Moving On

Title: Moving On

Author: Suz W.

Spoilers: After Covenant, Sacrifices, Endgame, and Gemini (episode tag)

Feedback: Always welcomed and gratefully appreciated!

Old Stories Referenced: None

Rating: PG, S/J Hurt/Comfort and Angst.

Summary: Trying to retain some semblance of a life, Jack finds a new light to move towards.

Disclaimer: All publicity recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, Sci-Fi Productions, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.

Copyright: The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Copyrighted on January 14, 2008 by Suzanne R. Whitmarsh.

Author’s Notes: This story follows “And So It Goes”. We’re edging closer and closer to that climatic point that I’ve been promising you, so even though this story won’t be “shippy” for Sam and Jack, please read it! Everything that’s been going on will all be tied together in a few stories, and all behaviors will make sense. I guess I’m trying to explain why the show did what it did, though it’s been tricky to figure out. But with my upcoming twist on things, I think/hope it will give you a new and better perspective on this darker time for Sam and Jack! Thanks for your continued support and I look forward to hearing your thoughts as we continue on this rollercoaster!

Dedication: This story is dedicated to Ann J. (“Crafty Lady”!). Thanks for all your amazing support and dedication to my ongoing series through the years. I can’t believe I’ve been writing it since August 2003, and you, along with many others, have stuck by me through thick and thin. Thank you for being such a great fan!

It was the first weekend in October, and the night had settled in crisp and cool. Though September had seen a few unexpected cold snaps, the approaching winter season was beginning to leave its tracing on the surrounding countryside, with bright copper, warm yellow, and dark red leaves hanging from some of the trees. Frosty mornings were beginning to become common place, where the tips of grass laden with frozen dew drops would sparkle in the early morning sunlight before the heated rays had a chance to melt everything frozen from the night before.

Jack loved this time of year. It gave him the opportunity to don his oversized flannel shirts and sweatpants, and it also allowed him the use of his fireplace. Upon that thought, Jack, who was in the kitchen making the final preparations to his popcorn and hot chocolate, looked into the living room and smiled as he eyed the roaring fire he had going. The orange and red flames danced happily as the light from it gave a soft glow to the room.

Setting everything on a tray, he picked it up and walked gingerly back into the living. Placing the tray on an end table, he spoke up. “Okay, one order of popcorn and hot chocolate…” Jack stopped mid-sentence. Looking down at the couch, he found that during his prepping, Kerry had fallen asleep. She looked peaceful and content, with her head resting on top of one arm that she had folded underneath it. Her chestnut brown hair spilled down her back in soft curls as her chest slowly rose and fell in time to her easy breathing.

Jack watched her for a moment as she slept. She was pretty and definitely a refreshing change for his life. But despite how much he’d come to like her, in his heart he knew he would never feel the same things he’d felt when he was with Sam. She had been the brightest star of his life besides Charlie, and now they were both gone.

Moving over to one of the windows that overlooked his backyard, Jack ran a hand through his hair, frustration running through his veins once more. How had he gotten here? Though he’d asked himself that same question more times than he could count, a clear answer had never come. So he’d been left to wallow in self-pity, seeing nothing left for his life.

Looking back at Kerry, he smiled slightly. She had been an unexpected but pleasant interruption to his now miserable life. Jack knew that if he analyzed his actions deep enough, he would find that what had driven him to Kerry was sheer and utter loneliness. Thinking back a few weeks, he watched in his mind’s eye as the scenes replayed themselves at where their new relationship had gone one step further…

Jack took in a cleansing breath as he swiped his access card at the elevator and punched the button to go up. He was looking forward to getting off the base for a few days. Ever since Sam’s engagement, nothing had been the same between them. Any interaction they’d had with each other felt awkward and course, and the only time she seemed more like her normal self was when Pete was buried in casework back in Denver…not affording him the opportunity to call her fifty times a day. Luckily, the past few days had been better, and their interactions with each other easier. But Sam had spent most of her time trying to help Alec Colson, so he had hardly seen her.

