New Horizons (part 4)
For a while, the diversion
she created worked, and the ache in his heart for Sam lessened as it had on ‘Edora’. He'd almost
forgotten how good having a woman to share his life with could be. But after dating several months, Jack sensed
a not too subtle push on her part for him to make some sort of permanent commitment. It flattered him she cared that way about
him, but in spite of his effort to move on, he still harbored deep-seated
feelings for Sam that prevented any substantive reciprocation. He found himself holding back, dreaming of
what it would be like to be in the same situation, except with Sam being the
one by his side.
It didn't take long for
Kerry to pick up on his recalcitrance.
Realizing his heart belonged to another, she finally came down to his
office one cold, dreary afternoon to tell him goodbye. After expressing a few tearful regrets and eliciting
his pledge not to let anything that happened come between them professionally,
she crossed the office to where he stood and gently kissed him on the
cheek. Without another word, she opened
the office door and walked out of his personal life.
Jack wondered whether Sam even knew he'd been seeing
anyone. He really hadn't intended it to
be a secret. He supposed he’d just not
wanted anyone, especially Sam, to think he’d given up on her again. As a result, he’d unconsciously convinced
Kerry to maintain strict professionalism anytime they were together on
base. It was entirely possible that Sam
hadn't even seen or heard anything about Kerry.
But sitting beside her now with his heart thumping and gazing into her
gorgeous blue eyes, he decided that part of his response needed to include full
disclosure, just in case. For at least
the tenth time in as many minutes, he swore to himself he wasn’t going to screw
this up.
With that thought firmly in mind, Jack quickly
ordered his thoughts before reaching to cup both her cheeks in his calloused
hands and began speaking. "Sam, I'm
at a loss for words here… well, almost," he chuckled, unable to resist the
slightest bit of sarcasm. "There
are so many things I want, in fact I need
to say," he emphasized. “The most
important of those is to unequivocally assure you that I love you more than
life itself. I have for a very long
time. But as you know, I'm pretty good
at hiding my feelings, too."
With that he paused, giving only the slightest of
smiles before resuming. "Having
said that, you should know I don't really see anything you did that requires
forgiveness on my part. Don't forget, I
know you; I know you so very well. I can
imagine the thought process that led you to conclude it was an all but
impossible dream to ever suppose we could finally be together. Thinking is what you do best, Sam. You don't need to apologize for using that
extraordinary mind of yours to reach a logical conclusion. If I'd been privy to all the details you just
shared with me, even I'd be hard pressed not to come to the same conclusion.
If I were to fault you for anything,” he phrased
carefully, “it would be for never coming to tell me about your decision about
us. I would have understood, even if it
wasn't what I wanted to hear. I could
have dealt better with the distance you put between us if you'd only reassured
me you weren't doing it because you felt nothing for me. I'm only too aware of the tightrope we have
to walk because of the frat regs; hell, I have to
enforce ‘em. I
would have reluctantly agreed that given our careers and the chain of command,
there’s no way we could have a proper relationship. I wouldn't have fought you over that. But, Sam, when I finally acknowledged to
myself I was in love with you several years ago, I decided then you were far
more important than my career. If you’d
only told me convincingly anytime over the intervening years how you felt, I
wouldn't have even hesitated to retire or transfer to have you in my
life.” Squeezing her hands tightly, he
continued, “You're that important to me.
In fact, I don't even look at that as being much of a sacrifice. And that's still the way I feel about it, and
always will.”
Seeing Jack pause to catch his breath, Sam took
advantage of the opportunity to quickly lean forward and kiss him
tenderly. She marveled at the sweet
taste of his mouth and the pleasure that coursed through her as he responded in
kind, pulling her gently into another firm embrace before reluctantly pulling
back to lovingly gaze into her eyes.
Considering his declaration for just a moment, she
realized he'd said it all perfectly. She
knew she'd hurt him by never coming in to talk about her feelings, not that she
hadn't tried at least a hundred times.
But she’d always chickened out.
For him to be able to get past that and return her love left her flushed
with excitement, that maybe, just perhaps, she might yet achieve her
dream. She realized there were a
thousand ramifications to consider, but at least now there was hope where
before there'd been only depression and despair. She could go over and consider each one in
due time. For now though, it was enough
just to hear him acknowledge he loved her unconditionally. Sam had never been so happy in her life and
she couldn’t wait another second to tell him.
“Thank you, Jack,” she whispered.
“For what?” he replied, kissing her forehead gently
before nuzzling her hair softly.
“For not giving up on me
again,” she answered, “and for forgiving me.”
Again reaching to wipe an errant strand of golden
hair out of one eye, he just gazed down at her, love swelling in his chest,
saying nothing.
His protracted silence finally began to concern her
just a bit. Just as she decided to
vocalize her concern, he spoke up. “Sam,
I vowed after ‘Edora’ I’d never doubt you again. I think I’ve kept that pledge pretty well
don’t you think?”
This time she chose to be silent, considering all
the truth in his statement, while gazing back at his beautifully expressive
face and waiting for him to speak again.
Seeing she didn’t intend to reply, he decided to
cover a few more cogent points. “Sam, I
also want you to know I don’t hold it against you for having a physical
relationship with Pete. I think at one
time I did, but the truth of the matter is, I have a confession of my own. I’ve not been alone, either. Kerry Johnson, the CIA operative assigned as
part of our civilian oversight, lived with me up until about three weeks
ago. I don’t know whether you heard anything
about that or not. We kind of tried to
keep it quiet you know. Anyway, she
broke it off when she figured out the reason I was unwilling to make any kind
of commitment to her was because of you.
