himself. I’ll
tell you all about it later. No offense,
but I know that
Sam watched them go briefly with
Jonas in tow before turning and walking over to Jolen. Trying to keep her emotions in check, she
cleared her throat before speaking.
“Jolen, thank you. I can’t tell
you how much we appreciate you helping us rescue Colonel O’Neill. It means so much.”
Jolen was touched by the sincerity
of her thanks. Something told him that
this rescue meant more to her than the others, but he wasn’t going to pursue
it. Simply giving her a smile, he
responded. “You are welcome, Major. It was fortunate that I was still in the
area. Anytime I can be of assistance,
please let me know.”
As he began to turn away from her
and head back to his ship, Sam spoke up again.
“Jolen…tell my dad I said hi and that I hope he can find time in his
busy schedule to come visit soon.”
Jolen nodded and smiled. “I will.
Take care, Major Carter.” With
that, he headed back to his ship. As it
took off, Sam wandered over to where Maybourne was.
Looking down at him, she wanted to
give him the third degree for taking her weapon and zatting her, but she knew
that her real anger was at herself for allowing any of it to happen. Sighing heavily, she addressed the two men
taking care of him. “How’s he
doing? Can he walk back to the Gate?”
One of the medics shook his
head. “He’s going to be fine. I don’t think he’ll have a problem making it
back to the Gate under his own weight.”
Suddenly, as if Jack had heard them,
his voice came floating over the air.
“Come on, Maybourne,” Jack yelled from where he’d stopped. “Get off your ass and let’s go home!”
Sam couldn’t help but smile at
Jack’s comment. Maybourne caught sight
of it and grumbled loudly. “What are you
smiling at, Major? I would think a
little sympathy would be in order here.”
Sam almost laughed out loud. “Don’t push it, Maybourne. Come on, let’s go.” Watching as the medics got him to his feet,
she took up the rear, following the group to the Stargate that had just been
activated. As she approached the open
wormhole, she took one last look around her at the planet that had started all
of this. She wondered what fate awaited
her on the other side, if it would be kind to her, or intolerably cruel. There was only one way to find out. Stepping through the Gate, she traveled back
to Earth, and hopefully back to a man who loved her, rather than a man who possibly
didn’t want her love anymore.
Sam stepped out of the shower and grabbed her towel. Drying herself off, she wrapped the towel around her and reached into a nearby drawer for her brush. As she brushed her hair, she studied her reflection in the mirror. The woman before her was so different from the girl she used to know. The military had changed in her in ways that were both good and bad. Of course, beyond the science and the amazing off-world adventures, the best part of it had been Jack.
Setting her brush down, she proceeded to finish getting ready for the day, and as she pulled on her clothes, her mind wandered back in time again. The day that they had rescued Jack and brought him home hadn’t been kind. After arriving back at Earth, Sam was informed that Colonel O’Neill had been taken to the infirmary and would be there for a few hours for observation. And since Jack’s official debriefing, scheduled to take place after his release, technically only required his presence, the General had given the rest of SG-1 leave for the next few days.
Sam remembered feeling disappointed at not being able to even talk to him. Though she could have gone to visit him in the infirmary, she had reasoned that it would only bring up emotions that she could not curtail very easily. So she had elected to work in her lab the rest of the day, trying to catch up on other things that had been put to the side when Jack’s rescue took front and center.
But after four hours, she was no closer to accomplishing anything. Jonas had come by to see how she was doing, and to inform her that Jack had been released and was in his debriefing with General Hammond. So feeling utterly alone and unable to concentrate on anything, Sam decided to leave the base that evening and head home. But that wasn’t where her car had taken her.
Instead, she had found herself parked outside of Jack’s house, debating on rather or not she should wait for him. She knew they needed to talk, but she was actually scared to. She remembered telling herself that she was Major Samantha Carter, someone who was not only brilliant but apart of the best team the SGC had, and proved it every time they went off world. So why was she so afraid to talk to him? It had only taken her heart a few seconds to answer back: she was afraid she had already lost him.
But she had managed to draw courage out of the deepest places in her soul, and one hour later, she stood in Jack’s bedroom at the window, looking out over a moonlit nightscape of his backyard. She gulped when she heard the front door open and close.
Jack, exhausted and happy to be
home, stood in the quiet of his darkened house, listening. When he had pulled in, his heart had skipped
a beat at the site of her car sitting in his driveway. So where was she? “Sam?”
