Perspectives

Title: Perspectives

Author: Suz W.

Feedback: I would love it!

Spoilers: After Small Victories and The Other Side (episode tag)

Rating: PG, S/J Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, and Romance

Summary: With a difference of perspectives, Sam and Jack try to find a way to resolve the issue standing between them.

Disclaimer: All publicity recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.

Copyright: The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Copyrighted on February 12, 2004, by Suzanne R. Whitmarsh.

Author’s Notes: This story follows “Hidden Realities”. I’m coming close to a critical point in my series, so I hope each of you will continue to read and enjoy the stories I’m writing. As always, your feedback is welcomed and greatly appreciated! Enjoy!

Dedication: Going along with my last dedication from “Hidden Realities”, I would like to dedicate this story to faith. Faith is what each of us, as Sam and Jack “shippers”, must apply at all times to our favorite couple; faith in the fact that they will be together at the end of the beloved Stargate SG-1 Series. No matter what we see (i.e. “Chimera”), and no matter what we read (i.e. interviews or opinions), we must stay strong in the belief that all of the wonderful Sam and Jack moments we’ve gotten throughout these years will add up to one big spectacular moment. Anything is possible if you only believe!

“And what happened after you crashed the unmanned aircraft into their complex?” General Hammond looked at Jack with patience as he waited for the rest of their mission debriefing from Euronda.

“We headed for the Stargate, Sir,” Jack said as casually as possible. Casually because he could feel Sam’s eyes on him, watching him intently for what he was about to say. “Daniel dialed the Gate. As we were about to go through, a number of armed guards fired on our position. Carter and I laid down cover fire while Daniel and Teal’c made their way through the Gate.”

General Hammond furrowed his brow in confusion. “Where was Alar during all of this?”

Hesitating, Jack looked at Sam before answering. She was sitting across from him, her eyes locked on his. Looking into them, he felt his fingers start to nervously twist the pen that lay between them in an unsteady motion. Her eyes were dark with emotion, shrouded in what he could only guess was mainly disbelief, anger, and hurt.

‘Come on, Jack!’ he thought silently to himself as he looked down at the pen twisting between his fingers. ‘You’re the CO of the team. You made a decision. It was right. Stick to your guns!’

“Colonel?” General Hammond spoke up, breaking up his thoughts. “Did you hear me?”

Jack straightened up and looked at the general. “Sorry, Sir. I guess I spent a little too much time in that simulator-thingy they had. Apparently, it affects your brain…”

“Only after long periods of exposure…Sir.” Sam cringed slightly inside as Jack’s head whipped around to look at her again. This time it was his eyes that held the disbelief. She knew she probably shouldn’t have said anything, but she was still so shocked at his early actions that the words just escaped her lips.

“Thank you, Carter,” Jack said, trying to hide his irritation at her unnecessary comment. Turning back to General Hammond, he continued. “Alair was there, Sir. He came running after us as Carter and I attempted to go through the Gate.”

Sam suddenly felt a twinge of hope. She continued to watch him, hoping that he would tell the General what had really happened. And then maybe she could start to understand why he had done what he did.

General Hammond spoke next. “What did he want?”

“He wanted to come with us, Sir. Actually, he begged me to let him come with us.” Jack knew without even looking over at Sam that she was holding her breath in anticipation of what he would say next.

“And what did you tell him?”

This was the moment of truth that Sam had been waiting for. She had been running through a thousand scenarios in her head for why Jack had ordered the iris closed. But in the little under two hours since they’d gotten back, all she succeeded in doing was to frustrate herself and her emotions more. And everything she thought of led down to one conclusion: that Jack had done nothing short of killing Alair, on purpose.

Jack cleared his throat and answered the general. “I told him not to follow us. He was aware of our iris. I’m pretty sure he took me seriously.” Despite every ounce of his strength trying to keep him from looking in Sam’s direction, his eyes managed to find their way to hers. And they were met with a multitude of emotions. He wasn’t sure if he could even pick out just one distinct feeling being broadcast from her eyes. But one thing he did know is that he had hurt her, and that was something he swore he’d never do again.

“I see,” General Hammond stated. “Well, another job well done, people. Thank you for your time. Dismissed.”

They all stood as the general got up and went back into his office. After he had left the table, Sam reached down and started to gather up her notes. Not really seeing them, she could feel Jack’s eyes on her, waiting for her to look up at him. Unable to, she scooped up the remainder of her paperwork and headed for the stairs that led to the control room.