For what it’s worth, we’re still friends and colleagues, but nothing
more. Oh, and before she left, she
wished us well. I think she kind of
guessed I was in love with you,” he finished with a fierce hug. Praying that what he was about to say wasn’t
a mistake, he blundered on, “Sam, I couldn’t return her love when you’re the
only woman I really care about, but we did sleep together. I think it’s important you know that going
in. Is that going to be a problem?”
Sam thought for a moment before answering. She’d suspected he’d been seeing her. Actually, it was reassuring to see he wasn’t
trying to cover the whole thing up. As
far as the answer to his question was concerned, that was easy. She’d naively believed the fantastic sex she
and Pete enjoyed together in their relationship was integral to finally becoming
a ‘normal’ woman again. Wouldn’t it be
the height of hypocrisy on her part for her to criticize him enjoying being
with Kerry?
On the other hand, now that she and Jack had openly
professed their love, she firmly believed the next time for either one of them
should only be with each other as a married couple. The significance of that thought struck like
a thunderbolt. ‘What if he doesn’t want
to marry me?’ she worried. ‘What if he
loves me, but has decided for some reason he can’t or doesn’t want to make any
kind of commitment? What if his failed
marriage to Sara permanently soured him on the idea of ever making such a
commitment again?’ She had to conclude that
there was nothing she could do now if any of those were how he really
felt. She’d just have to worry about it
if and when the time came. For now, all
she could do was broach the idea. How he
replied would determine just how serious he was about commitment and possibly
spending the rest of their lives together.
Summoning all the courage she could muster, she
forced herself to answer his question before asking her own. “No, Jack, that’s not a problem, how could it
be?” she answered truthfully while maintaining continuous eye contact. “But, Jack, I want to ask you something,
something you may not like, but I’ve got to know, okay?” she finished, her
voice quivering slightly.
“Sure, Sam,” he answered. But she could see the small frown reappear as
he worried about what she might be getting ready to say. “Go ahead,” he added solemnly. The remark failed to conceal the obvious
uneasiness now openly displayed across his face.
Preparing herself for the worst, she decided to just
spit it out and get it all over with.
She could pick up the pieces later if she had to. But if she didn’t ask, she’d never know. “Jack, I, I think we should get married,” she
blurted out. Before he had a chance to
say anything either way, she rushed on. “We’ve both just professed our love in no
uncertain terms, and it’s not like we don’t know each other pretty well. In fact, we probably know each other better
than most couples ever will. I mean,
we’ve been best friends and coworkers for over eight years, sharing both good
times and bad. We’ve watched each
other’s asses and made life and death calls about each other any number of
times. More than that, you and I have
always been close, sort of kindred spirits.
How could we not know each other well enough by now? I don’t think we need to date or anything to
know we’re true soul mates and we’ve always been meant for each other.”
She stopped abruptly to figure how to best phrase
the rest of what needed to be said.
“Jack, we’re here together talking about this because we’ve both decided
we can’t and don’t want to live without each other any longer. I told you earlier I intend to make the
changes I have to for that to happen or I’ve got to get away from you. I want to make my dream a reality, and that
includes having at least one child, and I want that to be with you. I want to be your wife, and I guess my
question would be do you want me even half as much? I pray you’ll say yes, but I’ll understand if
you don't, or if this is all too much or too fast for you. I want more than anything for us to finally
be able to share our love, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned through all
this, it’s that it’ll only be right between us if we’re absolutely committed to
each other in every way as only a husband and wife can be. Please tell me you agree,” she pleaded, her
eyes still locked to his.
What she’d said had taken him totally by
surprise. Jack waited breathlessly for
his mind to catch up. If he’d heard her
correctly, she was suggesting they get married, the very thing he’d dreamed of
for the last several years! Slowly his
mind came back up to speed. He’d wanted
to ask her the same question right from the beginning, but knowing his penchant
for opening mouth and inserting foot, he’d rejected the idea as way too risky. Plus, there were still the frat regs to consider.
Something had to be done about them first if either one of their careers
were to have a chance of surviving intact.
Not that he still wasn’t perfectly willing to retire
if need be. He’d already been a military
man far too long as far as he was concerned; it wasn’t something he’d regret
doing if it came right down to it.
Still, these were things they could decide together later. For now, he yearned to accept her
proposal. ‘Get that, ‘her’ proposal!’ he
marveled again. He couldn’t get over how
good that sounded. Of course he wanted
to get married!
Before accepting though, he briefly considered how
much he respected her decision not to sleep together just yet. Jack knew neither he nor Sam were
saints. Sex had always been a necessary
and enjoyable activity that at least in his case, had been getting more and
more infrequent until he met Kerry. Jack
suspected that until Pete came along, it had been much the same with her. Now though, they were both resolved to start
their relationship off on the right foot, with total commitment to each
other. Jack imagined his mother was
probably smiling down on him from Heaven about now for their decision. The two of them had proven over the years
they could resist their incredible mutual attraction; there wasn’t any doubt in
his mind they could wait just a little longer, and also put all previous lovers
behind them, never to be mentioned again.
Another thing she’d said that really caught his
attention was mention of having his baby.
