Memories
Title: Memories
Author: Suz W.
Spoilers: After
Resurrection, Inauguration, and Lost City (episode tag)
Feedback: If you would be so kind!
Old Stories Referenced: “An
Evening In The Park”, “As
Fate Would Have It”, “Tis’
The Season”, “Touching Destiny”,
“Heartstrings”, “Reflections
of the Heart”, “The Ties
That Bind”, “Moments Shared”,
and “Taking Time For Love”.
Rating: R, S/J Friendship,
Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sexual Situations, and Angst.
Summary: With
Jack in stasis, Sam finds her mind reliving moments shared between herself and
Jack, and she begins to find herself questioning her current choices.
Disclaimer: All
publicity recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, Sci-Fi
Productions, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for
entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or
trademarks was intended.
Copyright: The
original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Copyrighted on October 10, 2007, by Suzanne
R. Whitmarsh.
Author’s Notes: This story follows
“Holding On”.
Since I’m unable to give you the “shippy” stories you’re so longing
for, I’m going to give you this story as a little bit a relief from the current
angst, which will continue to encompass more stories to come.
All I can do is ask your continued patience and understand…I promise
if you stick with me you won’t be disappointed.
And as always, I’d love to hear from each of you!
You’re feedback is so crucial to my continued motivation in keeping
these stories moving…so keep it coming and hopefully we’ll get through the
Pete era that much faster!
Dedication: This story is dedicated to Trisha! Happy early birthday my dear friend! I hope this New Year for you will find all
your hopes and dreams fulfilled. Thanks
for your constant friendship and support!
The air was crisp and fresh, filling her nostrils as it swirled inside her head. Sam looked around and saw a marvelous scene before her: a bright sunny day, a crystal-clear sapphire sky, trees dotting the mountainside in various shades of light and dark green hues, birds chirping happily from their branches, and mountain peaks that seemed to touch the stratosphere. Everything seemed to be accentuated, making her feel like she was seeing things for the very first time.
She was standing near the edge of a mountainside, the gravel from the roadway crunching under her feet as she stepped near its edge. Looking over, her eyes gazed down over the valley below, where the town of Colorado Springs could be seen nestled comfortably between the trees and the mountains from which they grew on. Everything looked amazingly peaceful and quiet, with only a light breeze to serenade her in breathless whispers.
As she stood there, a pair of arms suddenly encompassed her waist, pulling her gently against whomever they belonged to. And then a voice lighted the air, and the mystery of the stranger was no more. “Beautiful day, beautiful girl…a guy couldn’t ask for more.” Pete’s voice sounded strange against her ears, as if she was hearing it for the first time.
Smiling to herself, she turned around and faced him, meeting his eyes as she did. “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming for our little outing…nice of you to show up.”
Pete grinned. “Hey…I may be a busy guy, but no amount of workload could make me forget you. I just got caught in the Friday, the weekend-is-finally-here traffic. Apparently everyone from Denver was headed to the mountains.”
Sam smiled. “Well, you’re here now and that’s all that matters.” Moving towards him, she closed her eyes as they came together for a heartfelt kiss. At first his lips felt like she’d expected, and his kiss was traceable, but then something changed. The intensity was different, the pressure softer yet more passionate. She suddenly felt as if she could melt right there on the spot. It was a kiss that she knew, yet couldn’t place, so after another moment, she pulled back and opened her eyes, curious to see what had made the difference in Pete’s kiss.
When she did, she suddenly understood what or rather who had made the difference. Instead of Pete looking back at her, she now found herself cradled securely in Jack O’Neill’s arms, his chocolate eyes searching hers with an intensity almost too much to take.
“Jack!” The surprise was evident in her voice as she looked around briefly for Pete. “How did you…where’s Pete?”
Jack just put his right index finger up to her lips and smiled. “How about we not talk about the guy who’s stealing you away from me? He’s had his shot at kissing you, and now it’s my turn. It’s only a fair trade off.”
Sam shook her head. “But how did you find me?”
Jack pulled her closer and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. “I’ll always find you…after all, you’re the other half of my heart. I’m naturally drawn to you…or I guess you can say my soul is.”
Sam could feel tears forming in her eyes. “Jack, we can’t…please understand…” But before she could protest anymore, Jack’s lips captured hers in a devouring kiss. Taking in the taste of his lips, his tongue, his breath, Sam couldn’t think…she could only feel. And so she responded in earnest, loving how his hands explored her body as he kissed her ravenously.
“Sam…Sam…” Sam mouthed a silent protest against his lips to the sound, but as her name was repeated over and over from somewhere beside her, she pulled back and looked over. It was Pete, staring at her as if she’d just shot him. Not sure of what her next move should be, she attempted one last sympathetic squeeze on Jack’s arms, but then suddenly realized she was only squeezing air. Quickly looking over, she discovered he wasn’t holding her anymore.
Panicked by the confusion running through her mind, she looked back over at Pete, only to find him facing off with Jack. Before she could say anything, Jack’s words filled the air around her, his voice full of anger. “You don’t deserve her…she’s not yours to love.”
Pete responded in kind. “I’d have to say the same thing about you, Colonel. Maybe I need to pay a visit to your superiors to let them in on a little secret that apparently the two of you have been harboring!” They were face to face, rudiments of hatred flowing from their eyes. Fists were balled, arms ready, waiting for the first one to strike. “Sam’s chosen me, Jack, so back off!”
Sam moved forward, her voice sounding small against the dark tones emitting from each of the men. “Jack, Pete, please…” But before she even had a chance to finish, Pete’s arm moved in lightning speed, delivering a punch to Jack’s jaw that sent him sprawling.
Jack was only stunned for a second, quickly rolling back into a crouched position, defenses up. “Son of a bitch!” Lunging forward, he tackled Pete like a hungry tiger, knocking him off his feet. They rolled a few inches before Jack began to pummel Pete’s face. Pete’s hands found Jack’s throat and chest and began blinding pushing back, hoping to throw his attacker off.
Sam screamed at both of them. “Stop it, both of you! Jack…Pete…please stop!” Moving forward, she tried to pull Jack off of Pete, but the force of their maneuvers pushed her back, knocking her off balance. Hitting the ground, she sat up as quickly as she could, determined to stop them.
But as she did, she watched helplessly as Pete, who was back on his feet, lunged at Jack, who was still trying to get up. Impacting each other once again, they rolled only a foot before their bodies reached the edge of the cliff. Realizing too late their position, both men released the hold they had on each other and instead grasped for anything to keep themselves from falling. But nothing was there to save them except dirt and air as they both dropped over the edge and disappeared from sight.
Sam screamed and ran forward, stopping at the edge as her heart raced uncontrollably. She was terrified to look down, scared that she’d find both men splattered on the rocks below, their broken bodies displayed in twisted bone, muscle and blood. But instead her eyes met both of their faces. They were hanging onto the side of the mountain by the ends of their fingertips, using as much strength as they had to hold on. Both were barely within her reach, but time was running out, and every instinct within in was telling her she couldn’t save them both.
She searched Jack’s face and then her eyes found Pete’s. Both of them were pleading with her, their voices strained from the energy being expended just to hold on. “Sam,” Jack’s voice urged, “make your choice or lose us both. You can only have one of us.” And then in another vented breath, “remember I love you!”
Pete’s voice reached her ears next. “You know you can’t be with him, Sam. In your heart you know why. Pick me…let me show you that I can love you just as much as he can. It’s the only way you’ll ever be happy.” Pete slipped a little more, his body shaking as he tried to recapture his grip. “Please, Sam!”