“Hey Carter,” Jack said, his voice sounding hollow, even to him.

Sam stopped short at his voice and forced herself to turn around and face him. “Sir?”

“How about you and I grab a bite to eat in the commissary? I hear they’re serving extra large bowls of Jello, blue and red. We can go over our reports on this mission.” Jack was trying to lighten the mood, despite the obvious tension that was in the room. But more than that, he wanted to talk to her about what had happened, and try to explain his actions.

Sam cleared her throat slightly and tried to conceal any excess emotion from her face. Looking at him, she answered him in a quiet, but steady tone. “Sorry, Sir, I can’t. I’ve got about ten projects in my lab that need my attention. Maybe later.” With that, she smiled at Daniel and Teal’c, who were still there, turned, and made her way down the stairs a little quicker than she would have preferred to.

Jack closed his eyes momentarily and clenched his fists. He knew he’d screwed up, but she wasn’t even giving him a chance to explain. He want to run after her, take her firmly by the shoulders, and make her understand something he, in all honesty to himself, didn’t yet fully understand. But with Daniel and Teal’c still in the room, he didn’t want to give them any reason to wonder what was going on. Turning to leave in the opposite direction, Jack walked past Daniel.

Daniel could sense from Sam’s actions that she was working through something. “Um, Jack,” Daniel said, clearing his throat as he adjusted his glasses with one hand. “Maybe you just need to give her some space. You weren’t exactly pleasant to her on the planet. I know that you just wanted to appear the strong leader, but you did kind of make her look stupid when you interrupted her explanation of heavy water to you. She was only trying to help. I mean, maybe it’s none of my business…”

Jack had stopped when Daniel started talking, and now he whipped around. “You’re right, Daniel. It is none of your business. So butt out!” With that, he turned back around and stalked out of the room.

Daniel turned around and looked at Teal’c. “What was that about?”

Teal’c looked in the direction that Jack had just gone. He knew that his friend had hurt Major Carter with his actions, and he found himself hoping they could find a way to resolve the issues between them.

Teal’c looked at Daniel. “Perhaps Colonel O’Neill is just tired from our mission.”

Daniel looked at him. “Yeah, that, or really hungry. Speaking of which…food sounds really good. Are you up for a snack?”

Teal’c smiled and bowed his head slightly. “I am indeed.”

“Great!” Daniel said, grabbing his notes off the table. “Let’s go get something to eat. Maybe we can even manage to catch Jack in a better mood, once he’s eaten.”

Teal’c followed Daniel out of the briefing room. Even though Jack had mentioned eating to Sam, Teal’c doubted that was where he was going. He was hoping that Jack was going to find Sam. They obviously had some things that needed to be said.

Jack stormed into his office and slammed the door. He wasn’t in the mood for anything right now, let alone visitors. He sat down in his chair and put his head in his hands, resting his elbows on the desk.

‘Who does she think she is?’ Jack thought to himself, frustrated that he was sitting here, alone, instead of working out the obvious conflicts with Sam. He had considered going to her lab and dragging her out of there to someplace where they could talk. He wanted to make her understand. He needed to. He didn’t like the idea of her thinking less of him. But after the look she’d given him on the walkway of the Stargate, he wasn’t sure what he was more worried about: saving face or possibly losing her.

“Damn it, Sam! Why are you doing this to me?” Jack got up and started pacing his office. He didn’t have to justify his actions to her. He made a command decision, and he wasn’t going to let his feelings for her put him on a guilt trip! So why did he feel so guilty?

Suddenly, a knock was heard on his office door. He stopped short and looked in that direction. Frustrated by the interruption to his thoughts, he called out a little louder than he needed to. “What!”

The door opened and in stepped Sam. She had a determined look on her face, and the same emotion still in her eyes. “Excuse me, Sir, but I was wondering if I could speak with you?”

Jack could hear the tension in her voice. For a brief moment, his heart did a little flip flop at seeing her. It had become something he expected and actually loved feeling. It was almost like he fell in love with her all over again every time their eyes met. But hearing the tone in her voice caused him to quickly put those feelings aside and lift up a defensive wall around him.

“Sure,” he said, almost with an equal tension, “come on in.”

