Touching Destiny

Title: Touching Destiny

Author: Suz W.

Feedback: I'd love it!

Spoilers: After Fair Game and Point Of View (episode tag)

Rating: PG-13

Category: S/J Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Romance

Summary: Jack and Sam are presented with emotions that they are forced to deal with.

Disclaimer: All publicity recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.

Copyright: The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Copyrighted on December 12, 2003, by Suzanne R. Whitmarsh.

Author’s Notes: This story follows “Resolutions”.

Dedication: This story is dedicated to Lynn. She has waited very patiently for this moment in my series. This is for you, Lynn! Thanks for your continued support and wonderful friendship! And I would like to once again thank each of you for reading my stories. Your support is the foundation I build my writing on. I hope you continue to enjoy them! There are many more to come!

Jack looked on with a surprising sadness in his heart. The mirror he was staring at was now just a mirror, reflecting his own image. Moments ago, it had been a doorway to an alternative reality, one that now left him feeling like an emotional train wreck. He felt her eyes on him, searching his face for the emotions he was trying to understand himself. Glancing over to his right, his eyes met Sam’s.

They were in one of the storage rooms on the base. He, Teal’c and Daniel had just come back from saving a different version of their life from certain destruction by the Goa’uld of that reality. Right before he had been transported back to his reality, she had kissed him. Sam had kissed him. But not the Sam that was now looking at him with as many emotions in her eyes as he felt in his soul. It was the alternate version of her, one who had watched her husband die only days ago. It had been him. He had been her husband in that reality. In the few days that she had spent in this reality with them after seeking out their help had been enough to turn his world upside down. He could still picture the wedding photo that had sat haphazardly against the lamp in her temporary quarters. The shock of seeing that had left him speechless, and his heart in turmoil.

The alternate Sam had been so similar, yet so different. The soldier wasn’t there, and in its place had been a woman who was deeply in love, with him. Her eyes had the same luster, yet they were softer, freely expressing the emotions she held for the alternate version of who he was, or rather had been. She was devastated by his loss, seeking out comfort in the very arms she longed for, yet weren’t really the ones she wanted.

Trying to keep the two versions of Sam separate in his mind had been the biggest challenge. He knew both of them, but he wasn’t prepared for the emotions that the alternate Sam brought to him so openly. Never good in this department, he wasn’t sure what to do now with the feelings she had stirred in his heart.

Lost in thought, her voice broke his concentration. “Colonel? Are you okay?”

Blinking, he focused his eyes back on her face, giving her a sad smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. You know me. I just get really confused at the theory behind all that scientific mumbo jumbo. I guess I’m still trying to understand how I just did that….jump through a mirror into a different reality.”

Sam gave him a small smile. “Well, it has to do with the physics of the mirror itself. Acting like a complex time portal, it’s able to transport matter by using….”

Jack began rubbing his temples. “Carter! Enough please. It’s been a really long day, and I need a shower.” Seeing the look of shock on her face at his sudden change in tone made him feel guilty. He couldn’t take much more of this emotional roller coaster that he was riding. He didn’t mean to hurt her. He never wanted to do that. But if he didn’t distance himself right now, he was sure he was going to do just that. Softening his voice, he continued quickly, avoiding her eyes. “I’ll catch up with you later.” And with that, he turned and walked out of the room, heading for the locker room and away from her. He didn’t mean to get cross with her. It’s just that he needed some space. What had just happened was too confusing. He wasn’t sure how to deal with the emotions in his head and heart. He was hoping a hot shower would revive his senses and make him feel a little more like himself.

Jack entered the locker room and closed the door, hoping to get across the idea that he wanted to be left alone. He took off his gear and tossed it onto the floor beside him. Sitting down with a thud, he put his head in his hands. Rubbing his face hard, he ran his fingers through his hair as he sat up and leaned back against the concrete wall.

‘This is all my fault,’ he thought to himself, wincing at his own guilt. ‘I’ve allowed myself to feel things for Sam that I shouldn’t, and now….’

