When Reality Strikes

Title: When Reality Strikes

Author: Suz W.

Feedback: I would love it!

Spoilers: After Double Jeopardy, Exodus, Enemies, and Threshold (episode tag)

Rating: R, S/J Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sexual Situations, and Action/Adventure

Summary: Sam and Jack try to deal with the new reality of their situation, and look for the strength to survive.

Disclaimer: All publicity recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.

Copyright: The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Copyrighted on June 20, 2004, by Suzanne R. Whitmarsh.

Author’s Notes: This story follows “Soul Searching”. I know that it seems I’ve taken our favorite couple down a darker path, but the way I see it, that is something that is always unavoidable in life. No matter how wonderful things can be, there always has to be that rocky path to help us become stronger than we already are. So keep reading and enjoy this latest story, and remember, feedback is always welcomed and greatly appreciated!

Dedication: I want to dedicate this story to Gail D. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your support and friendship. As a fellow writer of Sam and Jack fics, I know you understand how important it is to have a strong foundation of support when writing stories. So thank you for being apart of mine!

Sam looked up at the clock on the wall of her lab. 2100 hours. A few hours had passed since Teal’c had managed to pull himself back from the brink of death. Bra’tac had just left through the Stargate to Chulak, eager to deliver the news of his friend’s miraculous recovery from the Rite of Malshuraan. Being the first to successfully survive it, there was a lot to celebrate.

But despite the joyous event, Sam didn’t feel as happy as she knew she should. Frustration was overwhelming her soul, clouding her mind from focusing properly. It had been nearly four weeks since she had been possessed by the entity and had lost the baby. During that time, the days had crept by. The activities of the SGC had been normal. SG-1 had been on two different missions. There was the usual paperwork, briefings and de-briefings, research work, and then of course the fight for Teal’c life. But in all that time, no quality time had been spent with Jack. And that had begun to worry Sam.

In her heart, she knew that Jack loved her, but her mind was telling her that something had changed. There was an invisible wall between them that Jack had erected since she had lost the baby. Despite her best efforts to convince him that it wasn’t his fault, she knew Jack, and she knew that he would never allow himself to place the blame anywhere other than his shoulders.

Besides the lack of time spent together, Sam had also noticed the ease with which he allowed himself to become impatient with her, and with everything around him. Sam thought back to when Harlan had contacted them and she had suggested that General Hammond let him come through the Gate. Jack had given her a ‘what are you thinking’ look, which had surprised her. They had yet to discuss it, but she knew he had been irritated with her for doing that. Normally, she would have just ignored it, but she had begun to sense that it was as if he were searching for ways to push her away, or rather to convince himself that they were better off apart.

Sam shuttered. The thought of being separated from him was more than she could bear. She loved him so much it hurt. She was great at figuring out whatever scientific problem came her way. She could hypothesize, formulate, and offer a solution that was almost always correct. But emotions were different, and she didn’t have the first clue on how to solve the challenge now in front of her. She was losing Jack, and she didn’t know where to start in order to fix the problem. And that was what frustrated her the most.

Sighing, she looked down at her computer screen and the data displayed on it and knew she was getting nowhere. Her stomach growled and without motivation to keep working, got up to answer its call. She hadn’t eaten much of anything since Teal’c had begun his ‘last rites’, and that was now catching up to her.

Sam made her way down the halls, empty of the normal hustle and bustle of activity because of the late hour. The quiet penetrated her ears, and she found herself walking in rhythm to the beating of her heart. She knew the commissary wouldn’t be serving anything hot, but even a cold sandwich would suffice, along with a serving of her favorite blue Jell-O. She had thought about just going home, but knew that she had a lot of work to catch up on.

When she walked through the doorway of the commissary, she saw the real reason she was glad she had chosen to feed her hunger. There were a few people scattered about the room at various tables, busy eating and making soft conversation. But her eyes were focused only on a small table in one of the dark corners of the room. There sat Jack, his eyes downcast, reading over a document in front of him as he scooped a piece of cake into his mouth.