Sam wanted to shut her eyes; she wanted to run away from a situation she had never intended to start. But it was too late to run, too late to turn the clock back and pretend she hadn’t created such a heart-wrenching situation. Taking in a steadying breath, she got down on her hands and knees and gripped the side of the mountain with her left hand, extending out her right. First towards Jack, then towards Pete, then back again. She didn’t know…didn’t want to make the choice.
Looking at Jack, she knew what she wanted, but she also knew what she couldn’t have, and in that split second, she moved her hand closer to Pete and then watched in horror as Jack, with eyes that spilled out emotional regret and pain, gave her a thin, sad smile…and let go.
“No!! Jack, I love you…Jack!!!” Sam bolted upright in bed, a terrified scream filling her throat and then the room around her. As her scream subsided, her whole body shook uncontrollably. Bringing her legs up against her chest, she rocked back and forth in bed, hugging her legs as tightly as she could for some kind of grip on reality.
Tear tracks marked her cheeks as sweat dripped slowly down the temples of her forehead. Taking both her hands, she ran them over her face and through her hair. Her sheets were crumpled and damp from the nightmare; from the exhaustion coursing through her body, it was hard to tell how long she had been enduring it.
Looking over at the clock on her bedside table, the digital display read out 0230 hours. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she gripped the edge of her mattress firmly and took in a deep, cleansing breath. The nightmares had been becoming more frequent, especially now that Jack was stuck in stasis in Antarctica at what Daniel presumed to be an outpost for the legendary and lost city of Atlantis.
But even with Jack’s current fate, Sam knew he wasn’t the main reason for her increasingly visual dreams. Walking over to her bedroom window, she pulled back the curtains and sighed heavily at the black night before her. “I know what you’re doing to me,” Sam said to herself, touching the pane of glass before her, “but it’s not going to work.” Her mind drifted to Jack, frozen in a mindless state, his eyes now an empty pool of nothingness. “I’m so sorry, Jack…I never intended to hurt you so badly, but it was the only choice I had.”
Letting the curtains drop, she walked over to where she had placed her robe before going to bed and put it on. The idea of going through another run of nightmares kept her from returning to bed. Walking out of her room, she made her way to the kitchen and flipped on the light over the stove. It was a softer, easier light for her eyes to endure, and so she used it to pour herself a glass of milk. Placing it in the microwave, she warmed it in hopes of soothing her nerves.
Taking the first few sips, she moved into her living room and turned on the lamp that was positioned in the center of her end table. About to sit down, she spied the radio and decided that she might be lucky enough to find some melodic tunes that could also help calm her nerves. Walking over to it, she flipped it on and tuned it past several talk radio stations until she landed on a station that was playing old favorites.
Taking her seat on the couch, she took another drink of her milk and then placed it beside her, allowing her head to recline back as she closed her eyes. It was then that the next song on the radio station’s list began to play, and it was the familiar chords of the song that sent her mind into remembering…
Jack vented his jealousy. “Oh, for
cryin’ out loud! This has disaster
written all over it. Here, let me show
you how it goes.” He walked up to Sam as Teal’c bowed his head
slightly and moved out of the way. “The
first thing you do, Teal’c, is ask the lady to dance.” His eyes met Sam’s and he smiled. “Samantha, may I have this dance?” He held out his hand to her.
Sam
smiled and blushed, her heart racing.
“Yes, you may.” Placing her hand
in his, Jack took it.
“Now you assume the
dancing position.” Jack placed his
hand firmly on Sam’s small waist and raised their arms together, ready to
waltz.
As if on key, a new song started, with the melody
of the singer’s voice floating softly around them. Not saying another word, Jack started turning
her in time with the music. The world
seemed to fade away as Jack and Sam continued to dance, the two of them getting
lost in the words of the song, and in each other’s eyes.
Isn’t it romantic?
Music in the night, a dream that can be heard.
Isn’t it romantic?
Moving shadows write the oldest magic word.
I hear the breezes playing in the trees above
While all the world is saying you were meant for love.
Isn’t it romantic
Merely to be young on such a night as this?
Isn’t it romantic?
Every note that’s sung is like a lover’s kiss.
Sweet symbols in the moonlight,
Do you mean that I will fall in love perchance?
Isn’t it romantic?
(instrumental)
Sweet symbols in the moonlight,
Do you mean that I will fall in love perchance?
Isn’t it romantic?
Isn’t it romance?
Throughout the song, neither one of
them seemed to notice anything or anyone around them. All that registered was the touch of the
other, the movements of the dance, and the light of the new moonlit sky reflecting
in their eyes as they looked at each other.
Neither of them felt the tension of the moment, or the racing of their
own heart. They just felt peace, and
complete happiness.
Regrettably, the song faded away,
bringing them back to the present, to the crowds, to the applause, to Daniel
and Teal’c, who were watching them with interest. Jack cleared his throat and released Sam, but
remained close. He looked over at Teal’c,
suddenly remembering why they had danced in the first place.
Finding his voice, Jack spoke. “And that is how you dance.”
As
Sam smiled and started to walk towards the table, he gently placed a hand on
her arm. “Apparently my dance partner
has not been exposed to the full measure of the dance.” Sam turned towards him, a confused expression
on her face.
“What do you mean?” she asked, her
voice light.
“What I mean,” Jack said, his voice
playful, “is when the dance is over, you take the lady’s hand and thank her for
the dance.” Jack took her right hand in
both of his and brought it to his lips.
Placing a light feathered kiss on the skin of her hand, he looked up into
her eyes and smiled. “Thank you,
Samantha, for the dance.”
Sam thought she was going to
faint. She felt dizzy as she watched him
kiss her hand, the feel of his lips causing her heart to pump even harder. Trying to maintain her composure, she smiled
as he lowered her hand. “You’re
welcome,” was all she managed to softly say.
Sam’s eyes opened and she sat up with a slight smile on her lips. That had been a wonderful evening, before their friendship had become so much more. She could almost feel those same, thrilling butterflies going through her stomach as she remembered what it had been like to be dancing in the arms of a man she’d been falling for.
Getting up, she noticed a flash of light outside her windows. Moving over to the doors that led onto her deck, she looked out and watched a bolt of lightning streak across the sky in a jagged display of white power. It took a few seconds, but then a huge clap of thunder boomed overhead, followed by the first drops of rain on her roof from a new summer storm. Standing there, she continued to watch as the storm increased in intensity, the thunder and rain pounding down on everything around her.
And as the storm kept raging on, it evoked yet another memory of happier times when her friendship with Jack was increasingly becoming that much more important to her…
Just then, a tremendous bolt of lightning split the sky, making every window
in the house glow a bright, blinding white.
Simultaneously, the lights went out, making everything blacker than
the darkest night.
As Jack tried to focus his vision in
the dark, he heard a loud bump and then an equally loud thud in Sam’s direction. “Carter, you okay?” he said, concern
thickening his voice.
A few seconds passed, and then a
frustrated groan was heard in the darkness.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Sam said, “I just tripped down the stairs and ran into
what I can only assume would be the end table.”
She paused briefly, sighing.
“And…I think I’m now wearing our dessert!”
Jack, relieved to hear her voice,
relaxed a little and smiled. “What do
you need me to do?”
“Stay where you are,” Sam said,
humor now coating her tone as she realized the predicament of her
situation. “I don’t need Janet yelling
at me if you make your leg worse by trying to help me.”
“Alright Captain, I’ll follow your
orders, for now,” Jack said, still trying to find her form in the darkness.