His voice sounded hollow as it echoed off his walls. When no response came, he put down his things
and carefully made his way to the bedroom.
Instinct was leading him there, and he trusted that.
Entering the room, he stopped in his
tracks, mesmerized by the outline of her beautiful body in the moonlight as it
streamed in from the window she was standing at. Perplexed as to why she hadn’t answered him,
he softly cleared his throat. “Sam? You okay?”
Sam wiped at her eyes, hoping that
she didn’t look like the wreck she felt.
Turning around slowly, she met his eyes in the dark and nodded. “Hey, Jack.”
Pausing to take a breath, she watched as he took a few steps to the
bedside lamp and clicked it on the lowest setting. Light flooded the room, causing her to squint
as her eyes adjusted.
Jack saw her reaction. “Sorry.
I just thought it might be a little easier to talk this way, unless
you’ve suddenly got some kind of undead thing going on.” When he could see that his attempt at humor
had failed to affect her, he became worried.
“Sorry. So what’s up?”
Sam felt a stab of pain at his
nonchalant tone. Briefly regretting
waiting for him, she purged the thought and decided to just get it over
with. Crossing her arms over her chest,
she spoke up. “I wanted to see how you
were. I’m sorry I didn’t come to visit
you in the infirmary, but with everything the way it is between us…well, I just
wasn’t sure it was the right idea.”
Trying to sound as casual as she could, she took a breath. “I also wanted to hear first hand what
happened on that moon, and to tell you how sorry I am that it took so long to
figure out how to rescue you.”
Jack gave her a
you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me look. “Sam,
first off, you are just one person, and while without a doubt the smartest
person we have, you are not solely responsible for solving every problem that
comes our way, even though you usually do.
And secondly,” he stated, striding over closer to her, “do you really
expect me to believe that bull that you just said? While I appreciate your concern, I really
don’t think that’s why you’re here.”
Taking a few steps closer, he put a finger under her chin, lifting it
enough so her eyes met his. Softening
his voice, he continued. “So let’s have
it…why are you really here?”
Sam gave him a weak smile and
stepped away from his touch. She
definitely couldn’t say this with him touching her. It was electrifying and she couldn’t think
straight. “I’m sorry.”
Jack looked confused. “Okay, that’s a start, but I need a bit
more.”
Sam wasn’t sure if he had a real
attitude or if he was being a smartass.
Cursing herself as another tear slipped out, she wiped at it and looked
at him again. “I’m sorry for breaking
your heart. I never intended to ever
hurt you…ever.”
Jack took a step towards her as she
took a step back. Holding up his hands,
he responded. “Look, Sam,…”
Sam shook her head. “No, Jack, I need to say this. Just let me get this out before I
can’t.” Taking a quick breath, she
plunged on. “I really don’t know what I
was thinking…how I could give up on us so easily. I guess I was just so mad about how you
treated Fifth, and then things just got out of hand. I was confused. I guess I let my mind take over my heart for
a short time, and that…well that was a huge mistake. I kept telling myself that it couldn’t work,
that it was wrong, that we’d only end up apart in the end anyway because the
SGC would find out. The situation with
the Replicators was just the driving force…the driving force to apparently
insecurities that’d I’d been having.
But one thing I was never insecure
about was…are my feelings for you. They
just clouded my judgment, and subsequently you got hurt. Jack, I love you. I have since the moment I laid eyes on you,
and I will love you till the day I die.
But I know that’s not always enough.
I’ve hurt you terribly, and I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to
see me again. But when I thought I’d
lost you forever after you went through that doorway, I became someone I didn’t
know. And I realized it was because I
didn’t have you. You complete me…and so
I promised myself that if you were rescued, I’d let you know I was ready to try
again…that is if you still want me, or even love me.” Allowing a shuttered breath to flood her
body, she wiped at another tear as she waited for his response.
Jack was floored. He didn’t know what to say. Thoughts raced through his mind, letting the
minutes tick by as he stood there looking at her. When he finally found his voice, it was soft
and unrated. “Sam, look, I…”
As Sam had stood there waiting for
his response, each minute that ticked by grated on her nerves until she knew
what his answer was going to be. She had
already lost his love. When he finally
started to speak, the coward in her surfaced, and she couldn’t face the
rejection that was waiting on his next breath.
Interrupting him, she quickly spoke in broken sentences. “It’s okay.
I understand. I’m…sorry.” Turning around, she fled his room and ran for
the front door. Opening it up, she made
a beeline for her car and jumped in. Turning
the key, she started it up and sped out of his driveway and out of his life.