He had considered several times during her times of reprieve from Pete confronting her about her decision to marry him. It had been so uncharacteristic of her and despite the fact that she hardly knew him, Jack didn’t trust him at all. He sensed that Pete had a darker side to him, one that Sam had yet to see, and it scared him. He knew that he would never stop loving her, despite all that had happened, and it was because of that love that he had become so concerned.

But just as he would get the courage up to confront her, something would happen that put what he had to say on hold, so it had never been said. It was one of many frustrations that he was coming to learn how to live with, and it was another fault he conveniently blamed on Pete. Closing his eyes and shaking his head, he heard the elevator doors open and he stepped inside. Leaning back against the wall, he found a comfortable position and waited for the car to begin making its way to the surface.

After only going a few floors, the car stopped and the doors opened. On the other side stood Sam; they both seemed frozen in time for a moment looking at each other until an airman approached and boarded the elevator. Clearing his throat, Jack spoke up. “Coming, Carter?”

Sam blinked and gave him a quick smile. “Yes, Sir.” As she got on and the doors closed, the silence inside the elevator as it ascended was deafening. The pace seemed slower than a turtle, and Jack thought he was going to go out of his mind by the time they finally reached the surface. As the doors opened, Sam and Jack got off first while the airman stood silently at attention for them to pass.

After signing out of the base, they both headed into the midday sun, which was bright and warm. But Jack finally couldn’t stand it any longer. Reaching out, he placed a hand on Sam’s arm. “Hang on, Carter.”

Sam stopped and looked at him. “Sir?”

Jack looked around briefly to make sure no one was in ear shot before continuing. “We have to find a way around what’s been going on between us. I’m not going to stand by and pretend that I’m happy at all about the fact that you’re now engaged to Pete, but I don’t want our working relationship to suffer.”

Sam crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t want that either, Jack, but I don’t really see how we’re going to get past the tension. I know I’ve hurt you badly…you don’t know how much I regret that.”

Just then some personnel exited the base. With a nod of his head, they continued moving forward towards her car. Walking in silence, Jack had time to think for a moment on what she had just said. Reaching her car, Sam turned and looked at him once more. “If there was anything I could do to make it better…”

“Have lunch with me…today…now.” Jack’s words came so fast it even surprised him. Taking his new found momentum, he continued before she had a chance to respond. “Give me a chance…please, Sam. You can’t marry him…I know you don’t love him like you love me. You can’t hide that.”

Sam’s eyes began to well with tears. “Please don’t do this. The choice has been made. I…” Just then a car pulled up and stopped in front of them. Within the blink of an eye, Pete popped out of the driver’s seat, with a huge bouquet of flowers in one hand and a wide smile on his face.

“Hey, beautiful!” Pete moved around the car and Sam discreetly wiped at her eyes. Before she even had a chance to say anything, Pete swept her into his arms, stepping in front of Jack to do so, and captured her lips in a long, drawn out kiss. Looking away because he suddenly felt sick to his stomach, Jack finally had to loudly clear his throat to get the monster to release her from his death grip.

Sam, very flushed and obviously embarrassed, took a step back. “Pete, what are you doing here?”

Pete, obviously oblivious to her feelings or Jack’s presence, answered her. “We solved our case! Isn’t that great! Now I’ve got three wonderful days to spend just with you.” Holding out the flowers to her, he went on. “I can’t wait to get you alone.”

“Pete!” Sam indicated with her eyes Jack standing behind them.

Pete turned around and gave Jack a quick nod. “Oh, hey General…didn’t see you there.”

All Jack wanted to do was pummel the guy into the ground. The fact that he was lying right to his face and in front of Sam did nothing but confirm his suspicions about the guy. Being as sarcastic as possible, he responded. “Gee, Pete, I’m surprised you didn’t considering you almost ran over us!”

Pete brushed off his comment. “Oh…yeah, sorry about that.” Looking back at Sam, he continued. “I guess in my haste to get to my fiancée I failed to see you. But since you’re here…and you’re the boss man, how about giving Sam a few extra days off?”