Sam wanted to immediately walk over to him. But wanting to avoid any suspicious glances from the few people in the commissary at that hour, she walked up to the cooler and pulled out a bowl of Jell-O. Turning around, she made her way over to where Jack was sitting. He still hadn’t noticed her, so she put on the best smile she could as she stopped at the edge of the table and spoke up softly. “Hi, Sir. Mind if I join you?”

Jack looked up, his eyes meeting hers as his heart suddenly skipped a beat. He had been lost in thought, not really reading the report in front of him. Instead, he had been thinking about her, and how much he missed her. But in his mind, he had convinced himself that he needed to put some distance between them, giving her the space she needed to move on without him. He loved her so much, but he refused to inflict any more pain on her than he already had. His heart was protesting, but his mind was attempting to show him that reality of their situation.

Sighing quietly, he sat back and offered the chair opposite him with a gesture of his hand. “Be my guest, Carter.” Looking briefly at his watch, he continued as she sat down. “Working late again?”

Sam nodded, trying to shove off his aloofness by the fact that they weren’t alone. “Yeah. I’ve got quite a few projects that need my attention. I wasn’t able to work on them during the last few days of Teal’c ordeal.” Motioning to his paper, she smiled. “It looks like you’ve found something to occupy your time as well.”

Jack grunted as he pushed the paper away from him. “Yeah, well you know how I just love to spend my time reading over endless reports. I think I maybe took in the first sentence.”

Sam laughed quietly as she took a bite of her Jell-O. “Don’t worry, I won’t quiz you.” Hesitating, she continued with a more serious tone. “Something else on your mind?”

Jack looked up and met her gaze. He knew what she was really trying to ask, but instead, he just gave her a small smile and leaned back. “Just thinking about ol’ Teal’c and how I would have probably kicked Bra’tac’s butt if he’d put me through that kind of torture.”

Sam gave him a small smile, but she knew there was no heart behind it. He was avoiding the real issue, trying to mask it with his sense of humor. But she could be just as stubborn as him, and she wasn’t going to let him avoid the subject so easily. “Sir, are you sure there’s nothing else bothering you?”

Jack could feel irritation at her persistence beginning to eat at the surface. Raising his voice a little more than he intended to, he replied. “No, Carter, there’s not!” Someone at a nearby table looked over at them. Jack, catching the look, cleared his throat and looked back at Sam, who had a shocked and hurt expression on her face. Lowering his voice, he avoided her gaze. “Sorry. I’m just tired. I guess I didn’t get much sleep through Teal’c’s ordeal.”

Sam, trying to shake off Jack’s sudden mood swing, took another hesitant bite of her Jell-O, noticing how it suddenly lacked the sweet taste from just a moment ago. Speaking up, she heard a slight wavering to her voice that she could not control. “Are you staying here for the night?”

Jack looked up at her briefly before returning his eyes to his half eaten cake. “No. I’ve got some errands to run before catching some shuteye. I figure I’ll just get a few quick hours in at home before returning here.”

Sam could feel her heart dropping in her chest. That was obviously Jack’s way of telling her that she wasn’t invited to come along. Not able to stomach the rest of her Jell-O, she gave him a sad smile as she got up. “Well, I won’t keep you. Good night, Sir.” Without waiting any longer, she turned and headed out of the commissary.

Jack watched her go. After she disappeared from his view, he sat back in the shadows and fell into the darkness that surrounded him. He hated to hurt her as he just had, but he couldn’t allow her to cloud the judgment of his mind. He had spent the last few weeks doing everything he could to push her away, and though it was killing him to do it, he knew he had to. It was for the best.

But his heart always pursued him in the opposite direction. Her eyes, her body, her touch, her lips caressing his; his body continued to betray him, desiring her to the point of pain. Frustrated, he stood up, pushing his chair back with a little too much force, causing it to tumble over. Eyes drawn in his direction, he picked up the chair and snatched up his paper. Turning to leave, he stopped and threw his hands at the audience around him. “What! Can’t a guy push over a chair by accident?” Huffing, he walked out and headed for the elevator. Maybe a cold shower would do him some good before he went to sleep. Though he’d told Sam he was going to leave the base for the night, he didn’t have any intentions of doing that. He just hoped that he wouldn’t run into her for the rest of the night. He didn’t want to have to make up an excuse for why he was still there.