Jack couldn’t finish his own thoughts. But in his heart, he knew what he couldn’t say, even in his own head. Now that he knew in an alternative reality that he and Sam were, or rather had been married before his untimely demise, how was he suppose to keep his feelings for the real Sam to a manageable level? In the last few days, as he spent time with the alternate Sam, he had actually caught himself on several occasions allowing his imagination to get the better of him. What would it be like to be married to her? To hold her, kiss her, to be with her? Pretending was easy. Forgetting was going to be very hard, if not impossible.

Shaking his head in frustration, he bent over and picked up his vest. As he did, a folded piece of paper fell out of one of the side pockets. Curious, he discarded his vest onto the bench and picked up the paper. He didn’t remember putting anything like that in his gear. Carefully unfolding it, he found that it was a letter, scribbled in obvious haste due to the quick penmanship. He looked to the end of the note to find out who had written it. His eyes fell upon the signature of his old friend: Kowalski. See his friend alive again had been another shock to his emotional system. He wasn’t sure if he could actually read something from someone who was supposedly dead. As he was about to crumple it up, his interest got the better of him, and he found himself leaning back once again against the hard wall as his eyes ran over the first few words:

Jack-

Hey buddy! I know I probably shouldn’t be writing something like this. The Carters would probably have my head. I’m sure it violates some law of physics that they swear by. Well, I won’t tell if you don’t.

It’s weird, you know? Here I am, writing a letter to my best friend when I just watched you die a few days ago. It was sure good to see you again, even if you weren’t really the same Jack. But then I guess it’s an even trade. I mean, I’m not alive in your reality. Anyway, I wanted to write this to you because even if you aren’t the same Jack, you’re still my best friend. And I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t tell you that you need to work on your acting skills. I know you, and you’re always trying to do the right thing, to live by the rules. But Jack, you’ve gotta stop fooling yourself. You’ve got it bad for Carter (that is, your version of her). I’m not blind, buddy, and if you’re not careful, no one else will be either. Military or not, she’s still a woman, and one you obviously care deeply for. The discrete looks, the body language. It’s all there. And it was being returned, rather you saw it or not. The question is, what are you going to do about it?

You know I’m not one for the whole romantic scene, but it seems to me that you two are destined for each other. I know, I know, she’s a major and you’re her commanding officer. Hey, I’m not trying to say there isn’t a reason for the rule, but as with every rule, there is always an exception. You two are the exception. I know you didn’t want to hear about it when we were fixing that generator thing, but I hope you’ll listen now. I’ve seen you two together in my reality, and all I can say is I’ve never seen two people more meant to be together then you and Sam. As much as you try to deny it, you can’t fight fate.

How about you look at it like this: you use to gaze up at the night sky on your roof every evening, dreaming about touching the stars. Now look what you’re doing! You’re traveling from Earth to a dozen different galaxies. You took a chance, and look where it got you. Carter…Sam, she’s that distance star you’re always gazing at. Take a chance, man! All you have to do is reach out. She’s right there. Touch that star you’ve been dreaming about! How about this: if you don’t, I’ll have my Carter find someway of getting in touch with my spirit in your reality, and I’ll have him haunt you for the rest of you’re life (in chains)!

Miss you buddy! Even though you’re a pain in the ass, you’re still the best friend a guy could have.

Kowalski

Jack found himself smiling at the last few lines. His friend always knew how to make him smile. His mind fell back on the main focus of the letter. Sam. He did care about her. That he couldn’t deny. But to what extent were those feelings? He knew that they continued to grow each day, and grow enough to really scare him. She haunted his dreams, day and night, and touched a place in his heart he thought he’d long forgotten about.

“Damn it, Kowalski!” Jack muttered under his breath. “What am I suppose to do? What kind of chance am I suppose to take? She wasn’t military in you’re reality!” He knew his best friend had meant well, but this wasn’t helping him.

He opened his locker and put the letter in the pocket of his leather coat. Slamming the door in frustration, he headed for the shower, hoping to drown his thoughts away.

Sam was sitting in her lab, pretending to be reading the latest information on Nano technology. It was useless. Her thoughts weren’t focused on anything close to that subject. The last few days had been too weird. At first, seeing her “twin” really gave her déjà vu. But the more time she spent with her, the more she became adjusted to her. It was kind of nice having someone around you completely understood. Well, at least she thought she did.