Sam started to protest. “Pete, I can handle that myself…”

Pete simply silenced her with a kiss. “You work too hard…I’m sure General O’Neill can do without you for a few days. Besides, we’ve got a lot of wedding plans to go over and we still need to start shopping for houses.”

Jack couldn’t take it anymore. “Do whatever you want, Carter. I’m going to get going.” Not waiting for a response, he moved off without looking back. If he knew anything about Sam, he imagined she was going to give him a good tongue lashing for that behavior and he wanted to give her every opportunity to do it. Reaching his truck, he unlocked it and quickly climbed in, shutting the door. Not wanting to miss the fireworks, even if he couldn’t hear what they were saying, Jack was happy to see that his truck was in the perfect position for a Birdseye view.

But to his great surprise and complete disappointment, when he looked back at them, instead of finding them in the middle of an argument, he discovered them in an embrace. After a moment, Sam pulled back, gazed into his eyes, smiled and then kissed him. With his hands glued to the steering wheel, Jack could feel his grip tightening with every second until he was sure he was going to break the steering wheel in half. Forcing himself to sit back, he closed his eyes, trying to wipe the fresh image from his mind.

But opening his eyes a minute later, he discovered that they had gotten into Pete’s car and left, leaving her car behind. Feeling nauseous and out of sorts, Jack was just about to reach for his keys to turn the truck on when he stopped mid-motion. He didn’t know what to do….where to go…all he knew was that he couldn’t risk running into them again. If he did, he would surely go insane.

But then a sudden idea surged through his body, and without wasting another moment, he jumped out of his truck and practically ran back to his office as fast as he could without attracting too much attention.

“Come in.” Kerry looked up from the notes on her desk after the knock came at her door. When she did, she suddenly found herself looking back at the man she’d been thinking way too much about. General Jack O’Neill, dressed in jeans, a black sweater, and a light brown waist-length coat walked casually into her office. With a light smile on his face that only highlighted his handsome facial features, Kerry found herself smiling back as she stood up.

“General O’Neill. This is an unexpected surprise.” Her voice seemed to be suddenly higher pitched as she spoke.

Jack, who had stopped in front of her desk, nodded. “A pleasant one I hope.”

It took Kerry a moment to catch on. “Um…yes of course! Sorry, it’s been a long day.” Pausing for a moment, they looked into each other’s eyes before she finally shook her head slightly and continued. “So…what brings you to my neck of the woods?”

Jack reached inside his coat and pulled out a report a few inches thick. Handing it too her, he responded. “My report on our latest interactions with The Trust…I’m assuming you heard about them?”

Kerry took a moment to leaf through the typed pages and then looked up at him. “Of course…but you didn’t have to bring this to me. I was actually just getting things in order here so I could head your direction in a few days.”

“Oh?”

Kerry nodded. “The President is very concerned about the latest activities and behaviors the group has been involved in, and he feels they’re now a major threat to our relations with other worlds.”

Jack stuffed his hands into his pockets. “We do agree on that point.”

“At any rate,” she said, “he wants me to do some much deeper investigating that will require my presence at the SGC for an extended period of time. The White House was supposed to have sent you a memo on it.”

Jack smiled. “I have a bad tendency of not reading those.”

Kerry returned his smile. “Well, since you came all the way here, and it is the dinner hour, maybe I could take you to dinner for your troubles?”

Jack thought for a moment on what he was doing and then responded. “I’d like that…but I’m buying. You got the last round.”

Kerry took her jacket off the back of her chair and put it on. “Hey, I’m not one to argue with that.” Picking up her keys and turning off her desk lamp, she nodded in the direction of the door. “If you’re ready to go, I know this great little bistro down the street.”

Jack smiled. “Lead the way.”