Sam closed the door and took a deep breath as she watched Jack walk over to his desk and sit against the edge of it. For a few minutes, neither one of them said anything. The air in the room seemed as thick as molasses, and she was sure the tension could literally be cut with a knife. But she didn’t come here to do that. After going to her lab and trying to focus on her projects, she found it impossible to get anything done but think of Jack. All she wanted to do was understand why he’d done it. She didn’t like unknowns. It made her feel vunerable and weak. And her feelings for Jack were anything but weak. If anything, her love for him was what was driving her so hard to discover the truth.

Deciding not to waste anymore time, Sam broke the silence, her voice softer than she would have expected it, at least compared to the emotional turmoil rolling through her heart. “Why did you do it?”

Jack looked up at her. He could see that she was struggling to understand what had happened, while trying to keep her emotions at bay. Jack shook his head. “I don’t really know. I guess it was done on impulse.”

Sam gave him a look of disbelief. “Jack, you can lie to General Hammond, but don’t do it to me. Do you really think I believe that? I don’t know what’s more unsettling: the fact that you lied in the debriefing or that you can lie to me!”

Jack got up and walked towards her, looking her straight in the face, his eyes a storm of anger. “What are you talking about? I didn’t lie to the general. And I don’t appreciate the implication!” Jack was trying to refrain from just exploding on her. His emotions had been on a roller coaster all day, and this wasn’t happening. And he knew that he had to be careful. Though there was no audio monitoring in his office, there was visual. They had to appear as if they were just having a normal discussion. Turning around, he put distance between them by walking back over to his desk and sitting in his chair behind it.

Sam knew what he was doing. She was aware that all rooms on the base were visually monitored. Walking forward, she sat down in one of the chairs on the other side of his desk. Taking a breath, she continued on. “Well, unless I’ve suddenly developed a hearing problem, I didn’t hear you say anything to him before we went into the wormhole.”

Jack took in a deep breath of his own. “I did tell him not to follow us. It just wasn’t at that moment. I told him as we were leaving the war room.”

“I see,” Sam said. “So you just decided that manipulating the truth to cover your actions was okay.”

“The guy was a creep, Carter! He was killing off people on that planet like bugs, simply because they didn’t all look alike! How can you defend him?”

“I’m not defending him!” Sam couldn’t believe that he would even think that. “Why do you think that I would actually back a man who was killing people because they were, in his words, genetically impure?”

“Gee, I don’t know, maybe because we’re having this argument! I just don’t see why your mad at me for ordering the iris closed.”

“Because,” Sam said, her tone still stern, “you didn’t say a word to him after he begged us to take him with us. It was almost like you dared him to follow us. And then you purposely closed the iris, knowing full well that he would be behind us!”

Jack looked at her with equal defiance. “Well, what goes around comes around.”

Sam was stunned. Was this the same man she’d fallen in love with? Finding her voice, she gave him a hurtful look. “So does that apply to me as well? Because I don’t remember asking you to embarrass me in front of the Eurondans when I was explaining the concept of heavy water to you.”

Jack sighed. He knew that he was going to have to face this sooner or later. “No, of course it doesn’t. Look, Sam, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to make you look bad. I just didn’t want you making me out to look so…dumb.”

Sam shook her head in disbelief. “Since when are you so concerned with saving face? Is that more important to you than how you treat me?”

Jack slammed his hand on the desk in frustration. “You know its not! I just knew how important it was to obtain technologies from these people, and since they seemed so willing, I needed them to know who was in charge.”

Sam gave him a sad smile. “Well, I’m sorry your pride is more important to you than how you treat your friends. You might as well have killed Daniel yourself. He was only trying to look out for our best interest, and you raked him across the coals.”

“Damn it, Sam! I already apologized to him for that. Why can’t you just drop this?” Jack pinched the bridge of his nose before looking back at her. He felt his heart plummet as he could see that she was doing her best to keep her eyes from filling up with tears. “Look, I’m sorry.”

Sam sniffed and dug her fingernails into her hand, trying to keep the tears from forming. She hated this. Allowing herself to care about him had consequences, and this was one of them. Standing up, she looked at him. “Well, I’m sorry too. You are the commanding officer here. I shouldn’t be questioning your decisions. Please accept my apology…Sir.” With that, she started for the door.

Jack stood up, his heart aching at what she had just said. “Sam, please, don’t go like this.”

Sam turned around and looked at him, a single tear escaping down her cheek. “It’s okay. We all have our bad days.” Giving him another sad smile, she opened the door and walked out, closing the door softly behind her.