Her system was still trying to absorb the shock of finding out that she and Jack were married in another reality. When Kowalski blurted it out during one of the briefings, she didn’t know what to think. Jack’s eyes had met hers briefly when the statement was made, but just as quickly looked away, his tone becoming very somber. And ever since then, Jack had been very distant to her. She couldn’t blame him. Even she didn’t know how to resolve this problem, and solving problems was her area of expertise.

Her mind drifted again, this time settling on the memory of seeing Jack kiss her “twin”. Right before he’d come back through the mirror to their reality, the two of them had connected on a level she had only dreamed about. Feelings of jealousy, pity, and need had overwhelmed her at that moment as she was forced to watch them kiss. All she had wanted to do was run away, close out the moment in her mind, but her feet stayed firmed planted in the spot she had been standing. It was as if she were watching her dreams being played out, and it was her, but it wasn’t. And seeing him kiss someone else really made her feel as if the tip of a very sharp knife had pierced her heart.

‘What is wrong with me?!’ Sam thought, scolding herself. ‘It’s not like there’s anything going on between Jack and I. Is there?’ Sam knew she was fooling herself. She had fallen for Jack months ago, and now it was just a daily torture that kept getting worse. The moments they got to spend together were so precious to her, and he seemed to enjoy them as much as she did. Visualizing the New Year’s Eve night they’d had only a few weeks ago caused a small smile to form on her lips. He had listened to her problems, had held her, and even surprised her with a chilling kiss on her cheek. Holding hands and watching the fireworks together had been so perfect. She had been afraid to blink, fearing that it would all disappear and she would instead be in her lab or on her couch at home, alone. But it hadn’t been a dream, and they even had shared a dance together that night.

The last few weeks had been so busy with mission assignments and her surprise promotion, that she and Jack hadn’t gotten any time together outside of the base. She was beginning to really feel like a part of her life was missing. But now with this latest dilemma, she wasn’t sure that Jack would ever be comfortable around her again. He had been so cold to her when he came back through the mirror, distant and closed off.

Clenching her fists, she tried to shake off her thoughts and return to work. But when Jack’s image formed in her mind over the first sentence that she tried reading again, she sighed heavily. Closing her journal, she stood up and gathered her coat. Sam saw no point in hanging around when nothing was going to get accomplished. Looking at her watch, she discovered it was already 1700 hours. Making a mental note to take a cold shower when she got home, she closed the door to her lab, turning the lights out as she went and headed for the surface.

The early evening air was frigid, chilling Sam all the way down to her bones as she walked to her car. Winter had definitely taken its hold on the mountain and the surrounding communities. Ice crystals hung precariously off her front bumper, catching the light from the base and reflecting it to the ground in a white, sparkling array. It was a moonless night, and snow clouds hung above her in the sky, waiting to dump a new amount of fresh powder on the mountain, which would give the skiers something to cheer about when the sun made its ascent over the mountain in the morning.

Climbing into her car, she gave it a moment to warm up before putting her car in gear. Looking back at the base entrance before driving away, she sighed heavily. She had hoped that Jack would have stopped by her lab, but he hadn’t, giving her the indication that he really wanted “alone time”. But for how long? She desperately wanted to just shut her car off and run back into the base, find him, and demand that they resolve the obvious tension between them. They had really formed a close bond in the past few months, and she didn’t want anything to jeopardize that. Their friendship was too important to her. But she also knew better. Jack had to want to talk to her. Forcing the issue would only make things worse. Taking one last quick look at the parking lot, she saw that his truck was still there. Driving away, she found herself hoping that he would want to talk about the past few days soon. Until then, she feared that she wouldn’t be getting much sleep.

A few hours later, Jack found himself sitting in his truck, staring at Sam’s front door. After his shower, he had calmed down enough to decide that he needed to at least apologize to Sam for his earlier behavior. He felt really bad about being so cold to her. And he hated the idea of her feeling like she’d done something wrong. So, expecting to find her in the lab, he was really surprised when he found the lab door closed and the lights off. It was so unlike her. Usually, she was one of the last ones to go home, always seeming to get caught up in a project he couldn’t even say correctly. The fact that she had left the base so early really had him worried.