Three hours later, they arrived at the doorstep of Kerry’s townhouse. With a chilly but cloudless and wind still night overhead, they had opted to take alternate modes of transportation…from the subway, to the T-rail, to an occasional taxi. After a quiet and intimate dinner at the bistro, the evening unexpectedly continued when Kerry spontaneously took Jack on a tour of Washington D.C., one that only locals who lived there on a regular basis would know about. Quiet parks with overviews of the surrounding area, where one could get the best vantage point of the city at night as it sparkled; a fun café that served amazing desserts and rich coffees; and even a local pool hall where Kerry quickly and efficiently beat Jack at several games.

With the taxi waiting on a running meter, Jack nodded up at her townhouse. “So this is home?”

Kerry smiled. “Yep…it’s not exactly a house, but it works for what I need. Do you want to come in for a bit? I could call you another taxi.”

Jack could hardly resist the hopeful look in her eyes and the temptation that was biting at his heels. Going inside could be harmless…but it could also lead to other things, and Jack wasn’t sure if he was ready to face that possibility yet. Giving her a small smile, he responded. “Maybe next time…I’ve got to get back to the base. I promised the pilot that I’d have him home by midnight, and at this rate, we’ll be doing good to land in Colorado Springs by then.”

Kerry tried to hide her sudden disappointment. “Well,” she said softly, “it’s been another wonderful evening.”

Jack eyed her carefully. “It has been.” Not knowing what else to say, he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you in a few days.”

Kerry nodded. “Yeah.” Turning, she started to walk away but then stopped and moved back, this time stepping in closer to Jack. Looking up into his face, she hesitated for a moment before continuing. “Look, this may be really bold and out of line, and if I’m reading too much into this, just tell me…but…I get the feeling there’s a connection between us…and I’ll be the first to admit that even though I know it’s probably wrong, I’ve been thinking about you…more than I probably should be.”

She half expected him to step back and bolt right then, but when he stood his ground and continued to meet her gaze, she surprised herself by slowly reaching up and touching his cheek. When her touch registered on his skin, she noticed that something in his eyes changed, as if a wall was suddenly put up, keeping her from reading what was in them. But instead of retracting her hand, she instead elevated onto her toes, and in a slow, uncertain motion, leaned in and kissed him.

Jack wasn’t sure what was happening at first. His body felt the warmth of her lips on his, and though it felt nice, her kiss evoked none of the feeling that would surge through his body when Sam had touched him, let alone kissed him. But as the kiss continued, his body responded in kind, and finally after about a minute, their lips broke and they came face to face with each other once again.

Kerry’s cheeks were flushed in a light pink. “Sorry.”

Jack took one hand and put it under her chin, tilting her face towards him. “What are you apologizing for?”

Kerry gave him a small, nervous smile. “This wasn’t exactly what you came down to Washington for.”

Jack answered back quietly. “Maybe…maybe not.” Taking a breath, he went on. “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you tonight…maybe I want to know a little more.”

Kerry gave him a surprised look. “Really? But what about my assignment…with us working together…”

Jack stopped her. “That won’t be a problem. We just need to make an agreement that no matter how far we let this go, it won’t affect the job.”

Kerry thought for a moment and then nodded slowly. “Alright, General, I’m willing to try that…because I really want this assignment, and I don’t want to have to choose between you and it. I like you, but this case will hopefully accelerate my career…that is if we can put an end to the Trust’s dealings.”

Jack looked at her before going on. “Well, I hope you don’t mind…but I really don’t want anyone to know about us at the SGC. It’s…complicated.”

Kerry replied promptly. “No problem. That will make it easier.”

Jack gave her a smile and then drew her into his arms for an embrace. Closing his eyes for a moment, he tried to comprehend what was happening…what he had just done. In the bottom on his soul, he felt like he was betraying Sam and hurting her deeply. Something didn’t feel right, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Chalking it up to his non-acceptance of her relationship with Pete, Jack tried to pull himself together as Kerry pulled back and looked up at him.

But it was too late. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Jack shook his head. “Nothing…sorry, it’s just been a long day.”