He’d never gotten over the loss of his son due to negligence with his
own service weapon. When Charlie died,
it created a void that ultimately drove the final nail in the coffin of his
marriage to Sara. Once both his wife and
son were gone, he’d very nearly been sucked in as well. On his very first mission through the Stargate,
he’d never intended to return. It
occurred not long after Charlie’s passing, and the wound had still been
especially deep and raw. He’d gone out
actually hoping to be killed so he’d finally be freed from all the guilt and
pain plaguing him night and day.
Not long after returning, he’d actually retired. Sam joined SG-1 a few months later, just
after he’d been recalled to active duty, and his life had never been the same
since. Somehow, she’d managed to get to
him just enough to unknowingly pull him back from the precipice he was so close
to jumping over. Her friendship came to
represent an unmovable anchor holding his life together to this very day. Within twelve months of their meeting,
thoughts of suicide ceased, and he'd actually begun looking forward to coming
in to the mountain to work, if for no other reason than just to be around the
incredible woman that was Samantha Carter.
Now, they’d openly professed their love for each other and were actually
considering getting married, if they could just find a way around the regs.
But the icing on the cake had to be her admitting
she wanted a baby with him! Only Sam
herself was more important than having the chance to be a father again, to
hopefully do it right this time. And the
woman he loved more than life itself asked nothing more than he marry her in
order to make that dream a reality. Jack
could hardly contain himself. He
couldn’t wait to say yes! For once in
his life, there were no ambiguous or gray areas to be considered. He knew absolutely what the best course of
action was, and best of all, he had only to answer the lady honestly. Unable to come up with any better way to
convey all his thoughts and feelings, he decided to take his own advice and
stop thinking about it altogether and just answer simply and truthfully. “Yes, Sam, a thousand times yes, I want to
marry you.”
Sam’s face lit up instantly, even as she visibly
exhaled the deep breath she had no idea she’d been holding since broaching the
subject. Putting on her biggest ‘Jack
O’Neill special’ smile, she leaned back in to capture his lips once again,
luxuriating in the embrace of his arms around her waist as he pulled her
tightly against his chest. For several
long minutes, neither spoke or dared move until he confided that his legs were
cramping and he needed to lay back and stretch them out. As he did, he cradled her against him until
they both fell fast asleep.
When they woke up an hour or so later, Jack glanced
at his watch, surprised at the late hour.
As Sam finally stirred, she grumbled briefly about having to leave the
warmth of his embrace. But as the
cobwebs slowly cleared away, she reluctantly pulled herself up to a sitting
position before glancing over at the clock.
“Wow, I’ve got to get going,” she exclaimed, stifling another big yawn. “It’s getting late and we both have to work
tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” Jack acknowledged
regretfully. “We never did get around to
that spaghetti dinner though, did we?”
“No, but I’ll take a rain check on it if that’s all
right,” Sam beamed.
“Sure, but I wish you didn’t have to go tonight,” he
answered hopefully.
“Jack, we agreed,” she admonished gently.
“I know, intellectually that is.” Suddenly, he gave her an odd look. “Sam, we’re still okay aren’t we? I mean, I didn’t just dream all the stuff we
said to each other did I?”
Leaning in for a last, long lingering kiss, she
answered back. “No, Jack, you
didn’t. And we’re definitely okay.” Squeezing a hand in both of hers, she looked
into the depths of his eyes, “I meant every word I said. You did too, didn’t you?”
“Are you kidding?
If I could manage it without getting hurt, I’d drag you off by the hair
right now and marry you!” he answered quickly.
He paused a moment before leaning over to kiss her soundly, “That's how
much I want you. You know I love you,
Sam," he said trying to reassure her, "don’t you ever doubt that.”
Laughing at his exuberance before growing serious
once again, she answered back. “I love
you too, Jack, but we’ve got to be careful until we work things out. No one can know about us, and that includes
Daniel and Teal’c. We’ve got to keep up
normal appearances with each other."
As if just thinking about it for the first time, she shuttered,
"The worst of it is I won’t even be able to kiss you.” After thinking a moment, she frowned; it was
inevitable, and there was no choice but to accept it. Deciding she wouldn’t let it get her down,
she continued, “Oh well, what do you say we get together at my house tomorrow
evening about 1900 and have that spaghetti?
In the meantime, be thinking about how we can make this work. We’ll talk it all through then, okay?”
“Sounds good to me,” he replied, getting up and
reaching out a hand to help her. With a
sigh, she stood and began heading for the door, but stopped as he called after
her playfully. “You’re not forgetting
something are you, Sam?”
Suddenly, it dawned on her what he must be talking
about. “I don’t have a car!” she
groaned.
“Duh! Want a ride, Colonel? I just happen to be going your way,” he
kidded.
“Well, I guess I’ve known you long enough to trust
you to take me home,” she quipped back.
With a big grin, he picked up an over-stuffed pillow and swatted her on
the side of her head. Laughing and
talking animatedly with each other, they strode hand in hand out the door and
down the sidewalk to Jack’s truck.
Ten minutes later, after one final, passionate kiss
that left them both breathless, Jack backed down her driveway and started for
home. As he reached an intersection two
or three blocks away, his ebullient mood finally got the best of him. Carefully checking every direction for other
cars or pedestrians, he verified no one in sight. With a joyous whoop that could have raised
the dead, he tromped on the accelerator and brake simultaneously and burnt a
perfect donut in the middle of the intersection. Smiling insanely at his accomplishment, he
drove off conservatively in the direction of his own house.