Knowing he probably should have called first, he looked at his watch again. It was nearly 2100 hours, and his stomach growled impatiently at the smell of the sausage and pepperoni pizza on the seat next to him. He had ordered it over the phone for pick up right as he was finishing the last of the paperwork from their latest mission. He really had intended to go straight home, open up a six-pack and drown his guilt in pizza, beer, and whatever enticing thing he could find on T.V. But after he paid for the pizza and was about to turn in the direction of his house, he found himself instead driving to her house.

Her lights were on, flooding the snow in her front yard in a soft yellow light. Starting to feel the cold permeating the interior of his truck that he had shut off about five minutes ago, he opened his door and climbed out, grabbing the pizza as he went. The air slapped his face in a bitter cold, and he hunched over as he started up towards her front door, the next round of snow blowing in swirls around him as the wind whipped up in strong gusts. It was definitely a night to stay inside.

With one hand, he knocked on her front door and waited. After a few very cold moments, he finally heard her footsteps approaching from inside the house. The door opened, spilling light out all around him. He looked up from his hunched over position and gave her a quick smile. “Hey, Sam.”

“Jack! Come in before you catch your death of cold!” Sam had been sitting on her couch, flipping endlessly through the channels on her T.V., trying to find something to distract her thoughts. Having changed into a very comfortable pair of gray sweatpants and sweatshirt, she was very surprised to hear the knock on her door, especially in the weather they were having. Half pulling him inside, she smiled quietly to herself. He looked like a frozen Popsicle. His face had an overall glow of pink to it, with his nose standing out in a deeper shade of red.

She watched him as he put the pizza down and started to take off his stocking cap. Arching a brow at him, she playfully scolded him. “Might I ask what you are doing out in this weather?! It’s only supposed to get worse. Are you trying to kill yourself?”

Touched by her concern, he gave her a charming smile as the heat from her house started penetrating his body, warming it up. “Jack’s Pizza Delivery Service! Didn’t you order a pizza, Mame`?”

Smiling at him, she answered, feeling more like herself. “No, I didn’t, but since you walked all the way up to my door with it, I guess I can take it off your hands. Would you like some?”

Jack gave her a grin. “Why, that’s very nice of you! I won’t even charge you for it.”

“That’s really generous of you! You must be doing really well in business to be able to give away a pizza like that.” Sam was enjoying the more normal conversation between them. It made it feel like the problems from the past few days were but distant memories.

Jack smiled back at her, relieved to see that she was playing into his sarcasm. It meant that there hopefully wasn’t any permanent damage. “Well, I only do it for special costumers, and you’re on that list.” As he finished his sentence, he looked into her eyes for a moment before taking off his coat. Laying it on the back of the kitchen chair, he sighed quietly, his tone turning a little more serious. “In truth, Sam, I was planning on just going home, but I felt bad about how crabby I was with you early, and just wanted to apologize. I went past your lab, but you weren’t there. I thought you had projects up the wazu. They must be all pretty boring to send you home early.”

Sam looked at him with a small smile on her lips before walking into the kitchen to retrieve some plates for the pizza. She hadn’t eaten when she got home because she just wasn’t hungry. But as the smell from the pizza filled up her kitchen, she realized just how hungry she was. Walking back, she answered him. “I do have a lot to do, as usual. I just couldn’t seem to concentrate, so I decided to go home early.”

Jack felt a twinge of guilt return. “Yeah, well, I probably have a lot to do with that. I’m really sorry I’ve been so distracted recently. It’s just this whole situation with the alternate reality thing really threw me for a loop.” His eyes looked up from the table to her face, and he could see that she was remembering the same thing he was.

Trying to break the silence, Sam shrugged. “It’s okay. We were all experiencing déjà vu. It was so weird to watch myself sitting across the briefing room table.”

Jack ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, tell me about it. Having two Carters around was enough to make my head want to explode. And then of course there was the whole thing about us being married….” Jack stopped himself abruptly, wishing that he hadn’t just brought that up. Looking for anything to break the tension of the moment, his stomach let out another complaint. Grateful for the excuse, he picked up one of the plates she had put on the table, and opened the pizza box. Clearing his throat, he looked up at her. “Pizza?”