Sam found
herself remembering that horrible moment as she stood by the window again,
dressed in a pair of jeans and a warm,
Yesterday, all my
troubles seemed so far away.
Now it looks as though they're here to stay.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.
Why she had to go
I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong,
Now I long for yesterday.
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Why she had to go
I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong,
Now I long for yesterday.
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm.
Lost in thought and memory, Sam jumped as muscular arms suddenly wrapped around her. Leaning into them, she found her voice. “I wasn’t expecting you until tonight. You should be sleeping you know.”
Jack smiled. “I know, but every time I closed my eyes, I thought of you.” Kissing the back of her supple neck, he used his arms to turn her around to face him. When he did, his facial expression immediately changed to one of concern. “What’s wrong?” Wiping at her tears, his heart ached to see her crying. There had been too many tears shed already.
Sam waved off him off. “It’s nothing.” When Jack just looked at her, she knew that her lame excuse hadn’t gone over well. Sighing, she hung her head. “I guess I was just reliving everything…from when we broke up, to you getting lost, to all the things I said…” Trailing off, she squeezed her eyes tight to try and pull her emotions back in check.
Jack simply pulled her close. “You can stop the brave soldier routine anytime. What happened is in the past. We can learn from it, but we don’t need to dwell on it.” Pulling her back so he could look into her blue eyes, he continued. “I love you, now and always. You should know by now that nothing you do is going to sway me otherwise.” Cupping her cheeks, he kissed her deeply.
Sam felt elated. She didn’t deserve to be loved like this. But when Jack did something, he gave his all, and she knew she had his whole heart. As the kiss ended, Sam gave him a smile and traced her fingers lightly over the surface of his cheek. “Thank you for not giving up on me. Your patience and loyalty to me is something I really don’t deserve…but I’ll take without reservation.” Pausing, she looked him over and could see the exhaustion still hanging in the circles under his eyes. Taking his hand, she led him to her bed.
Jack grinned. “Now this is the kind of direction I like going!”
Sam laughed. “Down, boy! Right now you need your rest, and since I can’t obviously trust you getting sleep at your house, you’re going to stay right here and sleep the day away. I’ll even tuck you in.”
As Sam covered him with the blankets after expertly removing his pants and shoes, she kissed him lightly on the lips. “I love you, Jack O’Neill. Never forget that.”
Jack took her hand and kissed it. “No problem.” As his body relaxed and his eyes began to close, giving in to the confines of sleep, he asked her one more question before drifting off. “Will you be here when I wake up?”
Sam kissed his forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.” As she watched him fade into an easy sleep, she thought back to last night, and how the worst night of her life had turned into the best.
Sam burst into her house in tears, dropping
her keys and sobbing like a child.
Collapsing on the floor from physical and mental exhaustion, she curled
up into a ball on her side and cried for all she had just lost.
As Sam continued to cry, she failed
to hear the squeal of tires outside her house.
Jack, in a mad dash, ran through her front yard and up to her front door
in lightning speed. Prepared to break
the door down if he had to, Jack burst through the front door and practically
fell over Sam where she was lying on the floor.
Heartbroken at the site of such tremendous pain, he bent over and
scooped her up off the floor like a child.
Despite his fatigue, Jack carried her to the couch and sat down with
her, holding onto her for dear life.
For a long time, nothing was
said. Jack just held her, rocking her
and running his hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her pain. It had obviously been bottled up inside for
so long that it was eating her from the inside out. He hated to see her in pain, and he knew that
if he was really honest with himself, it had started long before their
Replicator tiff. All the secrecy and
lies surrounding their relationship was taking its toll. It had to be stopped, and though he wanted to
figure out how to do it, now wasn’t the time.
Right now he needed to give every ounce of strength he had left to
Sam. She needed him now more than
ever.
After what felt like forever, Sam
managed to finally curb her tears.
Sniffing uncontrollably, she looked up into Jack’s face. The pain she was feeling was reflected in his
face as he looked back at her. Managing
some control, she muttered out a few words.
“You shouldn’t be here. It’s only
going to make things worse.”