Several days later found SG-1 seated in the
conference room for an unscheduled briefing.
They’d been waiting and watching through the window a good ten minutes
for the General to get off the phone to join them. All of a sudden, they heard him yell, “Yes!”
while simultaneously punching the air with a fist before quickly hanging up and
finally heading in to meet with his flagship team.
“Looks like he’s pretty happy about something,”
Daniel observed nonchalantly. As he
spoke, he didn’t even look up from where he was continuing to doodle what
looked to be Egyptian glyphs on the legal pad lying on the table before him. “In fact,” he added with exaggerated
emphasis, “I’d say our illustrious leader’s been down right cheerful these last
couple days. Actually, you both
have," he confided, looking over the top of his glasses to gage Sam’s
response. She’d been sitting quietly, no
doubt wondering just what news the General’s sudden outburst portended for the
team. He couldn’t tell for sure whether
or not she’d even been listening, so he barged on, "Of course, you
wouldn’t know anything about that now would you, Sam?” he asked
conspiratorially. As he finished, he
cocked an eyebrow upward at her across the table, all the while keeping his
head aimed downward, continuing to doodle, and waiting to see just how she was
going to try to worm out of this one.
Sam couldn’t prevent the blush that instantly
painted her face a rather conspicuous shade of red. 'Oh, you are so busted, Samantha,' she thought.
Apparently, she'd not been too successful in hiding the new spring in
her step ever since she and Jack finally talked. Gone were all the worries, concerns, and
doubts over Pete and the ensuing wedding that had plagued her barely a week
ago. Now, her heart was light, making
her feel well and truly happy. The only
fly in the ointment was the necessity of being so formal around Jack anytime
they weren't alone, especially when all she could think about was how much she
wanted to jump his bones! But they still
hadn't figured out the best way to deal with the stupid frat regs. Until they did
and were married, she'd just have to wait.
She was confident it would only be a matter of a few weeks, at most.
When she finally answered Daniel's question, she
prayed neither of the men present noticed her rather profuse blush. Realizing there was nothing she could do
about it now if they had, she chose to answer as casually as possible. “Why no, Daniel, I don’t; should I? I guess he must have got some good news about
a mission or something. As for me, I
just made up my mind I wasn't going to let everything get me down anymore,
that’s all.”
Quickly pulling her chair back away from the table,
she got up and walked at a slow measured pace over to refill her water
glass. She prayed that simple action
would allow her time to compose herself a bit more before
having to turn and once again face her interrogator. At the very least, it might give her a little
more time to figure out how to get him side-tracked so he'd forget about his
current line of questioning before he had the opportunity to corner her later outside
in the hall. But her hopes were dashed
somewhat when she walked past Teal’c and noticed that even he was observing her
closely, obviously thinking Daniel must be on to something. He had that solemn patented
“Yeah, right,” Daniel mocked, just as the General
strode in, saving her any further response or embarrassment, at least for the
time being.
Taking his seat at the head of the table, he waited
for Sam to resume hers before studying her with a questioning look on his
face. With a quick gesture of her hand,
she communicated it was nothing; she’d tell him all about it later. Taking her response at face value, Jack just
shrugged before looking over each member of SG-1 in turn. Finally, he pasted on his biggest smile and
began speaking with considerable enthusiasm. “Well campers, are you ready to have some real fun?” All three heads snapped up instantly when
they heard him emphasize the word ‘real’.
Confident he now had their undivided attention, he began a business-like
briefing that made both Sam and Daniel proud.
For her part, Sam was amazed at the excitement
fairly oozing out of her normally stolid, bored superior, as he got right to
the point. As she suspected, the first
part of the presentation consisted of a brief synopsis of the information he’d
already confided to her in the meeting in his office the night they got back
from PQ4118. Although even more excited
now about their proposed mission to meet the Piraxan
than she had been earlier, she still found her attention being temporarily
drawn away from the briefing to the man that was Jack O’Neill. Her
man; not ‘the General’, but the man she planned to marry as soon as they could
get things worked out.
She’d been adamant about that from the very
beginning. There was absolutely no way
she was going to allow everything to be locked back up in that room like it had
been after the Zatarc’ incident. Not that there was anything to worry
about. If anything, Jack seemed more
excited and determined to make it happen than she was.
The sure knowledge that he loved her as much as she
did him both thrilled and sobered her.
It was exciting to be desired like that, but she couldn’t completely
shake the memory of how perilously close she came to marrying the wrong man
because she’d been unwilling to admit that she didn’t feel the same way. Sam knew it was different this time because
for once, her head and heart were in total and enthusiastic agreement about how
she felt.
Confident after listening a few moments that she
wasn’t missing anything pertinent, she chose to let her mind drift back to
their rendezvous at her house to begin making concrete plans for their future
the evening after they finally opened up to each other. She’d found herself actually holding her
breath as she opened the door to let Jack in.
She’d been downright giddy with excitement the night before when they
talked briefly on the phone after he got back home from dropping her off, so
she was immensely relieved to see that what he’d told her then hadn’t just been
her overactive imagination. Still, her
heart nearly beat out of her chest when he never even hesitated to gather her
in his arms and kiss her passionately.