Guessing that the lights weren’t
going to come back on anytime soon, Sam began to feel her way along the end
table. “Do you have any kind of
flashlight or candles lying around?”
“Yeah, there are candles in the
drawer of that end table you bumped into.
Matches should be in there too.”
Sam felt for the handle and pulled
the drawer open, as another flash of lightning lit up the night. In that window of opportunity, she managed to
pull out two fat candles and a book of matches.
A delayed thunderclap shook the house, indicating that the storm was
still growing in intensity, as the rainfall kept increasing in strength. Lighting the two candles, she reached into
the drawer for the only other three she saw.
As the candlelight filled the room
in a soft yellow glow, Jack watched as the light reflected in her hair, and
softened the curves of her body. Her
searching eyes found his, and for a moment, neither of them said anything, lost
in the unexpected effect that the candles were giving off. Then Jack looked her over, stopping at her
shirt, and gave her a foolish smile.
Sam, noticing his reaction, gave him
a half smile, confusion evident on her face.
“What’s so funny?”
“Oh nothing,” Jack responding,
trying to keep a straight face. “It’s
just…you wear cheesecake really well!”
Sam looked down at her shirt and
laughed with him. Both pieces of
cheesecake had managed to smash into her shirt, leaving red and white swirls of
cream cheese and whipped topping everywhere.
“Apparently you’re right. Do you
possible have a shirt I could borrow? I
really don’t want to drip this all over your house.”
“Sure,” Jack said, suddenly liking
the idea of her wearing one of his shirts.
“There should be flannel shirts in the top drawer of the chest in my
bedroom. Help yourself.”
“Okay, thanks,” Sam said, taking one
of the candles with her. “I’ll be right
back.”
As Sam made her way down the hall,
she couldn’t believe she was going into Jack’s bedroom, let alone getting ready
to wear one of his shirts. The very idea
gave her butterflies and thrills all in the same moment. Finding her way to his bedroom, she found the
drawer he had referred to and opened it.
His familiar scent overwhelmed her, and she stood there for a moment and
took it in. Trying to avert her eyes to
anything else in the room (especially one particular piece of furniture), she
grabbed the top shirt from the drawer.
Quickly, she slipped her shirt over her head, trying to avoid getting
any of the cheesecake mess in her hair.
The shirt she put on was about three sizes too big, but she didn’t
care. She loved the soft feel of it
against her skin, and how it smelled of his aftershave.
Catching her thoughts, she quickly
snapped herself back into reality. ‘This
is nuts, Sam,’ she thought, scolding herself.
‘Just go in there, say your goodnights, and get out of here before you
get yourself into trouble.’
Deciding that it was a good idea for
them both, she wadded up her shirt grabbed the candle, and headed down the
hall.
Jack watched her as she came back,
wearing what would now become his favorite flannel shirt. Even swimming in it, she looked amazing. Jack found his voice. “Good choice.
You should take up modeling men’s flannel wear.”
Sam smiled at him, always loving his
smart-alec remarks. “Thanks, Jack, I’ll
remember that.” The storm raged overhead
as she continued. “Well, I think before
I cause any more damage to your place, I’m going to head out. I’ll have someone from the base return your
truck…”
Jack cut her off with a stern
voice. “I don’t think so! You’re not going anywhere with that storm
raging outside. More than likely, the
heavy rains have washed out some of the bridges already, and I’m not going to
get a tongue lashing from Doc when you end up back in the infirmary because I
let you leave. So, I suggest you make
yourself comfortable. Oh, and that is an
order.”
Sam started to protest, but the look
he was giving her warned her not to. She
had no doubt he could move quickly to stop her, even with his crippled
leg. Sam put her hands up. “Okay, I get it. How about I get us another piece of dessert
while we wait out the storm?”
“Now we’re talking. Of course you won’t spill it this time,
right?” Jack asked, giving her an obnoxious look. “I only have so many shirts.”
“I think I can handle it,
thanks!” Sam rolled her eyes and smiled
as she turned, lighting her way with the candle that she still held.
Twenty minutes later, they were
settled on the couch, full from dessert and listening to the rain as it
continued to pelt the windows with force.
The thunder and lightning still came in droves, but not as often. Sam and Jack sat next to each other, both
nursing another beer. Their heads were
both reclined back on the couch as they stared up at the ceiling, watching as
the candlelight dance in endless patterns.
Jack sighed. “At least I’m now looking at a different
ceiling. And the candles almost create
shapes. I think I’m going to suggest to
Doc that candles be used to keep things interesting for those poor personnel
who have to live in the infirmary like I did.” He paused, concentrating on a
shape that was forming. “Now that’s
cool! Look at that one! It looks like the Stargate.”
Sam concentrated as hard as she
could through sleepy eyes. The long day,
all the food, and now the toasty warm shirt were all urging her to shut her
eyes. “Which one are you looking
at?” She angled her neck so her head was
practically on his shoulder, trying to see what he was seeing.
“That one, right there.” He pointed as best he could, attempting to
draw the ring pattern with his finger.
The smell of her shampoo was invading his senses as she got closer to
him. Jack continued, softening his voice
to barely above a whisper. “Do you see
it now?”
A strange, muffled uh-huh echoed
from the woman beside him as he felt the weight of her head collapse softly
onto his shoulder. He held his breath
for a moment, lifting his head to look in her direction. He watched her
briefly, her eyes closed, looking as peaceful and content as he’d ever seen
her. He whispered gently. “Sam, you awake?”
No audible response came, except for
her movement. She shifted her body on
the couch and snuggled closer, her head now resting comfortably on his
shoulder. He took his arm that was laid
across the back of the couch and wrapped it lightly around her shoulders. Still perfectly comfortable where he was, he
laid his head back down and closed his eyes.
Having her this close to him
reminded him of their last mission. He
had woken to find her snuggled up against him, trying to stay warm. He had loved the feeling of having her next
to him, as he did now. If it hadn’t have
been for his cracked ribs at the time, he would have never disturbed her. Now, he didn’t have to, since his ribs were
healed. ‘The storm’s still going on, so
why wake her,’ he thought to himself.
‘I’ll just let her sleep until it’s over.’
Jack’s thought moved back even
further in time to when they had found Cassie.
Sam had been so good with her, and he noticed that she and Cassie had
formed an instant bond. When they had
found out she might generate a nuclear explosion, and had to take her to that
abandoned nuclear facility, he clearly saw the heartache in Sam’s eyes. He had wanted to just hold her, to take away
the pain, but he couldn’t. And when she
didn’t come back up after putting Cassie in the containment room, refusing to
leave her, he thought his heart was going to rip in two. He had understood her reasoning for not
wanting to leave her alone, but he wanted her to feel the same thing for
him. The idea of never seeing her again
had given him a real jolt, and when the danger had passed, and he heard her
voice on the other end of that speaker, he felt the relief all the way in his
bones.
His mind continued to drift in and
out of images, mainly of their last mission.
She had worked so hard to save their lives, to keep him alive. He remembered telling her how Sara had gotten
him through that incident in Iran and Iraq; remembered how Sam had kept him
talking to keep his focus away from the pain as she splinted his leg;
remembered how she’d climbed out to find help, not letting him fade into the
darkness. Thoughts of Sara may have
saved him all those years ago, but Sam was the one who’d saved him this time.
As he continued to slowly drift off
to sleep, his head weaved and bobbed, finally coming to rest on top of
hers. And in the growing quiet of the
fading storm, a single word escaped from his lips, barely uttered above a
breathless whisper. “Sam.”