Kerry watched him for a moment. “We don’t have to cross this line, Jack. After all, we just met, and forgive me, but it seems like you’ve been hurt pretty badly by someone.”

Jack’s answer to her was a kiss. Intensified more than the last, Kerry was a little breathless when he released her. “Okay…maybe I’m wrong.” Smiling at him, she stepped back and took his hand. “I’d better let you go or we might get you in trouble with that pilot of yours. I’ll see you in a few days.”

Jack squeezed her hand and then released it. “Sounds good.” Watching her as she walked up to her front door, she turned and gave him one more quick look, waved, and then disappeared into her townhouse. Climbing back into the taxi, he gave the driver instructions to take him to the airport and then sat back, releasing a shaky breath. As the taxi pulled away, he looked out of the window, lost in thought and numb in feeling.

Jack continued to stand next to the window in his living room, looking out over his backyard that was cloaked in total darkness. It had been almost a month now since he had started seeing Kerry. At first, their relationship had been quite casual, more friend-like than a couple that was dating. But as the weeks had drawn on and Kerry’s visits to the SGC had become more frequent, they had taken their mutual interests one step further. Focused now more on each other than what the surrounding community had to offer, most of their time had been spent at Jack’s house; quiet, intimate dinners for two, movies by the dozen, and long conversations.

Jack had made it clear that he didn’t want anyone at the SGC to know about them because of her investigation…he knew that it would compromise what she was trying to accomplish and probably influence the outcome. So any outings that they had made together around town had always been on a casual basis. But it was at his house where they were able to relax and truly get to know one another.

And Jack was enjoying getting to know her. His evenings, at least when she was in town, had been a lot less lonely since they had started seeing each other. And though Jack was growing fond of her and found that he shared a lot of the same interests with her, the only thing that was familiar to him from his now past relationship with Sam was the secrecy. It was now like second nature to him, and though he had given her the reasonable excuse for why he didn’t want anyone to know about them, deep down Jack knew it had everything to do with Sam.

His interactions with Sam had been normal at the base, but that was all the time he was afforded. Her personal time was now spent planning for her wedding, and since it was a topic that he abhorred, his conversations with her had been strictly business.

But on the inside, Jack knew he was dying a little more every day. All Kerry was doing was helping him to survive a little longer. His thoughts and dreams were still consumed by Sam, and he had no desire to change that. He knew that his heart was now permanently broken, and he never wanted to try and piece it together again. His fear now ran too deep.

And Jack also knew that it was that same fear that was keeping him from crossing the ultimate line with Kerry. He had yet to offer his bed to her, and he didn’t know when or if he ever would. She seemed understanding and patient enough with him, and since he had offered her no information about who had hurt him so deeply, he felt he would never have too.

As he stood there, Kerry’s voice suddenly sounded behind him. “Is there something interesting outside?”

Jack jumped slightly and then turned around to face her, forcing a small smile to form on his lips. “Nope, just letting you sleep.”

Kerry yawned spontaneously. “Yeah, well you should have woken me up. I’m not exactly a fun house guest if you just watch me sleep.”

Jack eyed the hot chocolate and popcorn. “Well, if you’re still up for the rest of the movie, I can reheat the drinks.”

Kerry moved forward and put her arms around him as she looked up at him through sleepy eyes. “How about a raincheck? I’ve got an early start to my day tomorrow…I’m due back in Washington for a few days for another series of meetings.”

“Ah,” Jack said. “Sounds just like something I don’t want to do.”

Kerry laughed. “As Brigadier General of a top secret base, I think you’d be used to them by now.”

Jack gave her a quick kiss. “Never! That is one thing you won’t find me at willingly.”

Kerry gave him a smile and then released him. “Well, I’d better go. We can finish up our movie when I get back.”

Jack nodded. “Sounds good. I’ll walk you out.” Walking with her to the front door, he helped her with her coat. “Have a safe flight.”

Kerry pulled her hair out from underneath her coat and let it fall down her back. “I will. I’ll call you tomorrow night.” Giving him a kiss that lingered for a moment, she opened the door and moved down the stairs that connected his porch to the walkway. Jack watched as she got into her rental car and then waved as she drove away.