Looking back on it now, she almost felt ashamed for having worried that
maybe he’d changed his mind and either didn’t want her after all, or in spite
of everything he’d said to the contrary, decided there really wasn’t room in
his life for both her and a career.
Dinner was an enjoyable, leisurely affair. They’d talked, laughed, and flirted
shamelessly before finally taking their coffees into the living room to cuddle
and make out on the couch like a couple of love sick teenagers. As things inevitably heated up, they
reluctantly agreed to stop and turn their energies to talking seriously about
what they needed to do. She’d racked her
brain for hours that day trying to come up with the best possible plan, but come
up empty. In a nutshell, it all boiled
down to either he’d have to retire, or she’d resign her commission, or some
variation of the two.
If she did, they could try to sell the Pentagon on
hiring her in as a civilian scientist.
She felt pretty confident they would.
But if for some reason they wouldn’t, she could always try to teach at
the
As far as Jack was concerned, he could easily
retire. He’d probably miss going through
the Gate just as much, but he’d assured her it was an acceptable option. In her mind though, she wasn’t so sure. If he did, would he want to stay in
Finally, they’d even toyed with the idea of both of
them leaving military service altogether and just moving somewhere they could both
agree to, and getting normal jobs having nothing to do with the Stargate. With her military record and a PhD in
astrophysics, along with a BS in applied math, it certainly wasn’t a stretch to
think she could get credentialed to teach general physical science or physics
in any high school or university. And,
with a Brigadier General’s full retirement pay subsidizing Jack’s income, they
could easily afford for him to get a job coaching kid’s hockey or baseball if
he wanted to, which was something she’d been amazed to find out he’d truly enjoyed
doing part time years before.
They’d also talked a good bit about her having a
baby. Jack was ecstatic of course, as
could be expected. The truth be known,
she wasn’t really looking forward to several aspects of the whole pregnancy
thing, but she was certainly smart enough to know that her biological clock was
ticking in double time, and the doctors had told her she couldn’t wait. So, she’d embraced the idea, too. Besides, when she really thought about, she
had to admit that other than the normal fears of feeling increasingly miserable
the better part of those nine months, and the big one of delivering a football
at the end, she really kind of looked forward to being a mother.
Jack reminded her that having a baby didn’t
necessarily preclude any of the many possible scenarios they’d discussed,
although it would be a big negative to remain the SG-1 commander. They’d both agreed that no matter what, when
they decided to try for a child, she had to at least transfer away from SG-1
and any of the operational billets. In
fact, Jack made a pretty compelling case for her giving up command of any field
unit. The simple fact of the matter was
that neither of them wanted to risk her being seriously hurt or killed off
world anymore, particularly if they had a child.
Instead, he'd suggested they ask for General
Hammond’s help to land her a desk job at the SGC in training or something,
until such time she got promoted to bird Colonel and really had a chance to get
into the base's senior command structure.
He’d been adamant in his belief that if she would, there’d be an excellent
chance to make General within five years, and then maybe even be in line to
become the SGC commander. Thinking about
it was all very exciting, but she really had her doubts that she could make it happen
so soon, if ever.
Feeling a little discouraged, but not actually
deterred that nothing really jumped out as the single best solution, they’d
taken a break long enough to go put a batch of cookies in the oven. Sitting back down together a few minutes
later, Jack suddenly clammed up and began running his fingers around the rim of
his coffee cup, obviously lost in thought.
After watching and waiting several long minutes for him to start talking
again, Sam couldn’t stand it any longer.
Burning with curiosity, she demanded somewhat dubiously, “Jack, what are
you thinking? Have you got an idea?”
Without looking up, he began speaking tentatively, carefully laying out a plan that at first
seemed so risky it should be rejected out of hand. But the longer she listened, the more
intrigued she became. What he was
proposing was as near perfect a solution as they could ever ask for, if they were conceited enough to believe
they’d become indispensable to the SGC, the Air Force, and their country.
In a nutshell, Jack proposed going to see General
Hammond to convince him to help them legally circumvent the frat regs. Although the
General had never officially questioned either of them about the scope of any
perceived relationship, it was pretty obvious he was aware there must be some
strong feelings between them. They'd
always assumed that since they'd never put him in a position where he was
forced to engage them in that particular conversation, he simply chose to look
the other way. The General was a big
subscriber to the Air Force’s ‘Don't ask - Don't tell’ policy, even though it
really didn't apply to the frat regs.
Jack's hope was that with his help, they could get
the President to intervene on their behalf over the heads of the Joint Chiefs. They'd have to sell the idea to the General
first, convincing him that such an intervention was in everybody's best
interests. It wouldn't be simple, and
failure might well result in a general court martial for them both, since they
would have essentially confessed to knowingly violating the regs. The fact was, those regs had been in effect for well over a hundred years,
which made it highly unlikely the Joint Chief's would see any need to change
them now, regardless of the heart wrenching consequences for the two of them.
In his former role as Commanding Officer of the SGC,
General Hammond had always been careful to show no partiality or favoritism
towards any personnel under his command.
But over the years, the two of them had come to see him not only as an
outstanding leader, but also as a sure and steady friend that cared and had
their best interests at heart.
Consequently, it concerned them both to even consider asking him to risk
his own career by jumping the JCS in the chain of command on their behalf and
going directly to the President on a matter he knew they'd never approve. Although it would be considerably more
difficult to prove, if the President refused to intervene and they chose to
press the issue, he could conceivably be charged with aiding and abetting them
breaking the frat regs, which at the very least could
cost him his pension.