Sam crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself tightly as a single tear escaped from the corner of her right eye. Swiping at it, she shook her head. Times back then had been so innocent compared to where they were at now. Their friendship before the romance had been amazingly intense, and feelings shared between them, yet unknown to the other, had made it that much more special.
Sighing heavily, she turned away from the still powerful storm and moved into her dining room, reaching for one of the drawers in the display cabinet. Inside were various candles that she kept close by in case of power outages, as well as candles used on the off chance that she might entertain. Picking up a few, she inadvertently uncovered the candles she used almost every year at Christmastime.
Holidays from her childhood had never been as happy as she’d hoped they would have been. Her father routinely missed them because of a military assignment that kept him far from home during those times. But as the years had gone on, after she’d lost her mother and her relationship with her father had been tedious at best, she’d made the conscious decision to make the most off the holidays, despite her lack of family traditions.
And when Jack had entered her life, they suddenly became that much more important to her, especially remembering the times they’d shared before their then blooming romance…
“So,” Jack said lightheartedly, “I remember someone telling me that it was a tradition to build a snowman with one of the first snowfalls every year, and since we seem to be building on old traditions tonight, why stop with the tree! Are you up for it?”
Sam hesitated for only a
moment. She couldn’t say no when he
looked at her like that. “Sure, why
not!”
After suiting up for the cold, they
bounded out Jack’s front door and found themselves in snow that went up to the
middle of their shins. The night was
beautiful. Delicate snowflakes drifted
down slowly from the sky, landing gently on the already blanketed white
ground. The air was still, except for an
occasional brush of breeze that caused the crystal snowflakes to dance in the
night air, swirling down in a glistening light, reflecting off the warm yellow light
pouring out of Jack’s front windows. As
Sam and Jack stood admiring the peace that surrounded them, the snow gradually
began to accumulate on their hair, eyelashes, and coats.
Jack looked at Sam, noticing how her
cheeks had turned to a perfect pink, and smiled. “So, are you ready to build the best snowman
ever?!”
“Yes, sir!” Sam gave him a playful salute and bent down, compacting
a small ball of snow and started rolling it.
Jack did the same thing, suddenly feeling like he was a young boy
again.
“So, do you have a special way of
making a snowman? You said that you
always made one with your Dad.” Jack was
enjoying getting to know Sam on such a personal level.
“Not really. I just usually tried to get the balls to the
exact mathematical portion that they needed to be, in order for each of them to
fit just right. Do you have a measuring
tape lying around?”
Jack stopped his rolling motion and
just looked at her, stunned.
Sam caught his look. “What?”
Jack tried to keep himself from
realizing that she was probably one of the nerds in school that he use to make
fun of. Smiling at her, he shook his
head. “Yes, I have one, and NO, you may
not use it. Sam, it’s a snowman, not a
science project. I can see that I need
to corrupt your traditional snowman building way of thinking.” When Sam just stared at him, he went on. “It doesn’t have to be perfect, Carter, it’s
okay, really. You’re going to help me
build the best lop-sided snowman this state has seen, and we may even dress him
up!”
Sam blinked and smiled at his
scolding. She hadn’t realized until that
moment that maybe she didn’t know how to really have fun. Jack was beginning to show her that. So for the next 30 minutes, they rolled the
snow together into three unequally proportioned balls of snow, placing one on
top of the other until they had their first snowman. Sam was having so much fun that she even
amazed herself in thinking that their lop-sided snowman was better than any
she’d ever made before. As she stood
admiring it, Jack ran into the garage, emerging a few minutes later with a few
things in his hands, one of which was a fishing pole.
Sam looked at him with a curious
grin. “A fishing pole? Is this an O’Neill tradition?”
Jack smiled at her. “Not really, but I just thought that we could
add the personal touch to him. Hence,
the fishing gear! Every good snowman
needs a good fishing hat and pole.”
Demonstrating, he placed the hat on the snowman, and positioned the pole
so that it stood up against the stick that had been used for one of the arms of
the snowman. Stepping back, he looked it
over and smiled contently.
“Well, I must say, Jack, you’ve
definitely given me a new way of looking at building snowmen.” Sam smiled at him, enjoying herself.
Seeing her suddenly shiver, he took
one last look at their masterpiece.
“Well, how ‘bout we head indoors before each of us become frozen ourselves!”
“Sounds like a good idea.”
Sam closed the drawer and the memory as well. So much had come to pass between them, part of which had come to take place in her very own house. Moving into the living room, she placed the candles on the table and got out some matches, lighting each one in turn. Though she still had electricity, the storm had yet to let up, so she was going to be ready all the same.
Taking another sip of her milk, her memory banks rolled back to the night when their friendship finally crossed that invisible barrier that they had both been trying so hard not to climb over. It had been in her own living room, this very place, where tension and temptation had finally become too much…
Unnerved
by the unfamiliar territory between them, Sam couldn’t take it anymore. Turning her body towards Jack, she spoke up
quietly. “Jack, we really need to talk
about what’s happened the last few days.
It just seems to be hanging between us and I think we should take care
of it. No, I know we need to.” Watching him, she waited for his response.
Taking a big swig of his beer, he
looked over at her, his eyes searching hers for a moment. Looking away, he cleared his throat. “I really don’t know what to say. We were married in another reality. Hell, Daniel told us that in the reality he’d
traveled to, we were engaged. We should
have expected it.”
Sam could see he didn’t know what to
do. “I agree. But it still took us both by surprise.”
Jack looked over at her. “Yeah, well, just because it’s that way in
one reality doesn’t mean that it’s supposed to be that way here. Not that it would be a bad thing, it just
that…oh Hell, I don’t know.” He got off
the couch and walked over to the mantel that displayed pictures of her and her
family growing up. Fingering the edge,
he waited for her response.
Sam watched him. She hated this. Why did this have to be so complicated? “Well, as I’ve said, it is theoretically
possible. I just think that since we’ve
been able to develop the friendship we have, that we should be able to talk
this through.”
Jack could feel the tension biting
at his shoulders again. Staring at a
picture of her and Jacob when she was about eight, he answered quietly. “We are.”
Sam could feel herself becoming
frustrated. “Are we?” She got up, crossing her arms over her
chest. “Because the way I see it, all
we’re doing is running in circles, without getting to the real point.”
Jack turned around, echoing her
frustration in his tone. “And what is
that point, Sam? Is it the fact that I
enjoy spending time with you, or the fact that when your alternate….twin…kissed
me, I actually found myself wishing it was really you!” The last sentence came out without him being
able to stop it. The look of shock on
Sam’s face told him that he’d probably said too much.
Sam, dazed, just looked at him. “What?
Really?”
Too late to turn back, Jack surged
ahead, the tone of his voice coming off as slightly defensive. “Oh, come on, Sam! You’re one of the smartest people I know. Don’t stand there and tell me that you
haven’t figured out that I’ve fallen for you!
All the time we’ve spent together, all the looks…” Jack’s voice trailed off, not knowing what to
do next.
Sam sat down on the couch as if the
shock was too much. Finding her voice,
she looked up at him and answered him, her keeping her tone soft. “Well, no actually, I didn’t really
know. I guess I can say that I
hoped…since I feel the same way about you.”
She looked down at her hands, feeling like a schoolgirl who had just
admitted to her first crush that she loved him.
But did she love Jack? She didn’t
know. This was all so new.