Sam found her way blindly through the halls, her vision clouded with soft tears welling up in her eyes. She was determined not to cry. She wasn’t going to let him get to her. He was just trying to push her away because he thought it was best. But Sam was determined to convince him otherwise.

Not knowing what to do, or where to go, she stopped outside of the locker room. A shower suddenly sounded really good, along with a fresh change of clothes. Maybe after that, she’d be ready to get some real work accomplished, and she could think with a clearer head on what her next move would be to get Jack to see what she knew his heart understood.

Opening the door, she had forgotten to knock first to make sure it was actually free for the taking. So she was startled when her eyes met Teal’c’s. He had obviously just showered and changed, looking much better than he had a few hours ago. Smiling, she spoke up. “Teal’c. Sorry, I forgot to see if this was a female or male locker room. Feeling better?”

Teal’c, quietly observing her, noticed that the rims of her eyes were wet with tears. As she quickly wiped at her eyes, he bowed his head slightly and responded. “I am Major Carter, thank you.”

“I’m surprised to see you up and about so soon after what you just went through,” Sam said, happy to have a distraction from Jack.

Teal’c smiled. “My symbiote has helped me to recover quickly. Otherwise, I would still be in the infirmary.” Tilting his head in a different direction, he continued, his voice softer. “Major Carter? Is everything alright?” Teal’c had been observing Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter for weeks and had come to the conclusion that something had happened between them. He was aware of the guilt Colonel O’Neill felt over having to shoot Major Carter, but he knew there was something more than that.

Sam wrung her hands together nervously. “No, everything’s fine. I’m just happy to see that you’ve recovered so quickly. It makes me happy.” Not knowing what else to say, she hesitated before going on. “Well, I guess I’ll let you have the locker room back. I can use it later.” As she was opening the door, Teal’c spoke up.

“Major Carter. I am done with the locker room. You may use it.” As he walked to the door and came to stand next to her, he could sense she needed a friend. Turning towards her, he smiled. “Everything has turned out as it should. Even the darkest moments of life find light.” Then he reached out and took her in his arms, giving her a hug, showing more affection than he usually did. But he could sense that she needed it.

Sam choked back her tears as Teal’c wrapped her in his strength. It was amazing how he seemed to always say just what she needed to hear, yet he knew nothing of her situation with Jack. Whispering, she squeezed him before releasing him. “Thanks, Teal’c. I needed that.” Watching him bow his head once more, she smiled as he opened the door and walked out. Taking in a deep breath, she tried to calm herself. Then she turned and headed for the showers, forgetting to lock the door.

As Teal’c started out from the locker room door, he heard the call of a familiar voice behind him. “Teal’c, buddy, feeling better?” It was Jack, and despite the optimism in his voice, Teal’c could see that he was just as miserable as Sam was.

Teal’c responded with a smile and a nod of his head. “Indeed. And how are you?”

Jack shrugged. “Oh, okay, I guess. Just thought I’d catch a shower before hitting the sack. Is the locker room free?”

Teal’c was about to tell him no, that Major Carter was in there, but then thought the better of it. “Yes, it is free, O’Neill. I just left.”

Jack smiled. “Great. Thanks. I’ll catch you later.” And with that, he opened the locker room door and headed inside, locking the door after it closed.

Teal’c turned around and walked in the direction he had been going, a sly smile forming on his face as he went.

Jack was happy to see that his friend had managed to make such a quick recovery, but as soon as he was alone in the dim lighting of the locker room, his mood became solemn once more, his thoughts returning to Sam. Taking his shirt off, he threw it into his locker with a little too much haste. It bounced off the wall and fell onto the floor. Cursing, he bent over to pick it up when he heard the shower come on. Startled, he stood up quickly and looked around. Could someone have come in after Teal’c? Or maybe Teal’c had forgotten? He had just been through a traumatic experience.

Deciding to find out who it was, he called out. “Hello?” When no response came, he moved forward, shirt still in hand. Near the curtain of the shower, he called out again. “Hello? Whose in there?”