Assuming General Hammond didn’t explode and just call
the MPs to throw them in the brig straight out, Jack figured they could
reasonably expect five or ten minutes of good ass-chewing before he paused to
get his second wind. After that, he’d
probably look Jack squarely in the eye and tell him just how stupid and
irresponsible he was for having allowed something like this to happen in the
first place. Sam knew he’d never call
her stupid, but he'd probably get some kind of perverse pleasure out of doing
that to Jack. If all went well, he'd
eventually run out of steam, sit back and steeple his hands on his desk and
congratulate them, only then enquiring about exactly what it was they wanted
him to do.
That would be their cue to begin selling the whole
idea. They’d have to enthusiastically
win him over, or he’d never stick his neck out to the degree required to make
it all happen. Jack laughed at that
point, admitting that since she was a much better speaker and a good deal
prettier, he’d let her build their case with the General while he sat back, listening
and filling in as necessary.
She’d start by pointing out that the professionalism
and devotion to duty they’d always demonstrated should speak for itself. Then, she’d tick off a few particularly
cogent facts like how she was supposed to be the preeminent expert on Stargate
and off world technology, and how Jack was ‘special’ and the personal favorite
of the Asgard. Together, and with the rest of SG-1’s help,
they’d saved them from the replicators on two
separate occasions, as well as Earth once.
They’d also remind him of how SG-1 had been responsible for saving the
world at least three other times over the years. Then, they'd remind the General that the
President had promised them on several occasions that if there was ever
anything he could do for them, to just ask.
At that point, Jack admitted he hadn’t quite figured
out how to best go about requesting what they really wanted. All he could think of was for her to be
brutally honest, pointing out they’d both made selfless sacrifices time and
time again, giving of themselves without complaint, never once asking for
anything in return. But the difference
between them and most other career officers was that they’d proven themselves
to be the very best of the best, as evidenced by their record of extraordinary
accomplishments. The fact of the matter
was that they couldn’t be expected to keep risking their lives and sacrificing
their own happiness indefinitely.
In spite of their best efforts to the contrary, they
couldn’t ignore their feelings for each other any longer. Even so, there’d never been any question of
either one being able to make the hard choice concerning the other, which was something
they'd been forced to demonstrate several times, both on and off world. That should be ample proof that their
clandestine relationship hadn’t made a difference in the performance of their
duties up to now. So why couldn’t the frat regs be waived
to allow them to officially be a couple?
It was a risky scheme, and even if didn't happen
fast enough to help the two of them, it just might catalyze an eventual
relaxation of the frat regs, at least whenever it
could be proven it wasn't detrimental to the needs of the service. That would probably help hundreds of other
couples out there struggling under the same inflexible rules. Of course, if the waiver was granted, she and
Jack would be free to get married and start their family without any fear of
retribution, plus, and it was a really big one, their respective careers would
survive intact. They could remain fully
engaged in the Stargate program, or make any changes they decided on. But they both realized that everything
depended entirely on the reactions of General Hammond and the President.
Reluctantly reining her thoughts back in to the
briefing, Sam listened intently. Eventually
convinced that she wasn't missing anything relevant or that she'd not heard
before, she directed her full attention back to the General, who was only now
beginning to discuss the specifics of their newly approved mission to meet with
the Asgard and Piraxan
representatives.
Jack paused to glance over in Sam’s direction long
enough to ascertain that she’d returned from whatever mental journey she’d been
on the past few minutes. Smiling
broadly, he flipped to the next page in his notes and continued on. “I’ll be assuming temporary command of SG-1
for the duration of the mission. We'll
leave by Stargate tomorrow morning at 0830 for a heretofore unexplored planet
just designated as PR7117, which I’m told has the Asgard
name of ‘Rampani’.
It’s a forest world, surprise, surprise, surprise, where we’ll be beamed
aboard the Asgard vessel ‘
Now, they did accede to our demand to come fully
armed, consistent with standard operating procedure, although Thor assures me
it isn’t necessary since we'll be under his personal protectorate. You are to equip yourselves for a ten day
mission on a temperate, uninhabited, earth-sized planet that lo-and-behold, has
ninety-three percent forested land-mass.”
Stopping for a second to rub his eyebrow, he
searched back and forth through the sheaf of papers lying on the desk in front of
him before exclaiming, “Ah, here it is.
The name of the world in question, which incidentally doesn’t appear on
either the original Abydonian cartouche or the
additional list of Stargate destinations provided in my first little encounter
with the Ancient’s database is uh, ‘Sacuuraa’. That by the way, is a Piraxan
name, in case you’re interested, Daniel.”
Quickly looking around the room to each team member
in turn, O’Neill reassured himself he still had everyone’s undivided attention
before continuing. “We’ve been advised that
the purpose of this mission is largely one of discovery on the part of the Piraxan. It is
diplomatic in nature so everyone, and that includes yours truly, needs to be on
his or her best behavior. Now, as far as
the specifics of our purpose for meeting with them, I’m afraid I can’t shed too
much light on that.
We’ve been negotiating all the specifics with Thor,
who as I said earlier, is our liaison.