Jack was stunned. He had thought he’d been too obvious in his
feelings for her. But he’d never
expected them to be returned. He knew
they’d had a wonderful night on New Year’s Eve, but he chalked it all up to his
feelings for her, as if all her responses to him that night were due to him
wearing “rose-colored glasses”. He’d
only secretly hoped in his dreams that she would return his feelings. Why him?
He walked over slowly to where she
was on the couch and sat down next to her.
His heart suddenly beating faster, he took her chin lightly in his hand
and turned her head to face him.
Searching her eyes, he responded in a softer tone. “Well, what are we going to do about
it?”
Sam’s eyes searched his, as if she
were looking for the answers in them.
His touch electrified her heart, making it beat wildly. She watched as his face got closer to hers,
and felt her body leaning towards his. Overwhelmed
by the emotions in her heart, she closed her eyes. Reaching out as a guide, her fingertips found
the warmth in his cheeks. The tips of
their noses brushed lightly against the other.
Pulling back slightly at the startling touch, they both opened their
eyes and looked at each other, their faces only inches apart. As if to reassure her, Jack smiled slightly,
and tugged on her chin with the lightest pressure. Giving in, she closed her eyes again and
waited. In the next moment, she felt the
first brush of his lips against hers.
The sensation took her breath away and sent a chill through her whole
body. Wanting more, she searched out his
mouth with hers, and finding it, pressed her lips against his. The warmth of them surged through her, and she
found herself wondering if this was real, as his mouth began searching hers
with more intensity. As his hand went
from her chin to around her neck, reality struck her at what they were doing. Taking all her strength, she pulled back,
capturing the surprise on his face at her action.
Trying to find her voice, she
whispered instead. “Jack, are you sure
we should be doing this? I mean, you’re
my….”
Jack sighed heavily, removing his
hand from her neck and leaning back.
Giving her one last look, he stood up.
“You’re right,” Jack said, not caring if the disappointment showed in
his voice or not. “I’m sorry Major, I
guess I let my emotions get the better of me.”
Not really knowing what to do, he walked over to the kitchen in long
strides and grabbed his coat, throwing it on and heading for the door.
Not wanting him to leave like this,
she got up and hurried towards him.
“Jack, I wasn’t trying to hurt you.
It’s just that I don’t know…”
Reaching for the door handle, he
looked at her. “Its okay, Sam, like I
said, you’re right. There are
regulations.” Thrusting the door open,
he stepped out into the cold snowy night and started down the front steps.
Sam ran out onto her porch, not
caring as the cold bit at her face.
“Jack! I don’t want you to
go!”
Jack stopped and turned around. He was about halfway to his truck, and
looking back at her, he couldn’t help but think how beautiful she was, even in
her sweats, as the snow fell around her and the light gave her hair a sparkle
from the ice crystals that had fallen in it.
He watched as she walked down her front stairs slowly and stood
shivering in the snow, her eyes pleading with his.
Hesitating for a moment, the world
seemed to stop, and all that was left was the woman standing a short distance
from him. His heart suddenly urging him
forward, he muttered to himself. “Oh,
for cryin’ out loud!” Throwing his keys
down to the ground, he surged forward with the same long strides he’d used to
walk away from her. But this time, he
was walking towards her. Not caring
about consequences at that moment, he reached out and grasped her cheeks with
his hands, guiding her face up to his.
Bringing his lips to meet hers, he placed a crushing kiss on them. All the need, all the built-up tension, all
the passion came out in that one moment.
Desiring his kiss equally, she allowed her mouth to search his with as
much urgency, wrapping her arms around him, holding him tightly to her. After a few wildly passionate moments, their
kisses softened, slowing down to simple caresses of skin. His mouth kissed her cheek and forehead
softly before pulling her totally to him, gasping for breath as his chin came
to rest on top of her head. Closing his
eyes, he let the moment absorb them, holding her tightly, feeling the beat of
her heart against his. Silent whispers
of hope fell all around them, bringing their souls the momentary peace they
were searching for.
Feeling her shiver, he released her
slightly and brushed his hand against her cheek. Smiling down at her softly, he finally
spoke. “You’re going to catch your death
of cold if we stay out here much longer.”
Sam smiled up at him. “Will you stay for a while?”
That answer was easy for Jack. “Let me just pick up my keys before they
become buried in the snow. Letting go of
her, he walked over to his keys, picked them up, and was back at her side in no
time. Reaching for his hand, she led him
back into the house.
Sam sat down and ran her hands through her hair again. The momentous change that had taken place between them that night only cascaded into the weeks and months following it. So much had happened between them, both good and bad, times that defined who they were and what they meant to each other.
And now Jack was in stasis, and she was dating a man she hardly knew, at least when compared to Jack and all they’d shared. It would have been too easy to have given in, to allow their relationship to continue. But there was too much at stake, and Jack of all people, if she’d stayed with him, would have eventually figured out the real reason why she was doing this to him, and it would have jeopardized everything she was trying to do, not to mention hurt him even more than he already was now.
But it was still so hard…so terribly hard to see the pain she’d caused him when they had once been what felt like the only two people in the whole world, especially that one special night at his house when she had moved their relationship to the ultimate level…
They
looked into each other’s eyes, getting lost in the emotions that were all
around them. Sam slowly got up, putting
her beer bottle on the railing of the deck.
Sitting down on the lounge chair with Jack, no words were needed to
express what she wanted. As Jack moved
over and made room for her, Sam laid down with him, her body against his, as
they both looked up at the stars. With
their hands interlaced, they laid there for a few minutes in silence,
surrendering to the quiet of the moment.
When Jack reached over and brushed a
strand of her hair away from her eyes, Sam sighed contently. “Jack,” she said in a low tone. “There was one feeling that was very clear to
me as I was holding Martouf after I shot him.
Despite all of the sorrow that I was experiencing, I kept feeling so
grateful that it wasn’t you I was holding.
I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you like that.” Hesitating, Sam felt her heart and soul
singing in unison. It was time to tell
him. “I wanted you to know that,
because…I’ve fallen in love with you.”
Jack’s breath went still in his body
and he felt like his heart had just stopped.
He had heard her voice, but it seemed more like a dream than
reality. He felt her turn towards him,
her eyes looking up into his.
“Jack,” she said, “I really do love
you.”
As if time had stopped around them,
everything went still. Even the Cicadas
faded from his hearing. Nothing existed
except her. Reaching out, he ever so
gently touched her face, praying this was real.
When he felt the warmth of her skin under his fingers, he wanted to
shout for joy. Instead, his voice came
in a breathless whisper. “Oh Samantha…I
love you…so much.”
Without another word, his lips
captured hers, softly at first, and then grew in strength and passion. They both rose up slowly, never parting from
the passion that had overwhelmed them.
Sam felt faint as the confession of
his love for her registered in her heart and mind. He loved her!
As his mouth explored hers, she answered his kisses by capturing his
lower lip and holding it between her lips.
She felt Jack do the same thing with her upper lip, and then their
tongues met, capturing the fullness of each other’s mouth once more. As Jack’s mouth traveled down to her throat,
kissing it as his tongue left little traces of passion in its wake, Sam did her
best to catch her breath.
“Jack,” she said in urgent whispers,
need ravaging her body. “Make love to
me, please!”
Jack stopped momentarily and looked
at her, happiness and surprise evident in his face. “Are you sure?”
Sam smiled and took his hand,
kissing the back of it as he had done to hers so many times. “So sure.”
Jack smiled back at her and stood
up, bringing her with him. Drawing her
into his embrace, he kissed her softly, and then more deeply, allowing the
passion in his soul to explode in full force.