Shutting the door, he suddenly found himself very weary. Not even caring to clean up the kitchen or the living room, he turned off the T.V., flipped off the lights, and then made his way back to the bedroom. Within ten minutes he was in bed, nestled under a mound of covers as his eyes closed. He knew that trying to act happy with Kerry was what was making him so tired, at least emotionally, but he also knew it was what was keeping him sane. Allowing sleep to capture his thoughts, he drifted off and began to dream…

Jack opened up his eyes but could see nothing. Everything around him was cloaked in total darkness. Trying to move forward, he took a few steps but hit a wall. Turning to his right, he then moved in that direction, feeling his way with his hands, but once again after only a few steps met a barrier.

“Hello? Is anyone there?” Jack’s voice echoed in his ears, its volume so intense he had to cover them until the ringing stopped. Beginning to panic, he turned again and tried to pierce the blackness with his eyes, but found no object on which to focus. Moving forward, he managed to make a little progress before his feet suddenly began to sink into a soft, sticky substance.

“What the hell?” Trying to pull his feet up, he found that they wouldn’t budge. Standing there, he tried to focus his breathing and keep his heart rate from accelerating too much. But after another minute of trying to find a way to free himself unsuccessfully, he suddenly felt his body begin to sink further into the muck that he was stuck in.

Now beginning to truly panic, he yelled out. “Hey! I could use a little help here! Anyone?” But when no one came and he continued to sink further and at a faster rate, Jack started grasping at anything he could, but only met air. “Oh crap!” As time ticked on, his body sank further and further until only his hands and head were still above it. His breathing became harder as the substance began to compress his chest and his head began to spin. But as he continued to fight, the life without Sam that he’d been recently living began flashing through his mind, and his will to survive suddenly diminished. With his mind spinning, a kaleidoscope of images suddenly and rapidly lit the darkness, and he found himself staring into events from his past that had defined who he was and what had been important to him.

As memories of Sam spun around him, the pain in his heart increased at how much he’d lost. Closing his eyes, he tried to block them out as he sank further into nothingness. The muck was now covering his mouth and it was all he could do to keep breathing in what little oxygen there seemed to be through his nose.

But as the last moments of his life seemed to be upon him, a voice from out of the darkness softly reached his hearing. “Jack…Jack…don’t give in.” Jack opened his eyes and found that the brightly colored memories had ceased to be, and once again, he was left in total darkness. But the voice remained. “Jack, please hear me.”

Jack tried to focus. It sounded like Sam’s voice. Unable to move, he looked around with his eyes but found nothing. “I need you, Jack…please don’t give up on me.” Her voice was now echoing through his brain, and within it he could not only hear but feel the truth and desperation that her voice held. With a surge of strength, he managed to pull his head up and found that his hands and arms were suddenly free again.

Reaching out, he at first met with nothing, but then out of the blue, a soft hand reached out and took his, grasping it firmly. At that touch, the substance that had been holding him completely dropped away, and in the blink of an eye, he was spun into another realm, one in which nothing existed except for himself and Sam.

Jack had to blink just to make sure what he was looking at was real…or at least as real as the dream would allow. “Sam. Where are we? What is this place?”

Sam shook her head. “I don’t have much time. I just had to see you…to tell you how much I love you and to not give up on me.”

Jack reached out and placed a hand lightly on one of her cheeks as his thumb wiped away a silvery tear. “I love you too…so much. I just don’t understand why if you love me you are choosing to do what you’re doing.”

Sam’s face suddenly contorted in pain. Jack took hold of her shoulders. “What’s wrong…Sam…can you hear me?!” As he continued to watch her, her body began to shutter and her eyes grew huge as she shook her head.

Her voice was full of fear. “Jack, I have to tell you something…I’m not….” She suddenly screamed and then was violently pulled away from him.