Needless to say, he’s been particularly vague about what we can expect
from these folks. He did say they want
to evaluate us to determine the advisability of establishing formal diplomatic
relations with our species, and that we should expect to be given several
individual and joint audiences where they will probably communicate telepathically. I’m told we’ll all be given a temporary,
mind-altering cocktail of drugs when we arrive to aid our more primitive minds
in communicating with them in that fashion.
Since we’ll also be able to communicate the same way privately or
corporately with each other, the injection will also contain a component
allowing us to block any mind, including that of the Piraxan,
from reading our own mind or communicating with us against our will.
Now, we have only his word for that, but I think if
there's anyone we can trust to be honest with us, it's Thor. So what it amounts to people is this: The
Joint Chiefs are concerned, to put it mildly, that information could be
extracted from our minds with or without our knowledge. But the President, along with General Hammond
and myself believe the potential gain of such a
powerful ally that could give us technology which could aid us down the road in
defending this planet far outweighs any downside risk. From what Thor told us, this race is hundreds
of years ahead of them technologically, and that means it’s doubtful any state
secrets we have could possibly interest or deter them in the slightest from
accomplishing whatever it is they set out to do. So there’s no point in worrying about
potentially compromising planetary security.
We stand to gain much more than we could lose.
As far as the whole telepathy thing is concerned, I
just want you all to know what to expect.
Thor says it’s not uncomfortable after a few minutes of getting used to
more than just your own thoughts rattling around in your head, and assures us
there are no long lasting effects. Your
privacy will always be assured from each other, as well as the Piraxan.
Incidentally, Thor will also be participating in the proceedings telepathically,
so that should prove interesting.
Well, let me stop at this point and ask if there are
any questions?” Jack had been standing
with one hand in his pocket while the other was wielding a laser pointer, which
he was using to tick off the pertinent facts from an outline displayed by
projector on a large wall screen.
Turning off the pointer, he moved over to his chair at the head of the
briefing room table and sat down, eyeing each person in turn. When he got to Sam, he cocked his head,
silently asking what she thought of his little presentation.
Correctly interpreting the gesture, Sam smiled back serenely,
hoping to indicate she was proud of him.
He’d been very concise, informative, and interesting, as well as
businesslike. Glancing over at the other
guys, she could see they were as excited as she to be afforded such an
opportunity to make history, not that they hadn't countless times before. Even if nothing came of their visit, they
stood to gain insights into how a race of beings thousands of years ahead of
their own thought and lived, to say nothing of probably being the first humans
in the universe to glimpse a species which could both change their shapes at
will and communicate solely by telepathic means. She was at once ecstatic, humbled, and eager
to get going on what quite possibly was the adventure of a lifetime. ‘And, that’s saying something for SG-1,’ she
reminded herself glibly.
Since the General had asked if there were any
questions and no one else spoke up, Sam took the opportunity to ask something
she'd been wondering. “Sir,
what about the Piraxan's physical appearance? What will they look like while we’re
there? Will we even be able to recognize
them?”
Jack considered the question a moment before finally
looking up and answering. “Thor said the
Piraxan asked that we not be told what to expect in
that respect; something about a test of sorts.
They want to see how we think and react to what we do or don’t
find. He said he honestly doesn’t know
the answer, but if we just keep an open mind and are patient, we’ll know when
the time comes.”
As Jack grew silent, Daniel piped up. “Jack, you said way back at the beginning that
they specified you were to come along, too.
Why was that? Do you suppose it
has something to do with the Ancient’s knowledge the Asgard
suppressed in your subconscious?”
“Whoa, I honestly don’t know the answer to that one
either, Daniel,” Jack replied. "Let's
just say I’ve got a gut feeling that there’s more to this mission than what
we’re being told, and it may well have something to do with that. While I don’t have any solid information, I
think, in fact I know, Thor is privy
to a lot more than what he’s shared with us, but he hasn’t said a word about
why they wanted me to tag along in the first place. I can assure you though, that I did ask him
that very same question, but he just said there were things he couldn’t reveal,
and asked me again to be patient. I
think it’s fair to say that we’ll have to wait for a definitive answer on that until
we actually meet the Piraxan.”
Having answered as best he could, he looked over at
Teal’c, who appeared his normal, stoic self, listening intently, but taking no
part in the discussion up to this point. "Teal'c, what about you, do you have any
questions or comments?”
“No, O’Neill, I believe your briefing has been quite
thorough, and I have nothing to add to the discussion. I look forward to embarking on this mission;
however, I am somewhat concerned that some information is apparently being
intentionally withheld,” he intoned somberly.
Daniel considered his friend’s words briefly before
asking, “So Teal’c, you think maybe there’s more to this mission than what
we’re being told? I mean, not that you
haven’t told us everything you know, Jack, but I was kind of left with that
same impression, like maybe we’re being told just enough to get us to come, but
the real reason we’re going is well…, maybe something else entirely.”
Sam looked up at Jack to gage his reaction as Teal’c
answered. “That is correct, Daniel
Jackson. But I do not feel this lack of
information is sufficient to endanger either the mission or ourselves. However, I look forward to ascertaining
whether that is, or is not, a valid assumption on my part.” With that, he grew silent, and everyone’s
attention immediately shifted back to Jack.