Jack put his head back in his hands. ‘Why am I such a jerk sometimes?’ He knew he should go after her, but if he did, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from pulling her into his arms. All he wanted to do was hold her, to feel her respond and reassure himself that they were still okay. Resisting the urge to go after her, he sat back in his chair and thought about his next move. He was determined that no matter how badly this day had gone, it wouldn’t end that way.

Hours later, Sam found herself back at home, attempting to read one of her scientific journals that she subscribed to. But even the latest findings on Nanotechnology couldn’t hold her interest. Her thoughts continuously returned to Jack and the fight they’d had earlier that day. She had been hurt, yes, but she hadn’t gone to his office with the intention of creating a wall between them. But one had definitely been built. And now, here she sat, alone in her house, trying to think of a way to break it down.

The more she thought about the things that had been said, the harder it became to find rational thought. She knew that Jack had meant to hurt her, but his actions had just been so rash, so unexpected, that she hadn’t been sure how to tread on this new, unsteady ground. Maybe she had been too presumptuous in going to his office. What if she had only made things worse? He had been so angry.

‘I can’t lose you, Jack.’ Sam thought to herself. She loved him to a capacity that she had never felt before. And that scared her. She had always thought out and calculated every decision in her life, trying to make it work like she knew it logically could. But this was something she couldn’t control. The thing that scared her most was she didn’t know if her feelings for him would ever be returned. They hadn’t really ever discussed it. And since this area was so new to her, she didn’t have the slightest clue in how to go about asking him how he felt about her.

‘Apparently, Sam,’ she told herself, ‘you have a great ability to provoke a fight. Not quite the solution you had in mind!’ Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back and let silent tears tickle slowly down her cheeks. Moments later, her doorbell rang. Opening her eyes, she sighed and wiped at her cheeks as she got up and walked towards the front door.

After a brief moment of composing herself, she opened the door, her eyes meeting those of the man she had just been crying over. Jack looked about as miserable as she did. Despite the heat from the mid-summer night air, Sam could have sworn that she felt a chill. Shaking it off, she gave him a soft smile. “Hey.”

Jack returned her smile. “Hey.”

For a moment they just stood there, looking at each other, unsure of who should speak next. Sam stood aside and motioned for him to come in. Without a word, he walked past her and waited for her to close the door. She gave him a timid smile as she walked into the living room.

Jack could tell that she had been crying. Her eyes didn’t hold the luster they usually held, and the skin around her eyes was slightly puffier than normal. But she still was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known, inside and out. Ever since realizing that he loved her on P3X-234, where they had been stranded for a week, Jack’s feelings for her only continued to deepen every moment that he lived. She meant so much to him, and for that reason, and so many others, he decided that he was going to come over here tonight and not leave until things were settled.

Putting down the small sack that he was carrying on the island in the kitchen, he turned and found her facing away from him, staring at the wall in front of her. Taking a step towards her, he spoke up in a voice that was almost a whisper. “Look Sam, I’m sorry about earlier. I swore to myself that I would never hurt you again.”

Sam’s voice came so softly, Jack almost didn’t hear it. “And I told you not to make promises you couldn’t keep. That we would take this one day at a time.” Turning around, she faced him for the first time since he’d entered her house. “And this,” she said, referring to the wall between them, “is taking it one day at a time.”

Jack found himself confused and his heart anxious. He didn’t know which way she was leaning. “So what are you saying?” The silence that followed his question was almost unbearable. “Sam?”

Sam looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “I’m saying that I’m sorry…”

Jack started to panic. Was this it? Had he managed to drive her away permanently? Interrupting her abruptly, he gave her a desperate, pleading look. “Please, don’t say it’s over! I know that I was a complete ass today. I don’t know what came over me.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile. “Jack…”

“No, please, just hear me out. Damn! I’m just not that good with words. But if you give me a moment, I know I can come up with something right to say.”

Sam spoke up a little louder. “Jack! I forgive you.”

“Come on, there’s got to be something….what?” Jack could have sworn he just heard her tell him that she forgives him.

Sam smiled through her tears. “I forgive you. And more than that, I’m sorry for confronting you earlier today. I didn’t mean to let things get so out of hand.”

Jack didn’t waste a moment longer. In two long strides, she was within his reach. Taking her into his arms, he held her so tightly he suddenly became afraid that he was crushing her. But she only responded in his arms by holding onto him with the same force.