Jack reached out. “NO! Sam!! Where are you?!!” But the realm had gone black again and he was all alone. An eerie silence crept over him along with an aching cold that chilled him to his bones. And then he heard it, faint but there…her voice once again from an endless black abyss.

“Jack, please help me! I need you…I can’t hold on much longer!”

Jack could feel his heart beating wildly as his mind began spinning once again. But this time, the floor beneath his feet suddenly dropped away, and his body began a wild freefall as he screamed out her name. “SAM!!!”

Jack bolted upright in bed, his whole body shaking. The sheets around him were soaked with his sweat, and his head felt like it had been hit over and over again with a very thick brick. His heart rate was still out of control and he had to brace himself against the headboard to catch his breath. No nightmare had ever been so intense or real for him in his whole life, but what scared him more about it than anything was that he was able to remember ever detail of it in startling clarity, along with the desperate tones of Sam’s voice.

Not knowing what else to do, he clicked on his bedside lamp and reached for the phone. After dialing the number, he waited while it rang on the other end three times before it was finally answered. “Hello?” A sleepy voice answered the phone.

Jack hesitated before speaking. “Sam, it’s me.”

Sam woke up a little more. “Sir? Is something wrong?”

The ‘Sir’ bit a little, but he knew that he’d been the cause of that. “No…yes…I don’t really know.” Pausing for a moment, he continued. “I guess I just needed to hear your voice.”

He could tell that Sam wasn’t sure what to say. “Okay.”

Jack went on. “Are you alone?” He knew that he had no right to ask the question, but he did anyway.

Sam took a moment before answering. “Yes. Jack, what’s wrong?”

Jack shook his head, wiping his brow with the back of his hand. “I don’t know…I just needed to make sure you were okay.” Already feeling foolish for calling, he decided he might as well tell her the whole truth. “I had a dream.”

Sam replied softly. “What was it about?”

Jack took in a shaky breath. “You…you needed help. I don’t know where we were…it was dark…basically everywhere. I was sinking and you saved me. But you needed help…I could see it in your eyes. There was pain all around you. But then you were ripped away and I couldn’t find you anymore.”

For a moment Sam didn’t say anything. But when she finally did, her voice seemed somehow distant. “Jack, it was just a dream. I’m fine. Look, I know that things have been strained between us, and I know that’s my fault. But please believe me when I tell you that I’m happy and I’m okay. It’s you I’m worried about.”

Jack suddenly felt like a fool for calling. “There’s no need to worry…I’m fine. I guess it was just a nightmare. Get some sleep. I’ll see you in a few days.” Hanging up the receiver quietly, he sat there for a moment before getting up and moving through his house and out onto his deck.

The cold air was a sharp contrast to his elevated body temperature, and the shock was a welcomed relief. Leaning on the rail, he hung his head for a moment before looking up at the sky. A paper thin moon sat low on the horizon, making a slim cut in the black fabric that coated the sky. Stars dusted the expanse, and as Jack searched their patterns, he once again failed to find Charlie’s star.

No matter what Sam had told him, something was wrong. He could feel it in his soul, and be it silly or not, the strange and constant absence of Charlie’s star in the night sky confirmed it. But until she opened up to him, he had no choice but to sit back and hope that at one point she would, or that fate would intervene and show him what he was not seeing.

Not knowing what else to do, the cold air finally drove Jack back inside. Now wide awake and not having any desire to sleep, he pulled out a beer from the refrigerator and sat down on his couch in the living room. Clicking on the television, he surfed the channels until he found a mindless infomercial.

As the images flashed before his eyes, Jack did the best he could to drown out any thought of the dream. But after a while, he gave up and just let the memory come. And each time he did, her desperate voice cut a little deeper into his heart…and left him feeling more helpless than he ever had before.

And in the darkness she cried…allowing in the hopelessness that she had been trying so hard to hold back. With her future nestled in the bleak darkness, she closed her eyes and tried once again to focus on Jack’s face…the only source of light left for her to draw strength from…and even it was beginning to fade away.

Next Story---> "Discovery in Truth"

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