“Well, I don’t know about that,” he replied. “But I’ve learned to put a lot of stock in Teal'c's
intuitive feel for things, so all I can say is, we’ll go into this realizing that
it's at least a possibility that all is not as it seems. We need to keep our eyes and ears, as well as
our minds, open on this one.” Looking
around and seeing no further discussion forthcoming, he took a deep breath and
exhaled loudly before continuing. “Alright kids, looks like we have ourselves a
mission. I want everyone to be in here
by 0700 tomorrow morning all wide-eyed and bushy-tailed. Carter and Daniel, for you that means there
won’t be any late or all-nighters in your labs.
Do I make myself clear?” he asked with mock authority.
“Yes Sir.
Yeah, Jack,” they both answered in unison.
“Okay then, dismissed,” he ordered.
As Daniel and Teal’c filed past Jack heading for the
locker rooms, Sam held back, seeking a moment with him alone. “Sir, can I have a word with you in your
office?” she asked professionally.
Surprised by the request, Jack motioned for her to
enter, suddenly feeling his heart jump up into his throat. In his experience, being asked for a word in
your office for any reason wasn’t usually a good sign. For a split second, he wondered if maybe
she’d changed her mind about him and the plans they’d been making. Hoping it was just paranoia on his part, he solemnly followed her in and shut the door. “What is it, Carter?” he asked with
considerable trepidation.
Noting the mixture of fear and dread clouding his
expression, Sam quickly turned to put her back to the ever-vigilant security
camera mounted on the wall directly behind his desk. Fixing her sparkling azure eyes to his clear
chocolate ones, she felt the familiar leap of her heart in her chest. With considerable effort, she suppressed her
emotions and tried to just concentrate on what she’d come to say. Almost apologetically, she said, “Don’t
worry, Jack, nothing’s wrong. I just
wanted to tell you again how much I love you, because you never know whether
something might happen on this mission, and I'd never get another chance.”
Almost instantly, Jack’s concerned look evaporated
and was gradually replaced by one of deep and abiding love. Shivering at the thrill suddenly washing over
her, she could barely contain her excitement as she continued speaking. “I also want you to know that since we
finally let it out of the room I’ve been on cloud nine. Jack, I'm so happy that this past week has
almost seemed a dream, and we’re not even married yet. The only problem is that I want other things
so much. Things that we agreed to wait a
little longer to share. So I want you to
promise me it won't be too long after we get back." Mouthing a silent kiss, she waited patiently
for a response, mildly surprised that she wasn’t even the slightest bit ashamed
or embarrassed for having admitted her desire to his face.
Jack instantly relaxed as her loving words and adoring expression left absolutely no doubts about what her feelings really were. Clearly, his initial dread that she might be seeing things differently now that she’d had time to think about them some was unfounded. His heart swelled with emotion and anticipation of all the things to come, prompting a nearly overpowering urge to gather her in his arms and kiss her silly. Sighing in frustration, he realized that was totally out of the question here on base. ‘But off-base later is another matter entirely,’ he promised himself smugly.
The one consolation about their current situation was that the ever vigilant cameras only recorded video. Unless whoever it might be reviewing the tapes was fluent at lip reading, there was no danger of being brought up on charges because of anything they said. Determined to allay absolutely every fear and doubt she might have, Jack answered back with feeling. “Sam, I love you so much. You’ve become my whole world; surely you know that by now. As for being married, I promise that as soon as we get back we’ll make that a reality, one way or another.” With as much emphasis and emotion as he could express, he added, “And I want you, too. I’ve had so many cold showers lately that I’ve about forgotten what a hot one feels like,” he joked. As she responded instantly with one of her million-megawatt smiles, he could only think to add, “My place, 2000, okay?”
Her heart jumped again at his invitation. She wanted him to hold and kiss her right
now, but knew full well that wasn't possible.
Tonight would just have to be soon enough. She’d waited eight plus years; she could wait
a few hours more. “You’re on, Jack,” she
answered back happily, wagging her eyebrows seductively. As the warmest feeling she’d ever experienced
washed over her, she forced herself to concentrate on firing off a showy salute
she knew he’d get a kick out of. Without
looking back, she reopened the door and headed out into the hall. Turning right and heading down the corridor
towards her lab, she couldn’t help feeling more excited than she’d ever been in
her life.
Watching the pleasant swaying of her hips receding
into the distance, Jack took a deep, cleansing breath and thought, ‘Oh, Sam,
you are so going to be the death of
me!’ Without warning, a particularly
vivid mental picture of the two of them finally making love washed over him. “But oh, what a way to die,” he mumbled
aloud. As his soon to be real life
fantasy disappeared from view, he took another deep breath and resolved that
tonight they had to decide whether or not to ask General Hammond to speak to
the President. He was coming to the SGC
early the next morning to take command and see them off, so it provided the
perfect opportunity for them to meet, if they could muster the courage, that
is.
He'd been thinking about it almost constantly and had pretty much come to the conclusion that that’s what they needed to do. He was pretty sure Sam agreed; after all, the rewards certainly seemed to outweigh the risks. But he was still a little apprehensive about risking everything with no plan B. As if to emphasize that very point, an especially troubling thought suddenly crossed his mind. ‘George wouldn’t throw us both in the brig even before we leave on the mission, would he? Nah, probably not,’ he answered himself optimistically. 'And if the mission does turn out okay but they aren’t disposed to grant our request, hopefully everyone will be so grateful that they’ll just overlook the whole frat thing.' Snorting derisively at his own naivety, he spoke aloud, "Oh yeah, like that’s going to happen. But one can always dream, I suppose.”
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