Drawing back enough to see her face, he gently caressed her soft cheek with the tips of his fingers. “You forgive me? Even though I was a complete ass?”

Sam smiled up at him as Jack wiped away one of her tears. “Well, you’re definitely the cutest ass I’ve ever seen!” Both laughing, their lips found each other in the next second. And as another second passed by, the intensity of their kisses had both of their hearts racing. His lips felt hot on hers, his tongue dancing with hers as they became lost in the passion of the moment. When Jack’s lips found her neck, she arched her back at his touch and gave her strength to him in their embrace.

Moving his lips from the nape of her supple neck to her left earlobe, he nibbled on it briefly before pulling her completely into his arms. They just stood there, holding each other, letting time drift by unnoticed. After a short while, Jack spoke up, still holding her. “I really am sorry, Sam. I never intended to hurt you like I did.”

Sam pulled back and reached up, running her hand over the side of his head, loving the feel of his short, soft hair as it tickled every nerve ending in her fingers. Looking into his eyes, she smiled. “It’s okay, Jack. I know that you never intended to, but like I said, you can’t believe that pain will never touch us. What we have to promise each other is that we will work through it as best we can. I know this new ground we’re walking on doesn’t exactly have a clear path for us to follow. That’s why we need to stay strong and promise each other to make an effort to not let the reality of life hurt us.”

Cupping her cheeks with his hands, he bent down and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “It’s a deal.” As he pulled her into his embrace once more, Sam looked over her shoulder at the white sack Jack had left on the counter.

“So what’s in the sack?” Sam asked.

Jack released her halfway and looked behind him, a smile forming on his lips as he remembered what he had brought. Taking her hand, he led her over to it and picked it up. “Well,” he said, a mischievous grin on his face, “I thought that since you had refused my Jello offer earlier, I’d try again, as a peace offering.” He pulled out two Styrofoam bowls wrapped in Seran Wrap and placed them on the countertop. One had blue Jello in it, and the other one held red.

Sam laughed. “Jello, huh? Wow! You went all out!”

“Hey!” Jack said, trying to look offended. “What kind of comment is that? I went to all the trouble to walk up to the commissary and then use my charm on the Jello lady to get her to put the Jello in this fine serving…bowl. And she even wrapped it for me.”

“Really!” Sam said, pretending to look astonished. “That must have been some major charm you laid on her. I’d better be careful. You might have charmed her so much that I’ll have to compete for your affections.”

“That, Major, you don’t have to ever worry about. I have eyes only for you.” Smiling at her, he unwrapped the bowls as Sam went around the island and got two spoons. Taking the bowls to the table, they both sat down adjacent to each other. “So,” Jack said, taking a bite of his Jello, “are there any airmen that I need to warn about treading on my turf?”

Sam smiled, taking another bite of her blue Jello. “Nope. Although, I think Thor’s taking a liking to me.”

“Thor?”

“Yep. I kind of surprised him I think when I hugged him.” Sam smiled as she watched Jack’s confused look.

“You hugged him?”

“Well, we had just beat the Replicators, and I was so excited, I just kind of lost my head, I guess.”

Jack’s right side of his face tugged up into a smile. “Well that’s the last time I let you go off with him unescorted. I’m going to have to remind the little guy not to go falling for the woman I…care about.” Jack caught himself just in time. He’d almost said it…the woman I love. He wasn’t ready for any other surprises tonight. He wanted to be optimistic that Sam would return his feelings, but he didn’t know for sure, and he didn’t want to risk driving her away when he just got her back.

Sam smiled at him. Her heart had skipped a beat just a moment ago when she thought he was going to say that he loved her. Was she crazy? She desperately wanted to tell him how she felt, that she loved him more than anything life could hold for her. Watching him as he dug into his red Jello, becoming really relaxed for the first time tonight, she couldn’t help but feel content. Having him here in her house now felt so natural, so right. She didn’t want to lose that. When the moment was right, she would tell him. She just didn’t know when that was.

For the rest of the evening, they spent a relaxing evening, cuddling on the couch, Sam curled up at his side, her head on his shoulder, while Jack stretched his legs out on the coffee table in front of him, his legs crossed at the ankle. Wrapping his arm around her, they watched the television and enjoyed random discussions about life, usually prompted by a commercial on the T.V. Their hearts were content for now, happy to have broken down the wall between them. But there was an unseen force tugging on each of their hearts. Time could only hold the feelings of love at bay for so long. And that time was running out.

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