Sam felt the tension in her shoulders and could see he was experiencing the same thing. Playing into his idea of changing the subject, she nodded quietly. “I’ll grab us something to drink.” Walking to the refrigerator, she knew they needed to talk about this, but she didn’t know how. How do you talk to your friend and not to mention, commanding officer, about a subject that was technically off limits to them as far as the realm of possibilities went?

Grabbing two beers, she rejoined him. They headed to the living room, both quietly deciding that anything on T.V. would help move them past this subject. They both sat on the couch as Jack picked up the remote and began searching for something to watch. Twenty minutes later, they had managed to keep a light conversation about the weather and the quality of commercials. Jack went into the kitchen and grabbed two more beers, handing Sam hers as he took his place back on the couch.

Unnerved by the unfamiliar territory between them, Sam couldn’t take it anymore. Turning her body towards Jack, she spoke up quietly. “Jack, we really need to talk about what happened the last few days. It just seems to be hanging between us and I think we should take care of it. No, I know we need to.” Watching him, she waited for his response.

Taking a big swig of his beer, he looked over at her, his eyes searching hers for a moment. Looking away, he cleared his throat. “I really don’t know what to say. We were married in another reality. Hell, Daniel told us that in the reality he’d traveled to, we were engaged. We should have expected it.”

Sam could see he didn’t know what to do. “I agree. But it still took us both by surprise.”

Jack looked over at her. “Yeah, well, just because it’s that way in one reality doesn’t mean that it’s suppose to be that way here. Not that it would be a bad thing, it just that…oh Hell, I don’t know.” He got off the couch and walked over to the mantel that displayed pictures of her and her family growing up. Fingering the edge, he waited for her response.

Sam watched him. She hated this. Why did this have to be so complicated? “Well, as I’ve said, it is theoretically possible. I just think that since we’ve been able to develop the friendship we have, that we should be able to talk this through.”

Jack could feel the tension biting at his shoulders again. Staring at a picture of her and Jacob when she was about eight, he answered quietly. “We are.”

Sam could feel herself becoming frustrated. “Are we?” She got up, crossing her arms over her chest. “Because the way I see it, all we’re doing is running in circles, without getting to the real point.”

Jack turned around, echoing her frustration in his tone. “And what is that point, Sam? Is it the fact that I enjoy spending time with you, or the fact that when your alternate….twin…kissed me, I actually found myself wishing it was really you!” The last sentence came out without him being able to stop it. The look of shock on Sam’s face told him that he’s probably said too much.

Sam, dazed, just looked at him. “What? Really?”

Too late to turn back, Jack surged ahead, the tone of his voice coming off as slightly defensive. “Oh, come on, Sam! You’re one of the smartest people I know. Don’t stand there and tell me that you haven’t figured out that I’ve fallen for you! All the time we’ve spent together, all the looks…” Jack’s voice trailed off, not knowing what to do next.

Sam sat down on the couch as if the shock was too much. Finding her voice, she looked up at him and answered him, her keeping her tone soft. “Well, no actually, I didn’t really know. I guess I can say that I hoped…since I feel the same way about you.” She looked down at her hands, feeling like a schoolgirl who had just admitted to her crush that she loved him. But did she love Jack? She didn’t know. This was all so new.

Jack was stunned. He had thought he’d been too obvious in his feelings for her. But he’d never expected them to be returned. He knew they’d had a wonderful night on New Year’s Eve, but he chalked it all up to his feelings for her, as if all her responses to him that night were due to him wearing “rose-colored glasses”. He’d only secretly hoped in his dreams that she would return his feelings. Why him?

He walked over slowly to where she was on the couch and sat down next to her. His heart suddenly beating faster, he took her chin lightly in his hand and turned her head to face him. Searching her eyes, he responded in a softer tone. “Well, what are we going to do about it?”