Feeling Sam starting to sway, he scooped her up into his arms and
continued to kiss her as he walked into the house and towards his bedroom.
Reaching the bedroom, he entered it
and placed her down gently on the bed.
Lying down together, their kisses continued in perfect rhythm. Slowly, Jack rolled Sam onto her back. Breaking from her lips momentarily, he
hastily removed his shirt. Looking down
at her, he smiled, still wondering if this was really happening. But when Sam reached up and ran her hands
over his chest, causing the fire inside to grow, he knew this was no
dream. Reaching down, he pulled her to
him, his mouth fiercely capturing hers as the fire continued to consume him. Working his hands underneath her shirt, he pulled
it over her head. And by the light of
the moon streaming through the windows, he moved his mouth down to kiss the
tops of her breasts that were spilling out from underneath her black lace
bra.
Sam’s breath caught in her throat at
his hunger, wanting more as each moment passed by. Embracing him, she kissed his neck as she
felt his hands working the clasp of her bra free. Once the fabric was gone, she melted against
his chest, loving the feel of his skin in complete intimate contact with
hers. As he laid her down on the bed,
his eyes ran over her body, now half exposed.
She felt a rush of heat as his eyes met hers again. Pulling him down to her and kissing him
again, her hands began to undo the button on his jeans, followed by the
zipper. Jack did the same with her
pants, and in no time, nothing was left covered.
Jack was breathless at the sight of
her. Caressing her cheek, his eyes
smiling at her, he hovered above her, losing himself in the woman that she
was. “You are so beautiful.” His voice came in a ragged whisper. He allowed his hand to travel down her body,
memorizing every inch of it. When he
reached the place where her passion burned, she arched up at his touch, a
muffled cry escaping her lips.
Sam had never felt the world spin so
fast. His touch sent electrical pulses
searing through her body. As he
continued to caress her, she worked her hands down his body to his hips. Touching him, she felt his desire. Jack moaned at her touch, and she pulled him
down to her with her other hand and pressed her lips against his. A ravaging hunger moved through her, and as
she broke from his lips for air, her own voice echoed that hunger. “Please, Jack, please!”
Hearing her pleas, mimicking his
own, he moved over her. Kissing her
passionately once more, he entered her with all the fire that burned in
him. Feeling her, now, completely, sent
unimaginable thrills up and down his body.
Together
they moved, their rhythm matching each other’s perfectly. Both of them had been building the desires
that now riveted their bodies. As they
continued to enjoy the completeness of two bodies as one, two souls now joined,
the fire inside each of them had grown to a blazing inferno. Together they climbed, and together they
reached that climatic explosion. Holding
onto each other for strength, for the sheer joy of it, they both cried out,
expressing the passion that had been withheld for so long.
After it was over, they collapsed
next to each other on the bed. Jack
reached over and pulled her to him, her body melding perfectly to his. Bending his head, he kissed the top of her
shoulder. Her skin was a creamy
perfection, reflecting the moonlight in the room. He now knew that never before in his life had
he ever felt so complete, so at peace.
“I love you, Sam.”
Sam couldn’t take the encompassing walls of her house anymore. The rain had stopped minutes before, and so she unlocked the back door to her deck and stepped out. The night air was heavy and still wet with rain. Distance lightning could still be seen to her east, and the humidity that hung in the air indicated that another storm would more than likely be upon them in no time.
Looking up at the pitch black sky, a sliver of moonlight escaped a break in the heavy cloud cover, giving momentary light to the earth below. A few stars could be seen in that small patch of night sky, and as she eyed a particularly bright one, another unwelcomed memory plagued her mind and emotionally saturated heart…
It
was a beautiful, windless night. A crescent
moon hung overhead, its white light casting a gentle glow on the
surroundings. The stars twinkled
brightly above, and in the distance, an owl out on an evening hunt cried from
the treetops. As Sam’s eyes searched the
sky, she focused on a star that seemed to be twinkling more than the rest. Peering at it through her tears, she suddenly
remembered why she was so drawn to it.
“Charlie,” she whispered, a sad smile forming upon her lips. Memories of when she had talked with what she
saw as Charlie’s star began floating through her mind. Hugging herself with her arms, she rested her
elbows on the railing and continued to watch the sky. Sighing, she continued to whisper softly to
herself. “What are we suppose to do,
Charlie? Your dad and I really need some
help here. Are we following the right
path? Is there hope for us?”
“Sam.”
Jack’s voice invaded Sam’s ears,
startling her. Whipping around, she
found him watching her only a few inches from where she stood. The color from his face seemed to have
drained from his face a little, and he seemed at a loss for words. “Jack, I…I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.” It was then that her brain registered the
music that was now floating on the breeze from inside the house.
Jack shook his head slightly. “It’s…okay.
I took the pizza out. I wasn’t
sure if you wanted to…were you talking to Charlie?”
Sam felt like she just wanted to
melt into the woodwork on the deck. Not
knowing quite what to say, she just nodded.
Finally finding her voice, she spoke up, her cheeks still glistening
with the tears she’d just cried. “I’m
sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just, well, it’s just that….in order to
feel closer to you, I remembered that I used to talk to a star in the sky, and
I liked to think of it as Charlie watching over you.”
Jack was shocked and moved all in
the same emotion. He had no idea that
she even thought about his late son, let alone believe he was watching over
them. For having never known Charlie, it
told Jack all he needed to know about Sam and how she felt about him. Memories would come with time, but knowing
that she extended herself to the point of connecting with such an important
part of his past just melted his heart.
Reaching out, he touched her face and wiped at her tear-streaked
cheeks. “Com’ here.”
Pulling her into his arms, he held
her close, burying his head into her neck, feeling like he wanted to cry
too. After a moment, he released her and
cupped her chin with his hand. “Well,”
Jack said, a loving smile on his face, “I like to think he’s watching over us.”
Sam couldn’t believe that he wasn’t
angry with her for connecting on a level that was closed off to most
people. Giving him a surprised look, she
responded. “You’re not…mad at me for
that?”
Jack released her chin and put his
arm around her shoulders as he pointed up to the exact star she had just been
looking at. “Every time I’ve felt
despair, anxiety, confusion, or anger, I seem to always go back to that star.” Bringing his arm back down, he turned her
towards him, putting his arms around her waist and drawing her close. “After Charlie died, I found solitude in my
telescope up on the roof. That star
seemed to just suddenly appear one night; if it’s an astronomical coincidence
or not, I don’t know. But it helped me
thinking it was Charlie’s eyes watching over me, trying to tell me he was okay,
and that I’d be okay. Knowing now that
you picked that same star and connected it with Charlie only tells me that I’m
right. He is watching over me, and over
us.”
Sam could feel her eyes welling up
again. “He brought us together.” Smiling through her tears, she brought her
hand up to his cheek. “Jack,” she
whispered, “thank you for understanding.”
Jack just shook his head
gently. “Thank you,” he said. Bringing his hand up to her cheek, he closed
his eyes and let his heart guide him the rest of the way. When their lips finally touched, the feel of
her flesh on his not only sent a fire through his body, but also sent sparks
through his mind. Instantly, all the
missing memories he’d been searching for came flowing back, flooding his body
with a multitude of emotions. Jerking
back from the intense kiss, his eyes met hers, and he could see that she had
just experienced the same thing.
“Jack,” Sam said suddenly, still
whispering, “I love you.”
Jack smiled lovingly back at
her. “I love you too, Sam. I can’t believe I ever forgot that.”