Sam, immersing her head under the hot pellets of water coming out of the showerhead, barely heard a voice call out ‘whose in there?’. Startled, she realized that she hadn’t locked the locker room door. Rubbing the water off her face and slicking her hair back, she opened the curtain enough to pop her head out, shower curtain in hand.

But her voice caught in her throat as soon as her eyes met his. There he stood, his brown eyes taking her in. Jack was shirtless, carrying his shirt in his left hand, but only for a moment. As he dropped it, rather from surprise or something else, she could see the tension rippling through his body, his face a battlefield of emotions. Her mind was a flurry of thoughts, but her heart beat the loudest, overwhelming her as her body responded to the site of him. Letting the reality of their surroundings melt away, she slowly opened the curtain and stood there, watching as she delivered the final, cutting blow to the battle moving across his face.

Jack couldn’t breathe. As she opened the curtain and stood there, his eyes took in every inch of her wet body. Her curves glistened in the light, making them more provocative then ever. As his eyes finally made it up to hers again, he thought he was going to collapse from the heat of the fire inside of him.

Not able to contain his desires any further, he surged forward into the shower, capturing her in his arms as his lips captured hers in a force he’d never experienced. Not saying a word, he threw the curtain closed with one hand as he gripped her with the other. As she wrapped her arms around his bare back, he ran his hands over her head, pulling slightly on the ends of her hair, forcing her neck back as he ran his mouth over it hungrily. Soft moans escaped from her throat, and he pushed her back against the shower wall, his hands moving slowly down her body as he kissed her hard once again.

Sam was dizzy with desire. She was sure she was going to collapse at any moment. But as he kissed her, his strength holding her against the shower wall, she kissed him back with an equally hard force, her tongue exploring every inch of his mouth as she went. As his hands moved down her body, she tugged roughly on his pants, hastily unbuckling his belt and undoing his buttons. As she pushed them down, Jack broke from her momentarily, ripping them off his body as fast as he could and flinging them out of the way. Finally stripped down to nothing, he allowed the water to run over the rest of his skin as he found her mouth again, pursuing her like a lion that had pounced on its prey and then temporarily lost it.

Sam ran her hands over his body, loving the feel of every inch. As she reached the most desiring part, she found that he was more than ready. Breathless, she handled him, causing him to groan. Placing her hands on each side of his face, she forced him to look at her. “Please! God please, Jack!” Her voice was harsh and shuttered as she spoke, her eyes pleading the same desires as his.

Jack simply nodded and wrapped her in his arms, one hand behind her head as he kissed her, moving her into a sitting position at the same time. Without a tub, the shower floor gave them more than enough room. As he continued to hold her as closely as he could, he felt her wrap her long legs around him.

With the water spraying all around them, the hot droplets pouring off their bodies as steam surrounded them, Jack entered her with a forceful desire. They both cried out softly as the world of ultimate intimacy overtook them. Their minds went numb as they molded to each other, moving higher and higher in their need, their bodies mimicking the quickening rhythm of their hearts. They wrapped their arms around each other tighter as they felt the upcoming climax of their actions. When it came, they held on to each other for dear life, crying out softly and shuttering in each other’s arms.

As their bodies slowly relaxed, Jack stood up and then helped Sam to her feet, his arms instantly wrapping around her as they held each other in silence under the water. There was so much to be said, so many emotions to work through. As he pulled back to look at her, he could see tears in her eyes as she smiled at him. His thumbs caressed her cheeks as he lost himself in her eyes, returning her smile. “I love you.” His voice was soft yet strong, and Sam knew he meant it.

Blinking and letting her tears fall, she responded. “And I love you too, Jack, so much.” Reaching out, she kissed him, and they moved slowly under the water, dancing to the rhythm of the soft, gentle kisses.

Forty-five minutes later, they had both managed to get dressed, slip out of the locker room unnoticed, climb into Jack’s truck, and were headed to Sam’s house. About five minutes from it, Jack pulled off the road and into a small parking lot that overlooked a lake. After he parked the truck, he looked over at her and smiled. “Feel like some fresh air? I love this spot when the moon is out.”