Jack wiped at her wet cheeks with
the back of his hand. The emotion was
running so deep that even he found it hard to speak without his voice
cracking. “I wouldn’t be anywhere
else.” Seeing the slight confusion cross
her face, he went on. “You know, for
someone who is supposed to be so brilliant, you really can have your dumb
moments.” Not giving her a chance to
reply, he quickly continued. “You ran
out of there so fast, I never got to finish what I was trying to say. As far as I was concerned, I’d assumed there
was no more chance for us, especially when you didn’t come to see me in the
infirmary after I got back. So when I
came home to find you in my bedroom, I was shocked. And then I became stunned by your declaration
of love…so much so that it took me a few minutes to process what you had said,
and more importantly, what it meant for our future.” Taking a breath, he went on. “So what you never gave me the chance to say
was that I was just surprised, but that of course I still wanted you! Samantha, I will always love you. That’s something that will never change. My heart will always be yours.”
Sam was astonished by the man
holding her. She never really knew the
capacity of his love until that moment.
And if it was possible, she found herself loving him even more. She felt like such the fool for assuming, for
acting like a child who’d lost her favorite toy. Though she knew Jack didn’t see it that way,
she still felt like she owed him an apology.
“I’m so sorry, Jack,” she said, wiping at her face and she tried to pull
herself back together. “I guess with
everything that’s been happening, I just…”
Jack stopped her by placing a finger
over her lips. “I’m not asking for an
explanation. You’re human, and though
you’re as close to perfect as anyone’s going to get, especially in the brains
department, I don’t expect you to hold up that front all the time. Frankly, it makes me feel better to know that
you can let down your guard.”
Sam starred into his face,
memorizing the love she saw in his eyes.
Cupping his cheek with her hand, she guided him closer to her. “I love you.”
With that said, she sought out his lips, kissing them lightly at first,
and then with more hunger. As he instantly
responded, they both reclined back on the couch, with Jack on top of her,
melting into her.
As the intensity of their passion
increased, Sam pulled away momentarily.
“Are you sure you want to do this?
You’ve got to be exhausted.”
Jack curled a strand of her hair
around his finger. “I’m not that
tired. We’ve got a lot of time to make
up for.” Saying nothing else, he
captured her lips again, silencing any further protest. Deep into the night, they made love over and
over again, rejoicing in their renewed love and making up for the seven weeks
that they had lost.
Looking at the clock after their latest
lovemaking session, Jack groaned. It was
0300 hours. Although he wanted to do
this for the rest of the night, he also knew that he was taxing his body to a
point it couldn’t take. Resting his head
down on her chest, he listened to her heart beating. It was incredibly soothing and sounded so
safe.
Sam could sense that he was
beginning to give into his utter exhaustion.
How he had held out this long, she didn’t know, but the pure ecstasy she
felt made her happy he’d been able to do it.
Running her long fingers though his salt and pepper hair, she spoke up
quietly. “Come on…let’s go get you to
bed. You need your rest.”
Jack regrettably sat up and
stretched his back. Looking down at her
in all her glory, love irradiated from her skin. She was incredibly beautiful, and he was
incredibly lucky. Amazed to be feeling
any arousal after all they had done, he knew his rest wouldn’t come easily
here. “I think I’d better go home and
sleep. Somehow I think that if we share
a bed, no matter how tired I am, I won’t be sleeping.”
Sam hated the idea of going to bed
alone, but she knew he was right.
Grabbing her shirt, she threw it on and got up with him. Watching him get dressed made her just want
to jump him all over again. “Yeah, I
think you’re right.”
Seeing the look of lust she was
giving him, he did his best to hurry things along. After hastily pulling on his shoes, he
grabbed her hand. “Come on, walk me to
the door before I get in trouble again.”
Reaching the front door, Sam embraced him with a bear hug.
Her voice cracked slightly as she
spoke. “Thank you for loving me. I promise I’ll do my best never to hurt you
again.”
Jack pulled back and kissed her,
sending a fire through his body that made him ache for her all over again. “Damn, I shouldn’t have done that.” Hearing her laugh, he smiled back at
her. “How about we resume this makeup
session tonight? Just make sure you get
your rest because I’ll be raring to go!”
Sam gave him a quick kiss and opened
the front door, letting in a blast of cold air.
Shivering, she drew him to her once more. “I’ll be ready. Just focus on your rest. You’re going to need it.” Capturing his lips again, she became one with
him momentarily as she pressed her body against his and used her tongue to
explore every inch of his wonderful mouth.
When she released him, she smiled at his obvious bliss. “That’s to keep you warm. See you tonight.”
With that, she closed the door as he turned around and started for his truck in a happy daze. All he kept thinking to himself was that he hoped the old saying ‘sleep makes time go by quicker’ was true. Because otherwise, it was going to be a really long day.