Sam placed her hand over his
chest. “We may have forgotten, but
apparently our hearts didn’t. They kept
us together.” Looking up at the sky, she
continued. “And Charlie kept us
together.”
Kissing her again with vigor, Jack
wrapped her tightly in his arms and looked up at the star shining down on
them. “Thanks, Charlie.”
As a large cloud suffocated the moonlight and covered up the patch of the night sky that could be seen, Sam looked down and sighed. She didn’t see much hope for Charlie saving them now. The emotional turmoil was truly gut-wrenching, and now with Jack stuck in the state that he was, it made it even harder. There had to be something that she could do to get him out of his entombment. It had been incredibly hard just to leave him there, alone in the dark, as she was now. The only difference was that she still had a life, and he’d basically sacrificed his to save not only hers but the rest of the world.
Memories. The memories were endless, and she knew that she should get dressed, get in her car, and get back to the base…anything to distract her from the constant agony of remembrance. But then maybe she deserved that…deserved the guilt and sadness that came with each remembered time of happiness and joy…
Jack
stretched his arms when they were out of sight and stood up. Offering Sam his hand, he helped her to her
feet and brushed his other hand over her left cheek, loving the silky smooth
texture of her skin. “Alone at
last.” Using the hand that had brushed
her cheek, he now placed it firmly on the side of her head and drew her to him,
his lips connecting with hers in a feathery-light kiss. Gripping her hand, he led her over to his
tent and stopped just outside of it.
Reaching inside, he picked up his still rolled sleeping bag and secured
it under his arm.
When Sam gave him a curious look, he
simply smiled at her softly. “Come on. I spotted a great place when we landed that I
want to explore. Are you game?”
Sam, always ready for anything as
long as it was with him, silently nodded, keeping her eyes firmly on his
face. She let him lead her away from the
camp in the opposite direction that Janet and Daniel had gone. Hiking up a short distance of rocks, they
found themselves on an outcropping that not only overlooked the river and had a
spectacular view of the sky, but was hidden from anyone in the campsite trying
to find them.
Silently, Jack unrolled his sleeping
bag, unzipping it all the way and laid it out on the smooth face of the
rock. Turning around, he found Sam
looking out into the darkness, her eyes falling on the river, which was glowing
just enough from the light of the crescent moon to make it out. Moving up behind her, he placed his hands on
her shoulders and began rubbing them gently.
Allowing his thumbs to slowly start moving down her back, massaging the
muscles, he brought his lips to the back of her neck and placed a gentle kiss
there.
When she softly purred, he moved his
hands to her waist and turned her around to face him and then wrapped his arms
around her, holding her tightly as his lips found hers. As the intensity of the kiss increased, tongues
meeting each other in a fiery response, Jack deepened the kiss as his hands
explored the rest of her body. With heat
suddenly spinning all around them, Sam dropped the blanket that had been
wrapped around her shoulders as her hands began to explore the firmness of his
stomach.
Jack groaned softly as her lips
moved from his mouth to his neck, exploring his Adam’s apple and the suppleness
around it. When her lips suddenly found
the sensitive place on his earlobe, he moved his hands under her sweatshirt and
pulled it up over her head. Since her
swimsuit was still drying, there was nothing else for him to have to take off
except for her jeans. As Sam eagerly
removed his sweater, he began working the button and then the zipper on her
jeans.
No more than a minute later, they
were unclothed and lying in each other’s arms, with Sam’s blanket as their only
cover. As Jack hovered over her, he bent
down and kissed her mouth, moving his lips slowly down her throat and to the
place between her breasts. As he continued
to explore every inch of her body, Sam moaned quietly in anticipation of every
move that he made. When he reached the
most anticipated part, her breath caught in her throat as she gripped onto his
arms passionately.
Arching her back, she placed her
hands on his head and drew him back up to her.
Kissing his mouth, she rose up and changed positions. With Jack now on his back, she explored every
muscled inch of his physique, tracing a path with her tongue and relishing in
his delight at her every touch. When
Jack could take no more, he gripped her by the shoulders and pulled her up to
where he could enter her. When he did,
they both took in a breath of surprised pleasure, shuttering as one. As Sam began to move her hips, she bent down
and kissed him deeply, sending more passion down his spine with every move of
her tongue and hips.
As they moved together, the passion
continued to build, until its climactic edge finally caused the explosion
they’d both been waiting for. Not
wanting their cries to echo off the mountains, they kissed each other hard as
they came, and together, they fell into the afterglow of making love.
Sam nuzzled her head under Jack’s
chin, listening to the sound of his breaths and beating heart. As his arms came around her and held her
tight, she closed her eyes, placing the memory of that moment into a place
within herself where she would never forget it, and would be able to access it
at will. She let out a content sigh, the
warmth of his arms and body against her, along with the heat from the wool
blanket on top of them. She felt Jack
kiss the top of her head, and as she looked up at him, he gently brushed a
strand of her hair away from her face.
“Jack,” she said, her voice soft and
full, “I love you so much.” Staring into
his eyes for a heart-pounding moment, she stretched her neck forward and met
his lips, emphasizing what she had just said.
Jack smiled at her, his eyes
searching her soul. “And I love
you. Sam…you are my life now. I hope you know how much you mean to me, and
how I can’t live without you.”
Sam could feel her emotions welling
up in her throat, constricting it. “You
won’t ever have to.” Lying back down
next to him, her head in the crock of his arm, they both looked up at the night
sky above them. It was littered with
stars, sparkling more brightly than ever before. Being away from the city and its lights
always helped to provide one spectacular view of the night sky, and so they cuddled
close, staring up at the crescent moon, now hanging at its highest point in the
sky. A short distance from it, a
familiar star glittered brightly, winking at them as they both watched it.
Jack breathed out. “Charlie.”
Sam looked over at him, watching him
as he gazed at his son’s star. “He’s
watching over you, you know…protecting you.”
Jack smiled. “Us…he’s watching over and protecting
us.” He was silent for a moment before
speaking again, his voice soft. “I miss
him every day, but it makes it so much easier to know that I can always find
him in the night sky.” Looking over at
Sam, he continued, his face solemn but his eyes full of love. “It means so much to me that I can share that
with you.”
Sam placed her head back on his
chest and closed her eyes. “I’m just so
happy, Jack, that you feel willing to share something so close to your heart
with me. Thank you for that.” Saying nothing else, they both allowed their
eyes to close, exhaustion finally overtaking them. They both knew that they should climb back
down and go to their respective tents.
But in that moment, they didn’t care who thought what. All they cared about was that moment, and all
that it meant to them.
Sam placed her hands on the wet wood railing of the deck and gripped it firmly. It was the times most recent to memory that seemed to plague her with the most guilt. They’d been so happy, so carefree…two people who had found a way to be incredibly in love, yet kept it a secret. Of course Janet had been there from almost the start of their relationship, and that had meant a lot to both of them. But now she was gone, as was Jack, and all she had left of those days gone by was what was stored in her brain, a fraction of what had been and what would probably never be again…
As the aftermath of their lovemaking subsided
into a quiet peace, Sam looked into Jack’s eyes and smiled, wiping the sweat
off his brow with one of her hands.
Keeping her voice low, she spoke up.
“Well, I have to say that was the best parking I’ve ever done.”
Jack
smiled back at her and kissed her lightly.
“I’ll second that. I don’t think
I’ll ever be able to sell this truck now.
It’s apparently capable of a lot more than just getting around town.”
As
Sam laughed, Jack’s cell phone rang.