Sam smiled and silently nodded, her eyes reflecting the peace inside her heart. Jack got out and went around and opened her door, offering her a hand to help her down. As Sam’s feet met the ground, the snow crunched underfoot. Closing the door, Jack took her hand and led her down a small path to the lake, coming to stand next to a bench.

The full moon hung overhead, it’s white light casting a surreal glow all around them. It reflected on the snow-covered ground, making it sparkle in the light as it covered the bushes and trees. Shadows stood out all around them and the lake seemed to glow. It was a solid sheet of ice, covered partially by the snow that had just fallen a few hours ago. Their breath puffed out in clouds around them as they took in their surroundings, and the silence of the night made it seem almost dreamlike. And in the distance, colored lights twinkled brightly, reminding them that it was a now just a week before Christmas.

Sam looked over at Jack and linked her arm through his, placing her head on his shoulder. “This is beautiful. I’m never going to forget this moment.”

Jack reached his free arm across and linked with her other hand as he kissed the top of her head. “I like to come here sometimes and just watch the kids skate. I use to take Charlie here. He loved it.” At the mention of Charlie’s name, they both looked up to the sky and found his star, it’s light twinkling brightly down on them.

Sam smiled. “I’m sure he did. It’s too bad we don’t have skates, although I’ve really never been that good at it.”

Jack laughed lightly and looked over at her. “Are you kidding me? You mean there’s actually something you’re bad at?”

Sam playfully smacked him on the arm. “I didn’t say I was bad at it…I just said I wasn’t very good at it.”

Jack just shook his head at her pride. “Well, who says you need skates. Come on.” Jack tugged on her hand, pulling her towards the lake.

Sam laughed. “Jack, what are you doing?!”

Jack looked back and gave her a big grin. “I told you…we’re going to skate.” Stepping carefully onto the ice, he pulled on her hand. “Come on. Don’t you trust me?”

Sam smiled at him. “You know I do.” Taking a breath, she gingerly stepped onto the ice. “I’ll admit that this is a new one for me. So how do you skate with shoes?”

Jack smiled back at her. “Well, you can’t really skate, but I can do something like this…” Jack took her hand and spun her under his arm in a dance twirl. Sam laughed as she reached out to him to catch her balance.

They continued to goof around on the surface, occasionally falling into each other. As they moved out towards the middle of the lake, they talked softly, laughing and enjoying the freedom of the moment together.

Jack then wrapped an arm across her and taking her hand, spun her out away from him. Sam spun and then promptly fell on her butt with a soft thud, continuing to slide as she laughed. As Jack watched her glowing in the moonlight, smiling with her, he heard a sound that made his breath stop. It was a loud crack, like the sound of a tree limb snapping.

Making a quick survey of their surrounding, his eyes penetrating the darkness, he couldn’t see anyone until he heard the crack again and suddenly realized with a sickening fear what it really was. Looking down at his feet, he saw a slim crack in the ice. He could have sworn the news had said this lake was open to skating. As Sam attempted to get up, another, louder crack sounded, echoing off their surroundings. Jack shouted out to her. “Sam! Don’t move!” He couldn’t tell where the ice was breaking; he only knew that it was. Looking around as best he could, he didn’t have to wait long to find out where it was.

A long crack suddenly split even deeper and the ice broke beneath Sam. Screaming suddenly, she plunged into the icy water as Jack looked on in horror. The hole, only a few feet wide around her, had consumed her. “Sam!” Jack moved carefully and quickly to reach the strongest edge of the hole as Sam broke the surface, sputtering and coughing, attempting to grab anything she could. Jack was almost to her. Moving onto his belly, he pushed himself towards her, her eyes full of fear as she looked to him for salvation. Jack yelled in desperation as he could see her tiring. “Hang on! I’m almost there!”

Sam could see Jack getting closer, her joints colder than she’d ever felt them. He was almost there. She kept telling herself that, but when Jack was only inches from her flaying hands, her knees locked up and her head submerged beneath the surface. Darkness and cold consumed her, and she fought with all her strength to pull back to the surface. Attempting to move her arms, she managed to drag her coat off her, giving her less weight to deal with. She could feel her body giving out and giving into the hypothermia. Her brain was shutting down, but something inside of her wouldn’t let it. Using the last bit of power she had, she pushed her arms hard enough to meet Jack’s hand, now underwater, desperately searching.