Sam’s eyes searched his, as if she were looking for the answers in them. His touch electrified her heart, making it beat wildly. She watched as his face got closer to hers, and felt her body leaning towards his. Overwhelmed by the emotions in her heart, she closed her eyes. Reaching out as a guide, her fingertips found the warmth in his cheeks. The tips of their noses brushed lightly against the other. Pulling back slightly at the startling touch, they both opened their eyes and looked at each other, their faces only inches apart. As if to reassure her, Jack smiled slightly, and tugged on her chin with the lightest pressure. Giving in, she closed her eyes again and waited. In the next moment, she felt the first brush of his lips against hers. The sensation took her breath away and sent a chill through her whole body. Wanting more, she searched out his mouth with hers, and finding it, pressed her lips against his. The warmth of them surged through her, and she found herself wondering if this was real, as his mouth began searching hers with more intensity. As his hand went from her chin to around her neck, reality struck her at what they were doing. Taking all her strength, she pulled back, capturing the surprise on his face at her action.

Trying to find her voice, she whispered instead. “Jack, are you sure we should be doing this? I mean, you’re my….”

Jack sighed heavily, removing his hand from her neck and leaning back. Giving her one last look, he stood up. “You’re right,” Jack said, not caring if the disappointment showed in his voice or not. “I’m sorry, Major, I guess I let my emotions get the better of me.” Not really knowing what to do, he walked over to the kitchen in long strides and grabbed his coat, throwing it on and heading for the door.

Not wanting him to leave like this, she got up and hurried towards him. “Jack, I wasn’t trying to hurt you. It’s just that I don’t know…”

Reaching for the door handle, he looked at her. “It’s okay, Sam, like I said, you’re right. There are regulations.” Thrusting the door open, he stepped out into the cold snowy night and started down the front steps.

Sam ran out onto her porch, not caring as the cold bit at her face. “Jack! I don’t want you to go!”

Jack stopped and turned around. He was about halfway to his truck, and looking back at her, he couldn’t help but think how beautiful she was, even in her sweats, as the snow fell around her and the light gave her hair a sparkle from the ice crystals that had fallen in it. He watched as she walked down her front stairs slowly and stood shivering in the snow, her eyes pleading with his.

Hesitating for a moment, the world seemed to stop, and all that was left was the woman standing a short distance from him. His heart suddenly urging him forward, he muttered to himself. “Oh, for cryin’ out loud!” Throwing his keys down to the ground, he surged forward with the same long strides he’d used to walk away from her. But this time, he was walking towards her. Not caring about consequences at that moment, he reached out and grasped her cheeks with his hands, guiding her face up to his. Bringing his lips to meet hers, he placed a crushing kiss on them. All the need, all the built-up tension, all the passion came out in that one moment. Desiring his kiss equally, she allowed her mouth to search his with as much urgency, wrapping her arms around him, holding him tightly to her. After a few wildly passionate moments, their kisses softened, slowing down to simple caresses of skin. His mouth kissed her cheek and forehead softly before pulling her totally to him, gasping for breath as his chin came to rest on top of her head. Closing his eyes, he let the moment absorb them, holding her tightly, feeling the beat of her heart against his. Silent whispers of hope fell all around them, bringing their souls the momentary peace they were searching for.

Feeling her shiver, he released her slightly and brushed his hand against her cheek. Smiling down at her softly, he finally spoke. “You’re going to catch your death of cold if we stay out here much longer.”

Sam smiled up at him. “Will you stay for a while?”

That answer was easy for Jack. “Let me just pick up my keys before they become buried in the snow. Letting go of her, he walked over to his keys, picked them up, and was back at her side in no time. Reaching for his hand, she led him back into the house.

Thirty minutes later, Jack had gotten a fire going, and Sam had made some hot chocolate to warm them up. Leaning her head on his shoulder, she closed her eyes and memorized the caresses he was giving her arm with his hand as his arm draped over her shoulders. Nothing was said, no words being needed. They both knew that they had a lot to figure out. All would come in time. Learning how to deal with the new emotions that now filled their hearts, dealing with regulations, separating out the personal from professional. All had it’s own place and time, but not here, not now. Jack placed a kiss on her head and closed his eyes as well, leaning his head against hers. The crackling of the fire and the dance of the flames played in the room as they both drifted off to sleep, their hearts content for the first time in days.

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