Groaning, he sat up a little awkwardly and reached inside his coat
pocket that was now deposited in a heap on the passenger side floorboard. Flipping the phone open, he rolled his eyes
and then pinched the bridge of his nose as he answered. “I know, Doc…head on a platter.”
Janet’s
voice came through loud and clear from the other end. “Well, Colonel, I’m assuming that since
you’re answering your cell phone, you’re back on Earth! I thought I gave you strict instructions to
bring her to my house?” After taking a
quick breath, her voice came back, this time a little panicked. “Don’t tell me she didn’t come!”
Jack
shook his head and tossed the phone over to Sam, who was now sitting casually
behind the steering wheel, attempting to smooth out her hair. “Hey, Janet, I’m here.”
Janet
breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, Sam,
thank God! Where are you? My nerves are about shot thinking I’m going
to have to bring Brian to the ball by myself.”
Sam
grinned. “Don’t worry, Janet, I’ll be
there in less than 10 minutes. Jack and
I had to…make a stop first.”
Janet’s
voice suddenly became playfully stern.
“Don’t think you two lovebirds can fool me! I really don’t need the details, at least not
right now. Just get here, please?!”
Sam
looked over at Jack and gave him a smile.
“We’re on our way.” Hanging up
the phone after saying goodbye, she handed the phone back to Jack and
sighed. “We’re never going to live this
one down you know.”
Jack
shrugged. “Hey, I went and got you. The least she can do is show a little
sympathy for us. Besides, I have to be
on my best behavior for the rest of the night, and you know how hard that is
for me on a normal basis, let alone with you in the same room.”
Sam
kissed him on the cheek and then reached behind her and pulled her seatbelt
around her, buckling it. Turning the
truck on, she glanced over at him with a playful look in her eyes. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to do some
more parking later on.”
Jack
shook his head as he buckled himself in as well. “You are going to be the death of me,
Major…but in a wonderful way.”
Surprised
that he hadn’t objected to her starting up the truck, she looked over at
him. “You don’t mind if I drive?”
Jack
leaned his head back on the head rest behind him and closed his eyes, a smile
curling his lips. “After what we just
did, you can drive my truck anytime.”
Sam
laughed and put the truck in reverse, backing out of the parking lot. As they pulled away, Sam knew that they’d
found another spot that would remain special just for them for the rest of
their lives.
Sam knew that Jack still loved
her…and she him. But what she was doing
had to be done, forcing her to steel herself against an overwhelming desire to
give in and risk everything for just one more kiss from Jack. No matter how much she devoted herself to
Pete in the coming days, Sam knew that her heart would always be with
Jack.
And so she stood there as the rain
began to fall from a newly approaching storm, and soaked in a recent memory
that warmed her to the very core of her being…
“You are truly a romantic, Jack
O’Neill.” Sam smiled and closed her eyes
as Jack wrapped his arms around her.
They were reclined together in a two-person Jacuzzi tub filled with hot,
steaming water and bubbles that went up to their necks.
Jack
had stunned Sam with his final surprise of the day by booking them into a room at
a quaint little B&B in the town of Cripple Creek, CO., which was not too
far from Colorado Springs, but far enough away that they could enjoy each other
without fear of being caught. The inn
itself had been built in 1898, but had recently been renovated, allowing for
modern features, while holding onto historic charm.
Jack
took his hand and ran it over Sam’s wet hair, slicking it back. He loved the feel of it as he ran his fingers
over her hair, and her slick skin against his was just as intoxicating as several
rounds of a good beer. “Well, Samantha
Carter, you’re worth every ounce of effort I have in me…even if I have to dive
into my more feminine side.”
Sam
couldn’t help but laugh. Scooping up a
handful of bubbles, she watched the crystalline foam as it shimmered in the
candlelight that was surrounding them in the bathroom. Blowing the bubbles gently with her breath,
she turned around enough in the tub to meet Jack’s eyes. “So,” she said, keeping her voice soft and
sensual, “Mr. and Mrs. Jonathon Herring?”
Jack’s
lips formed into his signature sexy half smile as he traced a finger around the
curvature of her jawline. “Well, the
Jonathon is obvious enough…as for Herring…it was my mother’s maiden name.”
Sam
smiled lovingly up at him. “Well, it’s
an honor to take your mother’s maiden name…even if it is just for a night. I have to admit you really caught me off
guard when you gave the reservation name and paid cash.”
Jack
cocked his head at her. “Did you mind?”
Sam
turned back around and snuggled herself deeper into his embrace. “Are you kidding me? It feels amazing to be ‘married’ to you…even
if it’s not permanent.”
Jack
became lost in thought for a moment.
Blinking several times, he rested his chin on the top of her head. “Well, one day it will be…that is if you will
still put up with me.”
Sam
closed her eyes again. “I can’t imagine
wanting anything more.”
And
as they sat there enjoying the peaceful silence around them, Sam began to hear
Jack’s voice, very soft at first, and then it grew to a more audible level as
her heart pounded with more intensity as his words touched deeply inside her
soul...
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and
breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling
out of sight
For the ends of Being and Ideal
Grace.
I love thee to the level of
every day’s most quiet need,
By sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men
strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they
turn from Praise;
I love thee with the passion to
put to use
In my old griefs, and with my
childhood’s faith;
I love thee with a love I
seemed to lose
With my lost saints; I love
thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my
life!….and, if God chooses,
I shall but love thee better
after death.
Sam
was astonished and speechless. As her
eyes rimmed with tears, she finally found her voice as she turned around and
gripped his face lightly with both her hands.
“Jack…that was probably one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever
heard. I’ve always known the beginning
of that poem, but never the whole thing, and I’ve certainly never heard it
spoken with such honest love before.”
Kissing him on the lips, she pulled back enough to say in a throaty
whisper “thank you.”
Jack
kissed her with an equal passion and held her tightly against him. “Well,” he said in between kisses, “I decided
that ending the night in the same way we always do would be boring, and I never
want us to get to that point. And
besides…you’re worth all the memorizing that poem took…not to mention the rehearsals
in front of my bathroom mirror.”
Sam grinned as she imagined him doing just
that. “Jack, you will never be
boring…and neither will our relationship.
I just need to find something to equal what you’ve done for me today.”
Jack
just shook his head. “Love me…and never
stop. That’s all I ask.”
Sam
drew his lips closer to hers. “I will
always love you…and that’s a promise.”
Kissing him deeply, they moved into each other, coming together as one
in the bubbles that still surrounded them.
Despite the now steady rain pouring
down around her, Sam could feel her own tears tracking down her cheeks, mixing
with the rainwater as they fell silently to the deck beneath her feet. So many memories…she and Jack had shared
enough between them to define a lifetime.
But now that lifetime was over, and she was with Pete…while Jack
remained in stasis in a cold, icy darkness she couldn’t touch.
As the first round of lightning streaked
overheard, Sam moved towards the door that would lead back into her house.
Hoping for sleep, she decided a good, hot shower was in order first.
Opening the door, she took one final look at the rain coming down around
her, stepped inside, and shut out the storm with the closing of the door.
With darkness all around her, the
walls of her room seemed to be closing in again. Curling onto her side, she pulled her body
into a tight cocoon, holding her legs firmly as her mind tried to relax.
But with all that had happened, with
all that she couldn’t seem to do, she found her resolve to be strong waning,
and so she allowed a silent tear to run down her cheek, soaking into the blond
hair beneath the side of her head. And
then she let go and wept…wept for everything that she had lost…and for all
that she might never have or see again.