Jack felt her arm and latched onto it for dear life, pulling with all the adrenaline pumping through his body. As she broke the surface again, he could see the affects the icy water was having on her. She took in precious breaths of air as he pulled her out. Not wasting any time, he pulled her along the ice, knowing it would be easier than trying to carry her on the slick surface. Plus, he didn’t know if there were any other weak points in the ice. If they fell in, Jack might survive, but she wouldn’t.

Reaching the edge of the lake, Jack scooped Sam into his arms and moved as fast as he could for his truck. She was conscious but shaking badly, her lips a light tint of blue in the moonlight. Opening the passenger door, he carefully lifted her in and then shut the door, moving around to the driver’s side. Once seated inside the truck, Jack turned it on and put on the heater full blast. Pulling her to him, he threw the truck in reverse and slammed on the accelerator. He decided that her house was going to be much closer than the base or the hospital. He could call Janet from there if he needed to. “Hold on, Sam. Just hold on!”

Pulling into her driveway a few minutes later, Jack got out her house key and then pulled her with him out of the truck. She was shaking uncontrollably, and her teeth were chattering to the point of not being able to speak. Unlocking the door, he quickly opened it, slamming it behind him as he dropped his keys and ran for the bathroom. Flipping on the light, he turned on the shower immediately, allowing the hot water to heat up as he started pulling clothes off her. Not wanting to make her skin burn too much, he adjusted the temperature to lukewarm and stepped into the shower with her in his arms. Plugging up the tub to let it accumulate, he set her down long enough to get his now wet coat and clothes off.

Gradually, he turned up the water temperature, rubbing her skin with his hands and with one of the washcloths hanging on the rack. As Jack worked, Sam’s teeth chattering had begun to lessen, and she was finally able to speak in broken words. “I think….I liked our…last shower b-e-t-t-t-e-r-r-r.”.

Jack continued to work as he looked at her. “Shhh…isn’t sarcasm suppose to be my area?” Giving her a quick look, he worked on for the next twenty minutes, draining the water twice and replacing it with hotter water. Finally convinced she was warm enough to dress, he stepped out and dried himself off quickly, wrapping the towel around his waist as he reached for a dry one and helped her from the tub. Drying her off, he reached for her terry cotton bathrobe and got her dressed in it.

Without a word, he picked her up and took her into her bedroom, moving the comforter aside and tucking her into it. Taking a breath, he looked down at her. “Now, stay here and I’ll go make you something hot to drink and eat. I’m assuming you have some soup?”

Sam nodded and gave him a smile. “Yeah, thanks. It’s up in the cabinet next to the stove.”

Jack frowned. “Don’t thank me. Because of me, you’re sitting there freezing to death. I…I’ll be back.” Turning around, he opened the top drawer of her dresser and grabbed out a pair of his sweatpants and a sweatshirt. He had slowly accumulated a collection of his clothes at her house, as she had at his, for very reasons like this one. Then he quickly exited the room, leaving Sam by herself, unable to see her smile fade into a frown.

Ten minutes later, Jack returned with a tray of hot tea, soup, and a few pieces of bread. Setting it carefully down beside her, he gave her a sad smile. “How are you feeling?” His voice lacked any real tone, and that concerned Sam greatly.

Sam tried to smile. “Much better…much warmer, thanks.” When Jack just looked down at his hands, his brows drawn together, Sam sighed and sat up. “Jack, this wasn’t your fault…”

Jack’s head shot up, a look of frustration in his eyes. “Don’t! Don’t say that, damn it! Stop making excuses for me! I caused this, just like I caused you to lose our child! I…I almost killed you, again.” His voice faltered. “God, Sam! We can’t do this anymore. Don’t you understand? I’ll only cause you pain.”

Sam threw the covers off her and stood up, faltering for a moment because she was still weak. Moving forward, she started to reach out for him, but only dropped her hand when he moved away. Tears forming in her eyes, she surged forward and gripped his face with her hands, forcing him to look at her. “No, Jack,” she said, her voice soft but strong, “you’ll only cause me pain if you leave me. I love you! That should be enough to get us through this, through anything that comes our way.”

Jack brought his hands up to hers and squeezed gently before removing them. He walked over to the window in her room and looked out. “Sam, I love you, more than I even know. But I can’t keep being the cause of your pain.” Shoving his hands through his hair, he turned around and looked at her. “Look, I know that thing…entity, whatever it was called, supposedly was responsible for killing our child, but ultimately, I did it. Not only did I almost kill you, but more importantly, I was the one who allowed you to communicate with it in the first place.”

Sam moved toward him, wiping at her eyes. “No, you’re wrong. General Hammond was the one who allowed me to do that. But that doesn’t matter. I am my own person, and I was the one who wanted to communicate with it. If the blame lies anywhere, it’s with me.”

Jack just shook his head. “Yeah, well I don’t believe that and I never will. And tonight, out there on the ice, I asked you if you trusted me, and you said you did. And look what happened.”

Sam moved back to the bed, needing to sit down. “I do trust you, with my very life. You couldn’t have predicted that the ice wasn’t thick enough. Bad things happen, Jack. It’s apart of life. Rather you’re in my life or not, I’m going to experience risks everyday.”

Jack just grunted. “Yeah, well at least you wouldn’t have to worry about me being the cause of them.”

Silence fell between them for a moment, reflections on what had just been said moving around them. Sam suddenly gave a sad smile and then stood up, looking directly at Jack. “You know,” she said softly, her memory looking back, “Bra’tac just told me a few days ago that ‘Life for the sake of life means nothing’. I don’t want my life to mean nothing. And without you in it, it will. You are my life. Why can’t you see that?”

Jack looked at her. He wanted to go to her, to pull her into his arms and never let go. But the wall he’d been building had gotten so high he didn’t even know if he could scale it. He thought back on all they’d been through, all the good times and the bad, all the laughter, tears, smiles, and the purest moments of joy he’d ever felt in his life. And it all added up to one thing: he loved her more than anything or anyone else. And because of that love, he knew he had to let her go. It wasn’t fair to continue to expose her the unnecessary dangers that he was always prone to.

Sighing quietly, he took all his strength and walked up to her and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Looking into her eyes, he could feel his own tears welling up. “I love you. I always will. But you deserve more than I can give you.”

Releasing her, he quickly turned and walked out of the room, her voice following him. Scooping up his keys from the floor where he’d dropped them, he opened the front door and walked out.

Sam, her strength now purely running on adrenaline and fear, ran after him. Flinging the front door open, she called out to him as she half ran, half fell down the front steps. “Jack! Don’t go, please!” But her cries were muffled by the sound of his truck starting up. He pulled out of the driveway, his tires squealing slightly as he then drove away into the night.

Sam could feel the snow starting to fall all around her as she stood there in the cold, disbelief running through her mind and heart. As tears steamed down her face, she could feel the cold begin to consume her. She dropped to her knees, not caring as the icy cold of the snow soaked through her robe. Through glistening tears, she looked up at the sky, now filled with snow clouds. The moon could not get through the clouds to send its light spiraling down to Earth. There was only darkness. Crying now, she was about to look away when suddenly the clouds broke in a single place, and there before her was Charlie’s star. It seemed brighter than ever, its light almost blinding her. And then her mind was filled with what Teal’c had said to her earlier that night: “Even the darkest moments of life find light.”

Strength suddenly filled her soul, and she found the ability to lift herself off the ground, her mind and heart clearing at the same time. Looking from the star to the dark and empty road that Jack had just left on, she took a deep breath of cold, crisp air. Whispering into the night, she had a small smile and a look of determination on her face. “I’m not letting you go, Jack O’Neill. Do you hear me? We belong together, and no matter what it takes, or how far I have to go, you will believe that.”

As she turned to go back inside, she looked back up to the sky and not only saw Charlie’s star, but the first ray of moonlight as it found its way through the clouds. There was still hope, and Sam was determined to cling to that for however long it would take to get him back.

Next Story---> "The Waking Truth"

Your thoughts would be great!

Back to Fanfiction Index